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[Quorthon]

So where's Spacer and Bart these days?

Also, I got a Venus Fly Trap yesterday. It's very small, but hopefully we've got enough bugs around here for it. This is Minnesota--shouldn't be a problem.

[LivingDeadGirl]

quorthon said:

Also, I got a Venus Fly Trap yesterday. It's very small, but hopefully we've got enough bugs around here for it. This is Minnesota--shouldn't be a problem.

If you don't, just let me know & I'll Fed Ex ya some from down here. ;D

[Quorthon]

Yesterday I took the ASVAB test for the National Guard.
I scored a 93 out of 100. My wife claims that 96 qualifies for Military Intelligence, but I don't know if that's true or not.

At any rate, I'm edging ever closer a military life.

[Quorthon]

Hey everyone. If I seem out of it lately, or my mood gets, well, moody, try to forgive me. My wife wants a divorce and I'm gearing up to go to the National Guard Basic Training, and still having problems with my ex and my son. So, my life has reached about it's lowest possible point. I don't exactly feel like, you know, living.

[slayrrr666]

That doesn't sound like what I think it is, is it? Are you really thinking about it, man? There's no need to. You know, if something's bothering you, you have me, Bart, LDG, Smitty, Pulp, Term or Phoenix to talk to. We're all here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to. I know divorce isn't easy (my neighbors are going through it, and I can hear them quite often going through their therapy sessions) and the best thing to do is just get it out in the open and talk about this kind of thing. As I said, there are plenty of people to help you out with whatever you need to.

[Quorthon]

I don't know how much more I can talk about this shit. I can't kill myself, it'd be unfair to my son. But I can always hope something happens to me. Everything, I mean, absolutely everything in my life has gone wrong. I don't have many rights over or much time with, my son. I don't have any money. I don't have any prospects. I don't have a job now. I don't know what to do with all my stuff, or where to store it while I'm away at the National Guard. I no longer have a wife to help me through this kind of shit, because she's bringing the last of it down on me. I know it's been hard on her, and my kid's mom has ruined our lives, but my wife doesn't want to even try any more. She just wants to leave and I just want to die. This couldn't come at a worse time in my life. I want to try a seperation instead, she doesn't want anything to do with me. Fuck, I'm signing up for the National Guard so that our lives--together--can be better, but now I won't even have her. I'll never meet anyone better than her, or even remotely like her. I'm losing my mind. I have no idea what to do anymore. I just know that I don't want to deal with it anymore. Fuck, why should she be able to run away? I'm suffering, too. Now I have to do it alone. But I can't run away. I mean, what the fuck is going to happen next? Someone steal my truck? I get cancer? I lose my son forever? I mean, how much fucking worse can it get? I ruined my wife's life and now I'm losing her. I'm one of those people who functions better in a relationship. I'm useless by myself. And now, I get to live with the fact that I'm alone and unloved. Left to defend myself in hell. And I don't even want to. I just want to let the world win. Every time I try to do something good, something twice as bad happens. I try to go into the National Guard to make things better for my family, then I lose my fucking family. I'm finding less and less reason to keep going. If I lose my son, I'm throwing in the towel. He's all I have left right now anyway.

[Termination]

Hang in there Q!

Life does suck & than we die but while were living, at least we have each other to guide us in the positive direction instead of the negative.

I won't touch your subject, but will say this. Live 1 day at a time.

-Termination

[spacer]

Heyy Quorth,
Heyy Nick,

It’s good you’re telling us about your hardships, it’s good you’re allowing yourself to blow off steam, it’s good you’re a wonderful, experienced forum member without whom our message board would lack a lot, it’s good you’re sincere with yourself, it’s good you’re not keeping your frustrations inside, it’s good you’re a loving father, it’s good you’re so brainy and individual, it’s good you’ve got me, it’s good you’ve got other forum members who are ready to help you in any available way, it’s good that you are still writing here.

Once you’ve blow off steam, don’t look behind you, forget the past, go forward, join the Guard, try to focus on current tasks, don’t brood over distant future, live each day at once (a great advice from Term). Remember, you’re not alone. You’ve got us forum friends with whom you can always share your personal problems. You’re not alone with your misery.

