Just Watched Movies (2010)

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Voice-When a young singer at a high school is murdered, her ghost teams up with her still-grieving best friend to solve the mystery of her death, and finds a tangled web of violence and secrets involving previous students at the school that is intent on staying a secret. Well, I don't really know what to say here, this was a shockingly average Asian ghost film. Some expressive images, a nifty mystery, some brutal gore scenes, but just way too much time spent on the girls doing nothing at all but hang around the school doing nothing, a rather lame twist where the ghost girl is actually friendly and not scary since there's a human killer and not a ghost and a way-too-long running time really sink this one since it could've been much better.

The Wig-When a leukemia patient is stricken with baldness during the curing process, her discovery of a strange wig gives her a boost of confidence and zest for life, but her sudden behavioral changes start to get her sister too suspicious of her activities, and the investigation into it's past leads to a deadly secret that threatens all of their friends. Man, what a disappointment. Instead of being an awesome Asian ghost film, we get a sister bonding film replete with barely any ghost action, a lame twist that takes the film to extreme levels of stupidity and hardly anything worthwhile, which is all the more disappointing after it starts off with a premise perfectly fit to provide tons of fun stuff.

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Ghost Month-When a young woman moves into a traditional Chinese woman's house to be her new housekeeper, the accidental desecration of a sacred ceremony to appease the restless spirits around her unleashes a torrent of supernatural visions and attacks which she has to struggle against in order to stop their malicious behavior. A surprisingly above-average take on the genre, much better than expected and certainly got a lot out of it.Some good scares, great ghosts and an inviting mystery to solve are somewhat decent motivators, and really only a been-there, done-that feeling about it being the main disappointment.

Paranormal Entity-When they are inundated with a series of unexplained supernatural activities, a family decides to document the actions against them, which manages to make the spirit all the more violent and angry at them and starts to increase the tone of his attacks towards them. There was a few moments of brightness shining through this one, as a couple of the attacks are actually bordering on decent, but frankly, the fact that the hand-held camera is again the focus on this one, the dearth of on-screen footage and is centered around either non-threatening ideas or just reacting to stuff off-screen makes for an absolutely tedious watch. Could've been good with a bit more involvement, but it's a wasted opportunity as such.

Cloverfield-Utter, complete driven, a total waste of a great idea punctuated with brief glimpses of originality but totally destroyed in the hand-held camera, total lack of on-screen monster shots and hardly any of that anyway when we do get it. One great section where the military comes barging down the street to confront it when they walk down in front of it is the only really good scene here, the rest of this is just pure crap. The US still hasn't made a good monster film since the 70s, and it's looking to continue the trend.

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Offspring-When a family finds themselves under attack and eventually kidnapped by a gang of cannibalistic children and taken back to mate with, the local police force and several friends of theirs who escaped must help rescue them before they become food for the group. A lot better than I figured it would after it's dreadful start, but it got so much better in the latter half that it became all the more watchable and enjoyable due to that. Some nice gore effects, lots of nudity, some great ideas and a rather nifty series of ideas to make it all the better. It just really started off on a bad note, which is all I can fault in this one.

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The Others-When new workers arrive at an old Victorian home to look after a woman's two bed-ridden children, the group experiences a series of ghostly happenings that questions their religious upbringing and must figure out what's going on and how to stop it from happening. Absolutely banal drama rather than a horror film, just nothing at all happens here at all and is just so slow and plodding that even if this had something going on, the sheer boredom would collapse this one indefinitely. The house looks nice, though.

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Boy Eats Girl-When the opportunity to express his love for his best friend backfires and accidentally results in his death, a young man finds that his return to life is accompanied by a strange virus that turns his victims into flesh-craving zombies like him and he must keep them from turning on his friends. An awesome British Shaun rip-off, following the same exact formula and making it dead-on all the way. Really can't complain about a whole lot, it was just a lot of fun and was really impressive.

