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Post by ZapRowsdower on Jan 27, 2005 4:53:08 GMT -5
What is this? It's something I came up with. Think the Razzies without a political agenda. Results will be announced sometime next week.
WORST PICTURE
Open Water
Raise Your Voice
Torque
Van Helsing
You Got Served
WORST ACTOR
Vin Diesel for Chronicles of Riddick, The
Cary Elwes for Saw
Omarion Grandberry for You Got Served
Oliver James for Raise Your Voice
Daniel Travis for Open Water
WORST ACTRESS
Kate Beckinsale for Van Helsing
Hilary Duff for Raise Your Voice
Ashley Judd for Twisted
Sanaa Lathan for AVP: Alien Vs. Predator
Blanchard Ryan for Open Water
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Benjamin Bratt for Catwoman
J-Boog for You Got Served
Lil' Fizz for You Got Served
Raz B for You Got Served
Richard Roxburgh for Van Helsing
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Elena Anaya for Van Helsing
Silvia Colloca for Van Helsing
Josie Maran for Van Helsing
Monet Mazur for Torque
Sharon Stone for Catwoman
WORST DIRECTION
Paul W.S. Anderson for AVP: Alien Vs. Predator
Joseph Kahn for Torque
Pitof for Catwoman
Chris Stokes for You Got Served
Stephen Sommers for Van Helsing
WORST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Matt Johnson -- Torque
Chris Kentis -- Open Water
Sam Schrieber -- Raise Your Voice
Chris Stokes -- You Got Served
Keenen Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andrew McElfrish, Michael Anthony Snowden, and Xavier Cook -- White Chicks
WORST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Paul W.S. Anderson -- AVP: Alien Vs. Predator and Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Jon Bokenkamp -- Taking Lives
John D. Brancato, Michael Ferris, and John Rogers -- Catwoman
Stephen Sommers -- Van Helsing
Stephen Susco -- Grudge, The
WORST ORIGINAL SONG
Just about any song in You Got Served
That shitty spice-girlsish song that plays in Catwoman.
The song Kenan Thompson sings in Fat Albert.
The Soul Plane theme song
"White Girls", a shitty play on the classic "White Lines", as seen in the movie, White Chicks.
BIGGEST WASTE OF TALENT
Halle Berry in Catwoman
Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing
Samuel L. Jackson in Twisted
Angelina Jolie in Taking Lives
The entire cast of Envy
ASSHAT OF THE YEAR
Paul W.S. Anderson, for simultaneously shitting on both the Alien and Predator franchises with AVP: Alien Vs. Predator
Michael Moore, for spreading propaganda with Fahrenheit 9/11
Stephen Sommers, only you could fuck up an idea as good as Van Helsing
Chris Stokes, infamous director of House Party 4, and now, You Got Served. Batting 100, aren't you?
Peter Travers, or any other critic who made me want to see Open Water.
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Post by Termination on Jan 27, 2005 5:48:14 GMT -5
Woa Nelly, you got some real gems on that list.  Van Helsing No entertainment value there at all? I mean not even for 49 cents. Seriously, if someone came up to you on the street with a brand new copy of Van Helsing - Widescreen & asked if you'd buy it for 2 quarters, you'd turn the offer down flat? I am not directing this question to you alone Smitty, I am directing this question to everyone? |
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Post by ZapRowsdower on Jan 27, 2005 13:55:40 GMT -5
Actually, in all irony, I own that movie on DVD.
