Just Watched Movies (2010)

[slayrrr666]

P2-Trapping in her office building while waiting for a ride home, a woman finds that she's being stalked by an obsessive maniac who has intentions to kill those who have tormented her in the past, but while doing so, realizes that they're done in the attempt to win her over and she must escape before his actions get even more dangerous. Predictable, bland and really not all that worthwhile until it gets to the end for the final confrontation, which is actually really good and delivers some excitement, but otherwise this is just a routine effort many of us are going to predict everything that's going on down to the letter in the exact manner we say so, the dynamics between them are just utterly contrived and barely worthwhile and this just doesn't work. A huge disappointment.

[knightofcydonia]

Machete - Above average...just

We are what we are - Lot of hype, not really justified.

The Despicable Me - Not a classic, but fun.

Airplane is on just now

[slayrrr666]

Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dracula and The Wolfman-Mexican luchador film, pairing the legendary (or so I've been told) Santo with friend Blue Demon together to find out why a mutual friend has been acting weird since the association with a new boyfriend, and they find vampiric activity, helped along by an army of werewolf helpers, to be at the root cause. Highly enjoyable effort, filmed to the brim with cheese, from the make-up to the transformations and plotline to the fact that there's masked wrestlers running around acting like spies and such, as well as numerous other parts that just make this an insanely goofy-sounding but immensely fun time. Really, the cheese here is about it's only flaw, other than the fact I didn't really understand a word that happened due to it being in Spanish.

The Vampires of Coyoacan-Again, another Mexican luchador flick, this time pairing up another couple, Mil Mascaras and Superzan to investigate the death of a fellow wrestler and find that a coven of vampires have targeted a friend's daughter to aid in the resurrection of a long-dead vampire god, or something. All this is completely foreign to the lack of understanding what's going on, but based on the action, that's as best as I'll make about it I guess. Surprisingly, this one was even better than the first one, with more action, more wrestling, even higher amounts of cheese and one scene so gloriously cheesy you have to see it to believe it. Again, just the fact that I don't know what's going on is what really harmed this viewing.

Trackman-A group of bank robbers and their hostages descend into the Moscow sewers to avoid detection and hideout until it's safe to dispense the cash, but are soon stalked and killed by a masked madman supposedly deformed by the Chernobyl accident and forcing them to get out of the sewers alive. Highly impressive Russian slasher, with utterly impressive and suspenseful locations, plenty of action, good-looking gore and a great killer, basically hitting all the hallmarks one needs for a good time with these and basically only managing in a few flaws. Highly recommended.

Night Watch/Day Watch-Set in an alternate reality where supernatural creatures are real and part of everyday society, the two races are controlled in a truce by governing bodies for each: The Day Watch ensures the good beings stay true to the pack, the Night Watch makes sure the once-evil creatures never stay back to their roots. All seems fine until a mystical prophecy foretelling the arrival of a being that will lead to the end of one race starts coming true, and both sides begin to frantically enable it to come to fruition. Could be horror, could be fantasy, could be action, but whatever you classify them, I never really cared. Far, far too complicated and overlong to get me to care about either one. Impressive special effects, granted, but nothing else that really stuck with me.

[slayrrr666]

Glass Trap-Magazine workers are trapped in a high rise building by a group of ravenous, genetically-altered ants and must find a way to get out of the building alive. Seen it before, nothing too special, but now have an uncensored version to add to the collection. Not that there was anything really offensive or such that should've been cut, but now no commercial interruptions.

Simon Says-Going camping in the woods, a group of friends stumble upon a deranged killer who has taken to the area as his own personal hunting ground and when he spies one of them as a potential mate, they're forced to fight him off before he slaughters them all. An absolutely fun and enjoyable slasher, filled with off-beat humor, outrageous sight gags, tons of gore, plenty of old-school chills and a demented streak a mile wide. One of the better efforts to come along in the style in a long time.

[Bartwald]

Guys - Machete "just average"? Night Watch "too complicated to care about"? Come on now - these are two beautiful flicks you're talking about!

Anyway, I just saw Flipped and man was I touched by this movie! WAAAY better than anything Rob Reiner directed in recent years!

