Just Watched Movies (2010)

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Demon Hunter-A half-man, half-angel gets involved in a woman's missing person case and finds that a demonic overlord is planning to launch an attack on humanity with humans as vessels to transport the demons into the world and tries to end the plan from being engaged. Not all that bad, but it's really just way too short to mean anything. This thing is barely over an hour long and way too much of that is spent with him walking around investigating for such a short film. It's filled with a ton of nudity and sleaze, though, so it's not a total waste, and the final war does have some good action in it, but it just needed some more to it.

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Nature’s Grave-While on vacation at a secluded Australian beach, a couple's behavior toward the environment and to the animals living there eventually riles them up enough to force them to attack the couple, turning the vacation into a literal, waking nightmare. I thought this was supposed to be a horror film, not a drama about an Aussie couple heading for divorce, since the entire first hour of this is devoted to the couple's antics, from him acting like a prick to her trying to complain about it but he shoots her down since he's a prick. Even after all that time, it's a while before the animals start attacking, and even then it's nothing to get worked up over. A complete waste.

No Man’s Land: Rise of the Reeker-Stopping at a remote desert-side motel, a group of thieves and their local hostages find that all escape attempts are blocked by a supernatural creature that is merciless in killing them all, forcing them to find a way of stopping it so they can get away. Not that much better than the first one, mainly because it occasionally did something interesting, but that was a very rare event and it wasn't all that often anyway. Too much time with their different relationships and nothing at all about what the creature was, and it was only because it's a sequel and there's the creature's name in the title did I know what it was. A few good ideas, but way too much crap to really mean anything.

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Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent-When a group of friends head into the forest on a camping trip, a roadside accident causes a vengeful farmer to unleash the Kulev serpent upon them, and they must battle the indestructible monster to get out alive. Just way too short to mean anything, as this one's barely over an hour and doesn't allow it time to do anything, so this one gets a lot dragged down since it never really has a chance to do anything beyond a few good stalking scenes in the same area. Had this one been expanded a little more, it would've gone up a bit.

Snakes on a Train-A woman cursed with a body full of snakes boards a passenger train to receive treatment, only for several of the snakes to get loose and head into the train, causing chaos and panic when they start attacking the passengers onboard. Another massive disappointment, seeing as how this one has it to where the main point of the victims is to keep the snakes from getting loose, and manage to spend most of the film trying to do so, leaving only the last ten minutes for any kind of good snake action. Since they're not loose among the train, nothing of interest happens or very little of it is, so it's a pretty dull film as well, and even the film's fun finale can't make up for boredom.

Supercroc-When a gigantic crocodile begins heading toward the city of Los Angeles to recover a batch of stolen eggs, a military group must head into action to keep the creature at bay before it causes untold destruction. This one ended up being a massive disappointment, since it's more of a giant monster movie than a horror film as the croc is so much bigger than it should be it doesn't really attack anyone and instead is pretty much attacked all the way through. It's pretty much one long action film so it's got that going for it, but there's just very little horror elements present and so it drops down a lot. Then you get embarrassing-styled FX and you drop even more.

Lake Placid 3-When a series of strange disappearances has him concerned, a local wildlife officer finds that they are the cause of a group of monstrous crocodiles his son has found and kept for years, and must save the locals in the area from the savage animals. And Sci-Fi is back with a fantastic effort, full of excitement and great action scenes, plenty of kills, and of course the utterly crappy croc CGI FX, which is to be expected and is a part of the fun. Doesn't have the sense of humor running through it that the others have, but it's still got the best action in the series and that more than makes up for it.

Croc-When a gigantic crocodile escapes from a Thailand zoo, the local crocodile expert and a hunter head off to capture it while having to avoid the local mafia on their tail and the disbelieving authorities before the creature continues it's rampage. A rather fun and entertaining entry, mainly due to the fact that the creature's loose pretty much most of the time and so it allows for a lot of action and stalking scenes, and that makes for a really exciting film. Still has some problems with the croc FX, but it's still a lot of fun.

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Lost Voyage-When news of a long-missing ocean liner surfaces, a crew heads out to investigate the cause behind it's mysterious disappearance, and find that the ship is now the home to the ghosts of the crew when it when missing and must find a way to get away from the now murderous spirits. Don't really have much to say here, long had this film taped off the Sci-Fi Channel and now added it uncensored to my collection, so I feel really good about that. Wasn't all that bad at all, and definitely enjoyed it.

