2005 - A Reflection

[ZapRowsdower]

Sin City - 100%

Crash (2004) - 100%

The Constant Gardener - 100%

Batman Begins - 100%

Serenity - 100%

Oldboy (2003) - 100%

Cinderella Man - 100%

Corpse Bride - 100%

The Aristocrats - 100%

Oliver Twist - 100%

War of the Worlds - 98%

Howl's Moving Castle - 98%

Kingdom of Heaven - 98%

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 96%

Lord of War - 95%

The Greatest Game Ever Played - 95%

March of the Penguins - 95%

Millions (2004) - 94%

The Exorcism of Emily Rose - 92.5%

Red Eye - 92%

The Upside of Anger - 90%

The Island - 88.3%

The 40-Year-Old Virgin - 87.5%

Lords of Dogtown - 87.5%

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith - 86%

Flightplan - 86%

Unleashed - 86%

The Jacket - 86%

Hostage - 85%

Wedding Crashers - 85%

Robots - 84%

Broken Flowers - 82.5%

Mr. & Mrs. Smith - 82.5%

Hustle & Flow - 82%

Kung Fu Hustle (2004) - 80%

Ong-Bak (2003) - 80%

Two for the Money - 80%

The Brothers Grimm - 80%

Because of Winn-Dixie - 80%

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - 78.3%

The Game of Their Lives - 78%

The Amityville Horror - 78%

Constantine - 77.5%

A History of Violence - 77.5%

Just Like Heaven - 77.5%

Bad News Bears - 77.5%

Fever Pitch - 77.5%

Bewitched - 76%

Hitch - 75%

Waiting... - 75%

Saint Ralph - 75%

Coach Carter - 75%

House of D (2004) - 75%

The Devil's Rejects - 72.5%

The Skeleton Key - 72.5%

The Longest Yard - 72.5%

Be Cool - 72.5%

The Man - 72.5%

A Lot Like Love - 72.5%

Dark Water - 72%

Fantastic Four - 72%

Land of the Dead - 72%

Must Love Dogs - 70%

The Interpreter - 70%

Madagascar - 70%

The Dukes of Hazzard - 68%

Man of the House - 67.5%

Grizzly Man - 65%

Elektra - 65%

Four Brothers - 62.5%

Valiant - 62.5%

White Noise - 62.5%

Guess Who - 62.5%

Beauty Shop - 62.5%

Diary of a Mad Black Woman - 62.5%

Monster-in-Law - 62%

Herbie: Fully Loaded - 62%

Kicking & Screaming - 60%

Assault on Precinct 13 - 57.5%

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - 57.5%

Sahara - 55%

The Transporter 2 - 54%

Hide and Seek - 52.5%

Boogeyman - 52.5%

Haute Tension - 52%

House of Wax - 44%

The Ring Two - 26%

The Cave - 24%

The Pacifier - 20%

The Wedding Date - 17.5%

Alone in the Dark - 10%

Rebound - 00%

Are We There Yet? - 00%

The Honeymooners - 00%

Son of the Mask - 00%

[ZapRowsdower]

White Noise (January 7th, 2005)

When it comes to Horror, I have a hard-on for ghost movies. Movies like the Sixth Sense, the Ring, What Lies Beneath, and Poltergeist. So it's no surprise that I still get the chills just THINKING about White Noise.

Yeah, critics hated it. BIG FUCKING SURPRISE. Honestly, I'm beginning to think they only exist to remove hype from a movie... which in a way is a good thing. Unfortunately, I don't think that's the case.

Either way, this isn't a movie you should expect to win any Oscars (not only because of its early release but also because it's just not that kind of movie), but it's definitely a bone-chilling movie that kicks the Grudge's ass in about 16 different ways. If you like ghost movies and are interested in seeing the great Michael Keaton back in action, be sure to check out White Noise. 2005 opens up on a good note; let's see how long it lasts.

7/10

[Bartwald]

OK, OK - I'm interested in seeing this one, after all. But let me repeat the question: isn't it too much like Frequency?

OT: I can see you changed your criteria already, Smitty; 7/10 for a movie you really like...

[ZapRowsdower]

Unfortunately, I have yet to see Frequency, but I've been wanting to ever since it was released.

