24

[Pulpmariachi]

Hour Two: SPOILERS

UPDATE: CTU has falled under the assumption the terrorists put up that Jack Bauer killed Palmer (though simple LOGIC tells us that Palmer was pretty much the only person in the world Jack respected). Suspicious Teenager is being stupid, as well as CTU who never really figure out anything since Bauer was Director. Idiot President is still holding something with the Russians, so we have to see how that plays out.... Oh, and the manhunt for Bauer has begun and the baddies are like, "We'll just let CTU get him because we're launching WITHIN THE HOUR...."

UPDATE: Jack goes to the building where Palmer was shot and goes in undercover (incognito) to find out some information David may have been keeping under. He goes to Palmer's computer and then Brother Palmer comes in (tense moment). They find an encrypted file that looks a page of Palmer's memoirs. Then Edgar and the new guy find out where Chole is (because they both LOOOOVE her) and then the idiots at CTU are like, "Oh Jack must be holding her against her will...." AND IF THEY LOOKED AT THEIR HISTORY THEY'D UNDERSTAND THAT SHE WOULD HELP HIM SINCE SHE TRUSTS BAUER ONLY AND GOES TO HIM FOR EVERYTHING. Christ, the people in power can be soooo stupid.

UPDATE: Is there anything Jack can't do? First he knocks out some FBI guys as he runs downstairs to escape. Then he gets Chloe to diverge an escape as he hops in a nice-looking car and drives off. Oh, Psycho First Lady realizes her husband doesn't believe her because he's President Idiot. Then the terrorists are up to something, which will be going down as planned in 20 minutes....

UPDATE: Jack's on his way to the airport and CTU questions the newly arrested Chloe about Jack but she doesn't tell them anything because she's smart AND LOYAL TO JACK, which those fools don't seem to realize. Except for Audrey, but of course they're not listening to Audrey. And now this Russian guy is landing and he's probably a target for something but President Idiot won't reschedule some meeting or even let the Russians land SOMEWHERE ELSE. And Psycho First Lady may have been wrong about a phone call from Palmer, but I don't know if that's true yet. OH, and Allstate commericals don't work when they're played during 24.

UPDATE: Holy fuck, holy holy fuck. So Jack dumps Suspicious Teen with his mom and goes to talk to this lead he found on Palmer's computer. His new girlfriend is SUPPOSED TO go to CTU but then Suspicious Teen runs inside after the terrorists run inside with their guns and blow up their van. Jack finds his lead who gets himself with cyanide before anything can happen. The terrorist take over in that old-timey fashion, about to issue their demands to President Idiot, who has met up with the Russian President and they are happy. BUT his right-hand man is ACTUALLY WORKING FOR THE TERRORISTS and he ALTERED THE PHONE CALL that Palmer gave to Psycho First Lady and THE RIGHT-HAND MAN IS WORKING FOR THE TERRORISTS!! Holy holy holy fuck.

Here's Barry's:

UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??

UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That's exactly how I would handle it.


UPDATE: Chloe's going to get Jack a schematic.

UPDATE: "Jack would never murder his friends."

UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.

UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.

UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)

UPDATE: Jack's girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.

UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents' transponders. She is some woman!

UPDATE: "Relax. He's really good at this."

UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.

UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.

UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.

UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe's logged in remotely! With an external socket!

UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!

UPDATE: I don't like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.

UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.

UPDATE: There's, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.

UPDATE: The girlfriend's on the 210 at the 10.

UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.

UPDATE: Jack really does care.

UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady's mind, such as it is.

UPDATE: Edgar says there's chatter! They're sourcing it! The reliability's approaching 95 percent!

UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.

UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.

UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.

UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE'S IN ON IT!

UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.

OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We'll recap tomorrow. You'll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.

[Pulpmariachi]

Hour Three: SPOILERS

UPDATE: So the terrorists have taken over and Jack has to go Die Hard. He hides in the vents and makes contact with CTU who are like, "Get out of there Jack" and he's like "The hell with you." So CTU has no choice but to comply. Chloe comes in but proves she's actually worth a damn with the computer and CTU realizes that can't do anything without her. President Idiot gets news of the airport takeover and the terrorists issue their demands, which really angers President Idiot because they want him to refute something he's been working on for six bazillion months with the Russians or something. And then Jack finds out Suspicious Teen is in the airport and swears to his new girlfriend he'll get him to her. He didn't say living or deceased....

UPDATE: CTU is able to get ahold of the terrorists (thanks to Chloe) and they tell ask them for something alternative to finish this. And they get pissed and off this one guy. Still angry they grab the Suspicious Teen and are threatening to off him in 15 minutes time. And Jack's telling CTU to hurry up but they have the response time of snails.

UPDATE: Jack's found out something about the frequencies of the terrorists bombs but I don't have any idea what it is. Chloe is on it though with her new boyfriend. Psycho First Lady has broken out and intercepted (in a zany fashion) the keycard to get into this room by this communications guy. But in less than five minutes Suspicious Teen may or may not die. There's really no way to tell with this show.

UPDATE: Chloe was able to intercept the frequenies and Jack had one of the other terrorists bomb vests go off. The terrorists all think it was a faulty vest and Suspicious Teen is okay for the time being. BUT CTU STILL IS TAKING 10 MINUTES TO GO INSIDE!!! And CTU told President Idiot Jack is in the building and President Idiot freaked and the mole in the Presidency was like, "Oh shit...." THAT'S RIGHT BITCH, YOU KNOW JACK CAN DO ANYTHING!!!