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The Hitman-Rather enjoyable, if a bit flawed, Chuck Norris film, where he joins a Chicago mob and takes them down from the inside. Had a few problems with the story (he was hunting them for years, and during that time, it would've become obvious to them who was coming after them, yet without changing his appearance, he is able to gain entrance into their ranks?) but once Chuck gets going, it's pretty fun. Little light on the flying fists, more on the gunfire, which is nice, and I can't say it was a bad film.

Punisher: War Zone-Goddamn was this one awesome. Totally single-minded all the way through, focusing on just one thing: making sure every living thing in the area is pelting with twenty bullets more than necessary for getting the job done. Explosions, bullet holes, and blood are the most common sights to see in here, it was just really fun to see something like this again. Umm, the story was a different matter, but that was only afterwards when I thought about it.

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In the Blood-A series of vicious murders around a college campus begins to freak out a student since his sister appears to be a potential candidate for a future victim, and must learn to control his burgeoning psychic abilities to predict how to save her and stop the madman's rampage. Apparently, this movie doesn't exist since I can't find anything on it, but it's not as bad as Sheltered, the other recent film I've seen that doesn't exist. The visions are pretty freaky, the kills are certainly brutal enough and the backstory is quite decent, but because this is a gay film, it's also really flawed. There's absolutely no on-screen kills, so no stalking, so suspenseful set-ups, no blood-splatter and no way to fear the killer, who's identity is obvious. And in place of all those good horror elements, it focuses on the gay relationship, which hampers the pace considerably and never lets the horror elements to come through. It's got potential, but really could've used a lot of work.

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The Gathering-An amnesiac recovering in a small village gradually learns that she is part of a cursed lineage of people doomed to wander the world watching human atrocities, and must race to stop the impending disaster she arrived there to watch. Pretty unique and creative, but that's not all that much of an excuse, other than to generate some atmosphere and some decent action in the last half, but otherwise this one had some flaws even though it comes out all right in the end.

Room 33-Stranded in the middle of the forest, a group of friends seek shelter in an abandoned mental hospital and stumble upon the lone surviving member of the facility's original patients murdering them off one-by-one. Pretty decent, some good old-school style scenes and ideas, just played out with a modern look and touch, and it gets pretty good at times, just doesn't have enough to drive it over the top and really make it more memorable than it should've been.

Octane-When she disappears at a rest stop, a mother's search for her missing daughter leads her on a frantic chase of a deadly cult that is intent on introducing her into their society in incredibly violent ways. A lame thriller with a few bits of horror thrown in, not all that worthwhile at all. Supposedly creepy if it happened to you, but that's about it here. Not a lot of interest.

Hollywood Kills-When a group of friends find themselves invited to an exclusive Hollywood after-party, they realize that they have been taken by a psychotic director who's using them as the unwilling participants in his latest snuff horror film. Rather terrible torture film, having almost no action, a really confusing plotline and very little to nothing in terms of interest generated by the actions. Enough boobs and blood to keep me from turning it off, but still further proof that entire genre needs to fucking die.

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The Skeptic-When a relative passes, a man inherits her old, decrepit mansion and comes to learn she believed it to be haunted, and he sets out to prove it was simply a matter of her not being able to recognize everyday events around her in her falling health, unaware of a deadly secret lurking within it's walls. An incredibly lame haunted house film, featuring very little of interest, excitement or even haunted happenings. It's supposed to be a play as to whether he's really doing it all in his mind, but if they actually showed stuff happening and then done the mind-trip scenario, it'd be a lot of interesting or even exciting. As it is, it's a haunted house film without the haunted house.

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The Devil’s Tomb-A group of Special Forces soldiers are sent in to investigate the disappearance of a US scientist in the Middle East, and stumble upon a collection of bodies claimed to be the Nephilim who are using the facilities bodies in an attempt to escape their imprisonment and unleash a second holy war on mankind. Kinda fun, even though it's a bit dull in places, has a lot of good ideas in place and manages to get some rather fun times going towards the end, but the plot is a mess, the storyline is confusing and it's just really hard to get going at times. Still, I've seen a lot worse.

End of the Line-A group of religious cultists descend upon a subway train and try to purge the passengers of their sins in order to allow them entrance to God during their anointed Judgment Day, forcing the survivors to fight them off before they are killed. This would've been a lot of fun if they would've just dropped the religious angle. Seriously, a group of demented cultists going crazy in the subways murdering people would've made this a lot better instead of constantly hearing people about Jesus, God, and all that bullshit. Still, it's quite creepy, got good gore and plenty of action, but the mere inclusion of religion dooms this one mightily.