[slayrrr666]

Sometimes it doesn't matter about the visual quality of a film, as there's times where other factors come creeping in and ruining them. I did say they looked really good and the effects did look nice, but frankly, that was only in certain parts. The rest of the film was far too complicated and over-explainey for me. I don't like having to think that much, that's not why I watch films. I watch them to take my mind off things, to be entertained, and if I have to spend over an hour (which in a film that's two to begin with is way too far into a film for me to have to be dealing with figuring out what's going on) trying to figure out who's who and on what side, trying to read subtitles that turn different colors, rattle around the screen and zip and fly around while concentrating on the visual aspect of what's going on makes it all that much harder for me to get into a film, then on top of all of these other issues, I've got to keep track of a plot that complex and detailed. Way too much going on for me and my ADD brain.

The Graves-Attempting to bond together before splitting up to go on with their lives, two sisters find their roadside rest stop the home of a band of homicidal cult worshippers possessed by an invisible force to kill outsiders to make sacrifices in order to carry on their way of life, and must stop a series of killers in order to get out alive. Probably should've been three different films since it feels incredibly jumbled and scatter-shot, as it has the feel of several different movies wrapped into one, but that's not as big a fault as it seemed when it's pretty much all action all the way through, filled with running, chasing, stalking and much more good times to be had. Some other minor problems aside, this one wasn't half bad.

Children of the Corn (2009)-On a road trip through rural Nebraska, a divorcing couple find an abandoned town to be the home of a cult of children worshipping a bizarre figure that lives in their cornfields and must find a way of stopping the kids from turning them into their next sacrifice. Filled with way too much bickering from the couple we're supposed to be rooting for, it makes the beginning really hard to care about what's going on, and when filled with as much delusional religious psychobabble as it does, it really tested my patience in the middle parts, but thankfully it had eons more action, a lot more suspense and a pretty enjoyable finale to get me back into it and it overall turned into a decent but highly flawed entry.

[slayrrr666]

Hellementary: An Education in Death-In order to disprove an urban legend about an abandoned school, a group of friends break in and prove that there are no ghosts there, but they soon find the legends are true and must race to get out of the building alive. A pretty decent ghost movie, good effects on the ghosts, a few decent kills, acceptable jump-scares and a good dose of atmosphere. It's just never really thrilling or exciting, just there. It's not really terrible, but it doesn't go the extra step to wow someone over and it becomes a good if not spectacular release.

[slayrrr666]

Dark Waters-A scientist and his research team are sent to the bottom of the sea to inspect a secret base for observing marine life his father built, unaware that a swarm of genetically mutated sharks are in the area and intent on making the crew a meal, forcing them to battle off the creatures and the increasingly-hostile escorts around them. Not a whole lot to add here, just now an uncensored copy in the collection to allow me tape over my Sci-Fi Channel copy. Decent film, just not a whole lot of shark attacks to really get me interested overall, and the uncut gore wasn't all that awesome.

The Rundown-A bounty hunter is sent into the Amazon jungle after the delinquent son of a multi-millionaire, but it proves far more troublesome than he anticipated. More of a comedy spliced with action than a straight-up entry in either genre, which appeals to me far more than one or the other, but I have to say it wasn't that terrible. Some of the gags were really funny, most elicited a chuckle and some just didn't work, and the action took a back-seat most of the time, sometimes forced into providing the laughs but when it did go full-on it was pretty enjoyable. Not that bad, but I would've preferred a straight-up version into either category.

[slayrrr666]

Blackwoods-On a road-trip to meet her family, a couple get sidetracked by the residents of a small-town community who are seemingly trying to kill him, but as he spends more time in the area, he begins to see the real reason behind their actions and tries to stop them before he comes to any harm. Built around one of the most insipid and utterly moronic twists in the genre (it's not the worst, but man is it up there) that basically makes the entire film completely worthless, an irritating belief that every single action scene must be shot in slow-motion combined with a camera angle that is so blurred and out-of-focus it's still impossible to tell what's going on, no gore or even kills happen on-screen and that it's more of a mystery than anything makes it nearly impossible to get into this one and really care since nothing happens. It's got his usual flare for gorgeous scenery, but that's about it here.