UPDATE: CTU finally gets a move-in on there. Jack's giving them up-to-the minute updates, until the Presidential Mole tells them that Bauer is there, so they use Suspicious Teen to lure him out (which he does) but CTU ABORTS THE MISSION like the idiots they are. And Psycho First Lady has found some info....

Here's Barry's thing:

OK, here's where we stand:

1. Mean-looking actors with some kind of vaguely Russian accents have taken over the airport in Ontario, a city in -- of all places -- Southern California.

2. I am at a book-signing on Long Island, which is nowhere near the Ontario airport, although it might be easier to get here from there than from Manhattan.

3. Fortunately, Jack Bauer IS at the airport, along with his New Girlfriend and her Surly Teenage Son, who is looking more like Chloe with every passing minute.

4. Also conveniently in the area are President Manilow, with his unstable cleavage-flaunting wife, who Knows Something but everybody thinks she's crazy but she's not, though she is definitely a few forks shy of a fondue set. What nobody knows except us viewers is that the president's weasel assistant is WORKING WITH THE TERRORISTS.

So the situation is this: At any moment, the terrorists could blow up the Ontario airport, thus putting many many extras out of work and possibly making traffic in Southern California even worse than it already is. Will Jack be able to stop them? There's only one of Jack, and a whole bunch of terrorists, so I figure they're dead meat.

But as I say, I won't be watching, unless there's a TV on at the bookstore. I'll be relying on you folks to provide commentary and analysis. I will need to know: What happened? Did Jack shoot anybody in the thigh, which he has so far failed to do for TWO WHOLE HOURS? Is this terrorist-airport thing just a ploy, hiding Something Much Bigger? Speaking of which, is Edgar going to cut down on the carbs? Because he is not looking good.

I will check back here when I can. Good luck to you all. For now, I am signing off, from a Flank Two position.

[Pulpmariachi]

Hour Four: SPOILERS

UPDATE: Jack has given himself up and now he's being used by the terrorists to make the CTU attack team (who backed off) fall into a trap. Meanwhile, at CTU, Sam Gamgee, I mean, Sean Astin, I mean, Sam Gamgee has shown up and is a total prick. As all guys from division are.

UPDATE: Presidential Mole is onto Psycho First Lady and Psycho First Lady's handmaid has given him IMPORTANT INFORMATION. Suspicious Teen is feeling guilty but Jack is optimisitic. President Idiot is about to sign this treaty with the Russians and time is ticking down while Sam Gamgee is being a prick.

UPDATE: The signing is about to go down...the terrorists are preparing to take out CTU. Sam Gamgee may be a prick but he's figured out somethings up. And then one of the hostages is actually a terrorist, he's probably loaded with explosives to blow the hostages to kingdom come. AND JACK IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING. This is a guy who died, came back to life, and took out a helicopter, so....

UPDATE: Sam was able to figure out Jack was giving them a secret message and CTU finally burst in and popped off the terrorists. Jack got free and started shooting people in the head and saved everyone. The document was signed but Presidential Mole isn't happy. Jack is surveying the hostages but can't find the phone who was working with the terrorists. Oh and the main terrorist working guy blew himself up.

UPDATE: Sam saved Jack just so he could bring him in for questioning. Suspicious Teen was reunited with his Mom and CTU is looking for the Man with the Yellow Tie, who has gone SOMEWHERE ELSE in the airport and has some suspicious canistors which they must use gas masks to remove....

SCENES FROM NEXT WEEK'S EPISODES ARE COMING UP!!!

No Barry thing this time. He's at a book signing.

[Phoenix]

Woo hoo! I've been watching too Pulp. Since you sum everything up I will only say that I've enjoyed the 4 hours so far.

[Pulpmariachi]

It seems we're the only people who watch this show, Phoenix. Oh well. It's still great.

Hour Five: SPOILERS and MORE CURSING

UPDATE: Jack is on his way to CTU in custody. Curtis and his team have found the hostage who was actually a terrorist and went to this hangar where they already fled from. Curtis notices a bunch of dead critters all over the hanger and is like, "WTF mate?" They also found the holders for the canisters. The terrorists have made their van into a SWAT van, hoorah. And then President Idiot is still not believing Psycho First Lady while the Presidential Mole is decieveing everybody and trying to get Psycho First Lady into a mental institution.

UPDATE: CTU has a mole, and it's Chole's fucking boyfriend!!! HOLY SHIT!! Actually I saw it coming when he secretly checked out something on his palm pilot. Edgar is all jealous and wants to know Chole's secrets over tea. Oh yeah and the terrorists have nerve gas.

UPDATE: Jack is brought to CTU and everyone bows down to him (Bauer=bow, get it?), he's granted clearence (level 2) because Prick Sam believes him about being framed. Meanwhile the new girlfriend and Audrey talk about Jack before Jack and Audrey are reunited where tears and apologies are exchanged. Chole finds Speser has given himself Level 5 clearence from his Level 3 and Spenser brings in another terrorist who puts together a gun....

UPDATE: Chole calls in her new boyfriend and they confront him about his secruity breaching (it's been the fastest "flush out" of a mole ever, even though they don't exactly know he's a mole). Meanwhile Psycho First Lady has found out that President Idiot and the Presidential Mole want to send her away, so she decieves her handmaiden and slips out, much to the dismay of the Presidential Mole, who since Bauer showed up, is getting pissed.

UPDATE: The new guy who snuck in tries to kill Jack but YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT and Jack takes him out. Spenser is being interragated but they're getting nothing...until Jack comes in and the guy wets himself in fear as they find out about the Presidential Mole.

Tonight's episode was pretty much filler, after that four hour adrenaline rush that was the first four hours. But the ending was definitly kick-ass (as it usually is, 53 minutes of exposition and 7 minutes of action).

Can't wait for next week.