Dance of the Dead-During their high school's senior prom, a group of losers finds that the local power plant's radioactive run-off has seeped into the town's cemetery and has raised the dead, and they must stop them from taking over the town and keeping their friends safe from the masses. Wow, was this one ever impressive. Amazing pace, tons of action, lots of gore, laughs, jokes, this one was pretty much flawless viewing except for a few minor, minor questions marks here and there, but overall this one was excellent.

Zombie Town-The sheriff of a small mid-western town and his friends discover that a viral parasite has been unleashed upon the town and is turning their friends into ravenous flesh-craving zombies, forcing them to battle off their friends in order to stop the virus from spreading. Fairly decent zombie film, rips-off Night of the Creeps but not so that you're constantly reminded of it every single of the film. Nice gore effects, good looking zombies, a couple nice laughs, an action-packed finale, overall this one was pretty good.

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The Rockville Slayer-When a series of murders rocks a quiet mid-western town, the local sheriff and his staff become concerned they have a legendary serial killer on their trail, but as the bodies of the locals start piling up, they fear it's the work of a copy-cat artist and race to stop the murder spree from continuing. Typical investigative drama disguised as a horror film, not a whole lot here worthwhile. All the kills happen off-screen and require stumbling upon the bodies, there's very little suspense and really only the quantity of the nudity is worth anything here. I guess I could call the killer's identity in here, but I have a feeling some will guess it fairly early on.

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Horror Express-When a professor ships a fossil of a prehistoric ape-man back to the UK from China, the train-ride back becomes the hunting ground for the reawakened creature as he targets the passengers onboard, forcing his captor and a few other survivors to stop the creature before it kills all the passengers. A decent Eurohorror from the mid-70s, a rather fun amount of confrontations with the creature even though they commit the cardinal sin that these should never do, kill off the creature in the first half so it's not visible for the second half, and those scenes are dreadfully dull. It's still somewhat fun, but it really could've used some work in that area.

The Manster-A reporter in Japan is sent to interview the inventor of a radical new formula that could save mankind, but when he realizes that he is the perfect subject for his next experiment, he drugs the unfortunate man and injects him with a serum that gradually transforms him into a hideous, two-headed monster who goes on a murderous rampage. A rather nice quickie, a little bit too short for the type of story it's telling since it focuses on the behavioral change to instigate the horror when it's only had one or two examples to showcase it all so it just feels rushed, but when it goes for the action, it's not all that bad.

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Horror of Dracula-Arriving in London, a series of strange deaths and mysterious events surrounding a family forces a paranormal expert to investigate, and eventually discovers that the cause is the mysterious stranger who has just arrived from Transylvania who is intent on carrying out a vampiric reign of terror in the city. Lots of good stuff here, from the grandiose Gothic atmosphere of the castle visit early on, the confrontations with the brides in the castle and the build-up of her vampirization are all great stuff, as is the expert finale ending, but the slow-pace during the middle where we're just waiting for stuff to happen and his efforts go unnoticed by the family and outside forces cause him to fail are a little dragging.

The Brides of Dracula-Called to a small town in the country, Van Helsing finds that the cause for a series of strange murders in town is done by a vengeful vampire who has sights set on his new girlfriend, and he must race to stop the vampire's plans before more townspeople fall victim to the madman. Again, more grandiose Gothic atmosphere with their immense castle and later on in the school, the relationship for once isn't excruciating to watch and it all comes together spectacularly in the end with the battle in the barn and outside in the courtyard, and I really don't have much wrong to say about it. The lead vampire is a little weak when it's just him, but that's due to him not really having a motive at all.

Dracula, Prince of Darkness-A group of travelers lost in the woods around a feared castle are offered shelter within, leading to the resurrection of the vampire count within and he resumes his bloodlust throughout the area, leading a priest on a mission to stop the madman before he can complete his plans. Not that it's all that bad of a film, it's just so excruciatingly padded and dragged out that it takes way too long for something to happen. Only in the finale does the film seem to have any kind of momentum or energy, or the characters do anything with any kind of importance to their actions, which is what rises this one up considerably. The castle location is indeed fabulous, the resurrection is one of the better imagined in the series, and there's some fun to be had with the stalking, but the struggle to get there is the big thing.