I’m a fan of you, your style, personality. I really love to read your posts. I respect your knowledge, sense of humor and your sincerity. I don’t wanna loose such a wonderful penfriend. Many personal disasters hit you at once some out of the blue, but bad luck can’t happen all the time, can’t happen endlessly, bad luck and misery has limited resources as everything in that Universe so it’s very probable you’ve about to spend your life’s limit of bad luck and all other kind of shit that may hit anyone of us anytime. You’re being hit severely now but maybe for the rest of your life you’ll be free from it.

And last but not least you're far superior to JFK, Lincoln, Elvis, Marylin Monroe and others deceased heroes and megastars. Why? You're alive they're not. Don't loose that advantage. Keep being superior.

Leszek the Spacer

[slayrrr666]

As they've said, Q, you find that everything wrong happens at once is always over quickly enough so that a ton of positive comes back at you. Look at it this way:

You join the NG to help your family, and then your world comes crashing down, right.

Maybe if you follow through with it, your wife will see how committed you are to your family and agrees to give it another shot. Your son's mother sees this as a sign of maturity and becomes a little more relaxed and lienient in the rules about being with your son. These give you the confidence to be able to land any job you come across and are able to support your family.

Now, does the above sound crazy, far-fetched and out of a Disney story-book? Yes, I'll be the first to admit that. But you want to know something: there's a reason why you never hear it happen-no one's willing to give it a shot. An extradinary amount of bad luck has just befallen you, just like many others out there, and most of them give-in and call it quits. I know you, you aren't that kind of person, and by giving it a shot, it could work out in your favor later on.

You'll be the first to overcome such adversities and live a long, happy life because of it. I know you want that kind of life (a loving wife, relaxed relationship with your son's mother, and plenty of time with your son) so stick around, it might happen.

[Quorthon]

Actually, my boy's mother is nothing remotely like the rational person you described. I know exactly what she's going to do. She'll try to deny my Mother time with my son. She'll try to deny that she bring him to visit me when I'm away. And she'll try to say that this is just proof that I can't handle it and that I don't want to be around him. She may even try to take back my visitation and rights. You've seen the Borg on Star Trek? Imagine someone with even lessy empathy, and that's her.

And goddammit Spacer, you nearly made me fucking tear up. And I'm certainly not superior to Lincoln. That guy saved a nation. I can't even maintain control of my own life. Not that I would've changed places with him. He lost a son.

[Bartwald]

Quorth, my friend,

I'm damn shocked to read about all this and I'm angry at myself that I can't really find any appropriate words of advice. It's a pity we can't sit down and talk about it face-to-face, dammit! One... wait... TWO things are for sure: 1. whatever happened, and I already know it's been too much, you can't give up, and 2. there are many people here who consider you a friend, are ready to help and would die of sadness if your name suddenly stopped popping up here.

[Quorthon]

My wife and I are having mild dialog. I may get the seperation. There's just too much for me to deal with and worry about without having to also worry about a goddamn divorce. I just don't need this shit right now. But things are, as usual, taking a downturn. Our cat is sick and my wife is missing work all this week from being sick. I'm at my Mom's house until tomorrow. As hard and painful as all this is, I just can't stop worrying about her.

[Heineken Skywalker]

Hey Q, I'm really sorry to hear about all the crap you're going through and I hope everything works out for you.

[slayrrr666]

You've got the support of all of us here, man, and now that we'll always be here for you.

Look at the positive: the fact that you're even talking with your wife and may get the seperation could be the crack in the door you need to get back on track. The cat getting sick is the last bit of bad news, and from here on out, it'll be all good. We're with you.

[Quorthon]

I've been looking at the positive for three damn years in a vain attempt to make things better for me and my family and to keep my sanity and strength. But it doesn't do a fucking thing. Everything still gets worse somehow.

I was a lot better off when I was emotionally barren, intensley negative, and made my choices through anger and hate rather than fear and desperation and hope. I'm starting to think that this "positive thinking" crap is just a bunch of shit.