[ZapRowsdower]

Elektra (January 14th, 2005)

Well, the critics obviously have an agenda. It's a spinoff of Daredevil, and everybody KNOWS that's the worst movie EVER.

By the way, I was being sarcastic. I liked Daredevil.

Anyway, Elektra was a totally fun movie to watch. Jennifer Garner was very committed to the character, and watching her kick ass was really cool. There are some nice fight scenes, an interesting storyline, and enough ninjas to satisfy your ninja craving.

I DO have a couple of complaints. Some of the fight scenes were very short, and it just seemed to me that Rob Bowman wanted to rush through the movie. It just went too fast.

But other than that, I really enjoyed the movie. It's no X2, but it should be enough satisfy the comic book fans out there.

7.5/10

[ZapRowsdower]

Assault on Precinct 13 (January 19th, 2005)

The movie started off a perfect 10. That had to have been one of the greatest intros I had ever seen. After that, the movie weakens with a couple of clichés (including a rapper) (and didn't Ja Rule already do a movie like this?).

Also, for someone who defended the usage of shaky-cam in the Bourne Supremacy, I feel it was overdone in Precinct 13. I would very much like to see an action sequence, if that's not too much trouble for the director.

Also, the "bullet to the head" is also done WAY too much in this movie, and never seems to match the impact it had the first time through.

Despite its weaknesses, the movie remains suspenseful and fun. I was never bored by it. As I said before, it started off a perfect 10, and quickly dropped to a 7.5, but the 7.5 remains constant.

And Brian Dennehy is horribly miscast. As Kyle Brofsloski once said, "NO! Not fucking Brian Dennehy!"

7.5/10

[ZapRowsdower]

Coach Carter (January 14th, 2005)

I guess this is what you'd call a modern-day Stand and Deliver. Samuel L. Jackson was great, and the movie has some very powerful moments in it. It's not going to win any oscars, and I admit I've probably seen a thousand sports movies just like this, but somehow it still works, and ends up being the first really good movie of 2005.

8/10

[ZapRowsdower]

Are We There Yet? (January 21st, 2005)

Would have been a halfway decent family flick, except for the most part it's not funny, and it's dragged down further by a talking dashboard bobble-head. I kid you not, there is a dashboard bobble-head that talks throughout the entire movie. It tried to be witty, but I noticed many awkward moments of silence whenever the damn thing spoke. Not worth anyone's money, not even the $0 I paid to see it. I actually want my time back.

3/10

Hide and Seek (January 28th, 2005)

Well, it's not out yet, but it will be, right? Besides, I've already commented on this. It's a waste of Robert De Niro and Dakota Fanning. It could have been really good. I get pissed every time I see the trailer, because the trailer makes the movie look really good. But don't be fooled! There are plotholes big enough to ride a horse and carriage through. So while the shock ending (which is a very familiar and tired one at that) may be shocking, it will make no sense in the end. So there you have it, another thriller that could have been good, ruined by a screenwriter who just said "fuck it". Much like Godsend. What a waste.

3/10

[Bartwald]

IamTheSmitty said:

And Brian Dennehy is horribly miscast. As Kyle Brofsloski once said, "NO! Not fucking Brian Dennehy!"

Wait! I like Brian Dennehy! He was great in F/X - Murder By Illusion.

But I've yet to see this Assault to tell you if I agree he's miscast here or not.

[ZapRowsdower]

Alone in the Dark (January 28th, 2005)

Uwe Boll, ladies and gentlemen. Uwe Boll. Infamous director of House of the Dead takes another video game and makes a horrible movie out of it.

This is about as close to Ed Wood as any filmmaker can get. All he really needed was a lower budget, and he'd be a real Ed Wood clone. This movie had it all; a ridiculous story, bad writing, and really, really bad acting. Tara Reid should never, EVER be allowed to play a smart woman again.

If you like to MST3K bad movies, by all means check this one out. I mean, it's Uwe Boll, I knew it was gonna be bad. But I like to make fun of bad movies, it's what I do. But if you're not like me, and want to avoid insultingly bad movies, you'd best steer clear of this one. This is a good, early candidate for Golden Asshat 2006.