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave-Fearful of resurrecting the legendary vampire, a small town's quest to prevent him from appearing results in his accidental resurrection and ensuing rampage through town, leading to a rag-tag band of survivors to stop him before he can claim more victims. Some of their best, most expressive Gothic atmosphere ever, from the opening quest to the castle to the stalking of the couple in the alleyways and the finale, which is as action-packed and enjoyable as they've ever done, the resurrection method is ingenious and the film is just at a furious pace, which is the best virtue since it never does get boring. Far more graphic and bloody than what was the norm before, some of their best-looking women and one of the best vampires ever also play an important factor here.

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The Reeds-A group of friends on a boating trip together get stuck in a deep reed swamp in the countryside, and stumble upon a gruesome secret that turns their vacation into a nightmare far more deadly and terrifying than they were intending and forcing them into a horrifying struggle to survive the night. Jesus, man, what the hell happened in this one? I have no idea as there's no way anyone can come out of this one with any knowledge of what happened at all, this one has since become the most confusing film I've ever watched of all time. There's something with ghosts, a human killer, parallel dimensions and an ancient curse or something, I can't make heads or tails of this plot, and it's really only got a lot of blood and gore for me to stay interested.

The Insatiable-Managing to trap the killer of a series of gruesome killings in his apartment building, a lonely man finds that it's a seductive female vampire and she slowly begins to take over his mind and forcing him to get her victims to feed on, forcing him to commit the gruesome acts while trying to remain inconspicuous of the vampire hunter who arrived looking for her. Really kinda dull for my tastes, not a whole lot of action and it really keeps things centered around just a few areas. A lot of gore in the kills and a rather decent-looking female vampire who gets naked a lot keeps it interesting, but beyond that, a massive disappointment.

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Skeleton Crew-A film-crew making a movie about a demented Finnish doctor who film snuff movies of him torturing patients finds the long-lost tapes and realize that one of them has been possessed by their spirits into carrying on their legacy, forcing them into a deadly struggle with the homicidal maniac. A little bit better than the other one, but there's still just a missing element to this one that's keeping me from saying I definitively enjoyed it. There's some good stuff here, and a lot to like about it, but I just can't pin-point what it was that was keeping this one down.

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Mandrake-Sent into the jungle to find a long-lost Spanish treasure, a rescue team finds that it's tied into a supernatural creature intent on wreaking havoc in retaliation for it's disturbance and forcing them to battle both it's human guardians and the creature itself. When the creature's on-screen, which isn't that often, it's quite a fun ride. The creature is cool, the design is unique and it's really fun and energetic, but too much time is spent away on other ideas that we hardly even get to see it, let alone get a glimpse of it. Not a bad film at all, but one that could use a lot of work.

Monsterwolf-A woman returning to her hometown to work on a pending legal matter with the local Indian group finds herself in the middle of a rampage by a supernatural creature that has a long history with the tribe and must race to stop it before the whole town is killed. Kinda long-winded and really tends to go off on useless tangents for far too long, but when it stays on track it's quite enjoyable. Kinda predictable too as well, but again, all the action and encounters are much more enjoyable and raise it up significantly.

Sharktopus-Testing for a genetically-mutated shark/octopus creature goes awry in the battlefield and accidentally unleashes it upon the world, forcing a rag-tag team of scientists and hunters to band together to destroy it before it's rampage gets further out of control. Typical Sci-Fi entry, so this one gets a lot of awesome stuff about it. Great monster, tons of action, lots of deaths, huge heaping servings of cheese and a great attitude about it. Quite possibly one of the best this year.

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After Midnight-A professor invites students to his home to conduct a special session, and they tell tales of fear: a couple get stranded in the countryside near a house with a sinister history that may still be alive, a group of friends looking for a party stumble upon a vicious gang of guard-dogs, a phone-service operator is harrassed by a psycho tormenting the celebrity she's taking the messages for, and while they're telling stories, a disgruntled student has other plans for the special session. A rather enjoyable anthology effort, takes a while to get into the main stories since the wrap-around is given just as much focus as the stories so they're quite short and not as involving as they usually are in these films, but it's a much more cohesive effort for the trouble with only one of the stories coming off rather lame, and that one has some good stuff to it. This came off quite nicely and highly underrated.