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Bane-A group of people are abducted and taken to a remote facility where they are tortured by a team of scientists for an undisclosed study, and are kept in line by a psychotic killer who threatens their escape. Utterly, utterly terrible torture film that is more about the captives trying to figure out a way out of their predicament than anything to do with actual horror, leaving it feeling like a thriller more often than not, and only in the few frames do we actually get a killer, but by then it's just so what. Not worth mentioning.

Boogeyman-A man returns to his old home when his mother dies to put to rest his childhood fears of a supernatural entity preying upon his family, and stumbles upon the creature intent on targeting him for escaping his clutches years ago. Getting over the lame deaths, PG-13 rating and utterly incomprehensible storyline, this one wasn't half-bad. Some decent action scenes, a couple of really good freak-outs and a good finale, just ruined by the opening remarks.

The Attic-A young agoraphobic stuck in her house is tormented by ghostly sightings of her twin sister running around the house, and when she decides to investigate, finds an incredibly sinister secret in her family's history that they are trying to keep hidden from her. Not really all that great, mainly because the ghost never shows up, engages in no harmful activity to the woman, and is revealed in a final twist to be entirely too ludicrous to ever really capitalize on what a great beginning it had. Those are the film's biggest issues there, and are what really make this one quite hard to get into and overall really dull.

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Whiteout-When a dead body is discovered just before they are to depart from a research station in Antarctica, a US Marshall must quickly find the killer responsible before an encroaching storm traps him with an unarmed group of scientists for six months. Some good suspense here and there, a few good stalking scenes, but frankly, this is a lot more of a thriller than a straight-up horror film, making for a large section of film that contains no scares or involvement of horror at all, the killer is barely on-screen and isn't that good when he is as it's only one scene where he chooses to stay hidden while the rest of the time is not involved with the story at all. The potential is here for a good slasher, but as is, it's a halfway-decent thriller.

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Driftwood-Arriving at a last-resort youth reformatory, a young man stumbles upon a ghostly secret that results in the entire facility being haunted by the ghost of a former victim of the headmaster's cruelty and must solve his murder before more students end up like him. Decent, disposable drama at times, not a whole lot of scares and a rather boring beginning, even though it does pick up some steam later on towards the finale, but those first problems as well as a mystery that's easily solved sink this one a little lower.

Furnace-The strange murder of a prison guard sends a detective to the prison, and finds that the area's long history of ghostly hauntings and mysterious accidents are starting over again, leading him to race to solve the secret murder that started the rampage. A truly solid and highly enjoyably ghost movie that manages to get a lot going for it. With a great prison set that looks really creepy, a truly engrossing mystery that manages to contain enough twists and turns that it doesn't seem like one that would be solved easily but also allows for a lot of great confrontations, both of the haunting and the killing variety, and along with a large body of kills that produce enough blood to satisfy and a couple of really good hauntings, it's really enjoyable.

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Beerfest-Yeah, I'd seen it before, but frankly, I didn't remember much of it at the time and seeing it again was a great idea. Pretty funny all the way through, tons of great lines but the whole competition is pretty much a one-note joke repeated over and over again, so it does wear a little thin in the last half, but I still had a lot of fun with it.

The Slammin' Salmon-The fourth in a row for the Broken Lizard guys, who are officially gone to worthwhile endeavors when a new film is released. Just pure balls-to-the-wall hilarity all the way through, non-stop jokes and hilarious situations, no one gets upstaged at all and pretty much everyone in the cast beyond the guys are funny. Highly recommended.

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Against the Dark-A group of master hunters tries to escort a group of survivors from a hospital containing a horde of vampires in the middle of a violent war between the two species before the entire area is leveled in a tactical strike, but the advancing numbers allow the creatures to keep making advances on the group as they try to survive. A very enjoyable and entertaining entry, packed with tons of fantastic Seagal based action, very few down-spots and some inventive reworking of the vampire mythos to deliver a solid, if still flawed entry. No one's going to call this the best of all-time, but it's enjoyable.

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The Echo-An ex-con moves back into his deceased-mother's apartment to get on with his life, but when the sounds of domestic abuse coming from the room next door get too much that he finally calls the police on them, the resulting aftermath of grisly violence and ghostly phenomenon launched against him makes him afraid for his life. Starts off incredibly slowly without too much of interest but once it gets going there's some good stuff here. Lots of good haunting scenes, some creepy-looking ghosts and a clever enough storyline manage to make for a surprisingly enjoyable experience. Much better than expected.