1/10

[ZapRowsdower]

Boogeyman (February 4th, 2005)

Finally, a decent horror movie NOT ruined by its ending. If you like your horror movies, this is one that you should definitely check out. It's not perfect, but it's still pretty cool, even kinda creepy. So ignore the critics. This is one for the Horror fans out there (which last time I checked, critics AREN'T).

7.5/10

[ZapRowsdower]

Wedding Date, The (February 4th, 2005)

Zzz... zzz...

Oh, and even though I slept through it, I correctly guessed the entire movie. You already know how the movie is going to turn out, it follows that same romantic comedy formula, and just isn't funny enough to forgive that. I giggled a couple of times, but that's it.

3/10

[LivingDeadGirl]

IamTheSmitty said:

Boogeyman (February 4th, 2005)

Finally, a decent horror movie NOT ruined by its ending. If you like your horror movies, this is one that you should definitely check out. It's not perfect, but it's still pretty cool, even kinda creepy. So ignore the critics. This is one for the Horror fans out there (which last time I checked, critics AREN'T).

7.5/10

I'd been wondering about this one....whether it was worth watching or not. I'll have to check it out.

[ZapRowsdower]

Ong-Bak (January 21st, 2003 Thailand/February 11th, 2005 USA)

It took over two years before this gem to hit the states. What took them so freakin' long? This was one of the most entertaining, mind-blowingly awesome movies I had seen in a long time. Tony Jaa is an excellent martial artist, and I hope to see him in more films in the future. Here's hoping that DMX has nothing to do with them.

But the action sequences are absolutely unreal, and considering Jaa does his own stunts, that's pretty damn impressive. A couple of scenes seemed to drag; particularly the first 20 minutes, and a car-chase scene... rather, a low-speed-golf-cart-type-vehicle chase scene that really didn't belong in the movie. But other than that, Ong-Bak comes highly recommended.

9/10

Hitch (February 11th, 2005)

Another very entertaining movie. Will Smith and Eva Mendes have great chemistry. Kevin James is very funny. It's not gonna win any Oscars, but it's definitely a nice, upbeat feel-good movie worth seeing.

8.5/10

[ZapRowsdower]

Constantine (2005)
Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Djimon Hounsou, Tilda Swinton
Screenplay by Kevin Brodbin and Frank Cappello
Based on the comic book Hellblazer by Jamie Delano and Garth Ennis
Directed by Francis Lawrence
8.5/10

In 2000, Bryan Singer directed a film adaptation of X-Men. Following its enormous success, Hollywood decided to capitalize on the comic book market. The ensuing 4-5 years brought us Spider-man, Hulk, Daredevil, the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Hellboy, and the infamous dud known as Catwoman. This year, there are three- maybe more comic book movies yet to be released: Fantastic Four, Batman Begins, Sin City... Rumor has it the Green Hornet is to be released sometime this year as well. It's no surprise critics want to see this trend stop... but I still can't figure out why.

Constantine, an adaptation of DC's Hellblazer. Keanu Reeves plays John Constantine, a gifted (or cursed?) man with the ability to see angels and demons, sentenced to death and an ensuing eternity in Hell; therefore, he fights demons in order to buy his way into Heaven. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple. Rachel Weisz is a detective whose twin sister unexpectedly commits suicide, and she turns to Constantine for help.

Keanu Reeves is not a good actor. He never has been. Next to Vin Diesel, he's probably the most wooden actor out there today. This movie is no exception. And yes, his trademark "Whoa" is in here as well. Rachel Weisz is a really good actress on the other hand, and she did very well in Constantine. Shia LaBeouf is slowly but surely gaining respect. Soon it'll be a name everyone knows (and can pronounce). Djimon Hounsou is a great actor, but his talents are wasted in this movie. His character could have easily been played by anyone. Tilda Swinton was excellent; I feel her performance was the best in the movie.

The story is very good, and the movie is never slow. There was also a nice style in Lawrence's direction. The screenwriting could have used a little work, and there were a couple of continuity glitches (noticable ones) that kinda bother you. Other than that, if you're a comic book fan, there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy Constantine. It's a fun movie, and vastly superior to 2005's first comic book movie, Elektra.

IN SUMMARY: This is everything Van Helsing should have been.

The Smitty Approves.

8.5/10