Intermedio-While going on a run to the Mexican border to smuggle over some prized drugs, a group of friends find themselves hunted in the caves by a group of inhuman creatures with an insatiable bloodthirst and must race to get out before getting caught by the creatures or the US Government Agents on their trail. Not a whole lot to say here, just saw it in an uncut form finally. Gore is better here but still fake-looking due to the terrible CGI, and the no commercial breaks are fine, but still a film with the same problems I found last time. Good to have it in the collection, not that the film really had a whole lot that needed cut out.

Inside-No, this one was not the French horror film, but was actually one I mistakenly watched instead of that one, about a young man who's spying on a grieving family who think he's the reincarnation of their just-deceased son come back to them. It's supposedly a horror film, but frankly, the premise is just not that scary, the actions taken are uninteresting and it's really hard to even care at all about it, although that could be due to my feeling duped at it not being the one I thought it was going to watch since that's been on my to-watch list for a while and thought I had finally knocked it off, only to be confronted by this monstrously boring film. I doubt me knowing what it will be next time around will garner any positive thoughts on it since despite the deception, nothing looked good enough for me to warrant a revisit anyway.

[slayrrr666]

Mr. and Mrs. Smith-A husband and wife learn that they are each assassins out to kill each other as their next mission, and when they fail, go on the run from each of their bosses who want to take them out. Apparently, the trailers in this one made a grave mistake in making this one look like some sort of comedy, since I didn't laugh all that much here, but instead it was a real balls-to-the-wall action film instead. Filled with all the good stuff I like in these kinds of films: non-stop chasing, shooting and fighting, tons of things blowing up nice and big, and a flimsy plot upon which that serves as an excuse to do that with. Kinda overlong since apparently they thought these two could act, and it's really boring when they're not blowing something up, but I thought it was a lot better than it looked from back in the day.

[slayrrr666]

Diagnosis: Death-A group of people in a hospital during an experimental drug trial for cancer research stumble upon a ghostly mystery involving a writer who once stayed there, and as they learn more about the mystery, they try to distinguish reality from hallucination and stop the hauntings once and for all. Another in a long line of not-terribly-funny British horror-comedies, this one is actually really good despite the intentions. A rather good ghost mystery in it's own right, built up nicely into a rather engaging manner that has it's fair share of intriguing scenes, some good kills and some fun along the way. It does have a few other problems besides the inability to be really funny, but it's certainly a lot better than it sounds.

Staunton Hill-Traveling through the Virginia backwoods, a group of friends stumble upon a family of killers who sell the meat of their victims to the locals around town and must find a way to get away before they're turned into the next victims. This one takes a long time to get going and really doesn't have a whole lot going for it that really rises above the average. Shockingly cliche at every turn, from the retarded son that does all the dirty work to their God-fearing ways and treatment of the family, it really strikes no new ground at all and has only the brutality of the kills and some fine stalking scenes to carry it.

[slayrrr666]

Charlie's Angels-Three women band together to catch a criminal mastermind from taking over the world, and must balance the job with other personal matters in their lives. There are two styles of films I found not to bother with at all:

1. Showcasing people who have no business in a martial arts film as experts.

2. Gathering a group of A-list stars, blow up a few things in the trailer and call it an action film.

This one violates both of them, so therefore the film is absolute shit. I'm forced now to watch a sequel I know is going to be even lamer as I know all about it featuring both of these trademarks, but I have to.

[slayrrr666]

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle-Man, if my girlfriend keeps subjecting me to crap like this, I might break up with her. This was just pathetic and an overall excruciating waste of time. Nothing of any interest here, and when you've got women bouncing around in bikinis, that's saying something.

[slayrrr666]

Bad Company-A CIA agent finds an identical twin for his recently-killed partner and enlists him to complete the last mission that was never finished, unknown to the guy. At first, I assumed this was a complete comedy from the commercials, but it's actually not all that bad of an action film laced with some comedic inserts, and since I'm not a huge Chris Rock fan, the fact that he's a lot more toned down from his stand-up roots is really nice. The action isn't bad, it's suitably entertaining in it's style but it's just a little too overlong for what it is, and that manages to really hold it down more than anything else.