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The Devil's Mercy-Moving into a new house, a married couple finds that the landlord and his niece have a sinister idea in store for them, and eventually discover it involves a clan of witches going back hundreds of years and must stop the plan from being placed in action. Absolutely pitiful, nothing happens at all, no scares, no action, no suspense, just a bunch of utterly boring and meandering scenes of people arguing with each other supposedly under the influence of witchcraft or for failing in their planning. Absolutely nothing of value in this one.

[Bartwald]

From Paris With Love (2010) which is actually a great tongue-in-cheek action flick. A bit Tarantinoesque at times (well, Travolta's devouring Royal with Cheese here, after all!), a bit philosophical at others (check out the film's great final line!), with very energetic set pieces and fine acting from Travolta. I didn't expect much after reading all these cruel reviews, but in the end I was seriously blown away by it.

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The Plague of the Zombies-A series of strange disappearances in a remote village lead a professor to the area, where he finds the brutish village headmaster using voodoo rites to reanimate the dead and use them as his personal slaves, forcing them to race to stop the madman before he can accomplish any more misdeeds. Absolutely enjoyable all around, with a lot to like about it. From a spectacular Gothic village, complete with the perpetual fog bank around them, the creepy locations that are perfect for this sort of film, a group of fine-looking zombies and a lot of voodoo-related rituals and such make for a rousing time, including the old Hammer standard of burning-the-house-down finale that always works well in these films. Not really all that many flaws to be found.

The Reptile-Following a relative's death, a man and his wife head off to the remote village to inherit their house, unknowing of the bizarre experiments they conducted with a neighbor in the village that has unleashed a horrifying monster which is soon terrorizing the populace there, forcing them to kill the creature before more are harmed. The film is just an utter bore, as nothing really happens at all. It's just basically a repetition of one of three different scenes: the villagers give them the cold shoulder, the local doctor gets upset at them for no reason or everyone is sitting around talking about the death of the first person. The monster attacks don't even start until the 55-minute mark, the creature isn't revealed until ten minutes into the finale, and we break up the action to get the full back-story revealed to us before it starts up the action again. The Gothic flavors are still in full effect and it manages to get some good action towards the end, but it's just so deathly dull you'll fall asleep before it gets to the good stuff.

The Devil Rides Out-Gathering together in a large mansion, a group of Satanists use the friend of a Duke to finish their ritual, unaware that the Duke has powers of the occult as well and uses them in a war with the Satanists to save his friend and stop their plan to bring Hell on Earth. I will concede the weakness of the coven area you covered (seemed to me that all he could do was hypnotically control people as long as they were looking in his eyes, so if you look away, he really has no power over you) and it has a tendency to employ one of my most hated traits in a film, the one character who knows what's going on never explaining anything to the outsiders when performing rituals/actions of great importance that are going to save someone, so when they do something logical in a situation, you get a feeling he'll kill them right then and there for messing up the situation when it all could've been done away with had he simply shared his knowledge so they know what's going on and what's happening as they have no experience in the subject matter, but I can't say it was a bad film at all. Some enjoyable scenes, a rather fun black mass ceremony and a hugely enjoyable car chase all make up for the few flaws.

The Gorgon-A rash of murders in a small German hamlet shortly after the arrival of a scientist sent there for his studies forces him to call upon his former professor to help clear his name, and together they find the cause to be of a legendary mythological figure reawakened in modern times. Highly enjoyable and entertaining Gothic affair, muddled with the needless romance angle that just goes nowhere and ends up in a clichéd and predictable situation, but the monster is cool, the deaths are fun and the climax, back in their familiar Gothic castle is a lot of fun. But the romance, as well as a bit of a slow pace early on, lower it slightly.