My friend gave it to me for my birthday as a joke, and it still sits in my DVD collection, between UHF and Who Framed Roger Rabbit
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Post by Heineken Skywalker on Jan 27, 2005 14:13:00 GMT -5
Woa Nelly, you got some real gems on that list. Van Helsing No entertainment value there at all? I mean not even for 49 cents. Seriously, if someone came up to you on the street with a brand new copy of Van Helsing - Widescreen & asked if you'd buy it for 2 quarters, you'd turn the offer down flat? I am not directing this question to you alone Smitty, I am directing this question to everyone? Well, I already gave them $18 the first time for tickets for my wife and I, so why would I give another $0.50? Now, if someone was giving away FREE brand new copies, I would probably take one. I'm sure I could get a couple of bucks on Ebay for it. Smitty, are we supposed to pm you our choices? |
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Post by ZapRowsdower on Jan 27, 2005 14:31:04 GMT -5
Smitty, are we supposed to pm you our choices? Nah, this isn't a poll. Just one guy's opinion. One guy who the Razzies pissed off one too many times. ;D Once my website goes back up, this will be one of its features. |
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Post by Bartwald on Jan 27, 2005 14:40:43 GMT -5
Many of these movies I haven't seen but from what I have I would not agree with most nominations for Van Helsing and Open Water. You know me, right?  And Term - remember that Van Helsing featured in our first ever Controversial Movies Poll; let me just say: I was not the only one defending it! |
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Post by Heineken Skywalker on Jan 27, 2005 14:53:05 GMT -5
Nah, this isn't a poll. Just one guy's opinion. One guy who the Razzies pissed off one too many times. ;D Okay, cause honestly, I missed most of these gems. Intentionally. Most of these movies you could smell coming a mile away. |
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Post by Phoenix on Jan 27, 2005 19:27:25 GMT -5
Cary Elwes for Saw!
Please pick him!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I'm very glad I didn't see 'Raise your Voice'
And even though I saw Catwoman for free, I'm still angered I spent the gas to go the theater for it.
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Post by ZapRowsdower on Feb 2, 2005 0:00:44 GMT -5
Here are your Golden Asshats for the year 2004.
WORST PICTURE
You Got Served - You were probably expecting this to go to Open Water or Van Helsing, but as I said before, I had no political agenda behind this. You Got Served, the one movie in the list I was fortunate enough NOT to see. Why did I pick it then? I work at a movie theater, and part of my job involves entering each theater to check the exits. This was the only movie thus far where having to walk in while the movie was in progress was UTTER TORTURE. I haven't seen it in its entirety, but I've seen enough.
Other nominees:
Open Water
Raise Your Voice
Torque
Van Helsing
WORST ACTOR
Cary Elwes for Saw - Don't get me wrong. I loved Saw. And as an actor, Cary Elwes has been decent in the past. But Saw and Cary Elwes were NOT a good mix. Probably the worst delivery I had seen all year long, and being an actually good actor doing this horribly makes him even more of an asshat.
Other nominees:
Vin Diesel for Chronicles of Riddick, The
Omarion Grandberry for You Got Served
Oliver James for Raise Your Voice
Daniel Travis for Open Water
WORST ACTRESS
Hilary Duff for Raise Your Voice - Sorry, Hilary. You didn't convince me you could sing. You also failed to convince me you could lipsync.
Kate Beckinsale for Van Helsing
Ashley Judd for Twisted
Sanaa Lathan for AVP: Alien Vs. Predator
Blanchard Ryan for Open Water
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
3-way tie
J-Boog for You Got Served
Lil' Fizz for You Got Served
Raz B for You Got Served - Or 1-way win for B2K. Either way, all three of them are major asshats, and I'm not about to go through the trouble of distinguishing one from the other.
Other nominess:
Benjamin Bratt for Catwoman
Richard Roxburgh for Van Helsing
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Elena Anaya for Van Helsing - The other two brides were really bad, too, but this one was easier to pick as I had actually seen Van Helsing. While they were all equally bad, she gets the award because she was in the movie the longest.
Other nominees:
Silvia Colloca for Van Helsing
Josie Maran for Van Helsing
Monet Mazur for Torque
Sharon Stone for Catwoman
WORST DIRECTION
Pitof for Catwoman - CGI city, CGI cats, CGI PEOPLE. Not everything has to be done with a freakin' computer. And oh, yeah. One of Catwoman's stunt doubles was a MAN. You asshole.
Other nominees:
Paul W.S. Anderson for AVP: Alien Vs. Predator
Joseph Kahn for Torque
Chris Stokes for You Got Served
Stephen Sommers for Van Helsing
WORST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Chris Stokes -- You Got Served - Do I really have to explain why? Just look at the TITLE! Here are some classic lines from this 'gem' of a movie:
"You're just mad...'cause tonight you suckas got served!"
"Your boy is really tripping."
"Liyah go home and stop acting like a ho!"
"DJ, drop it like it's hot!"
"Who are you blowing your horn at?! We're ladies! You were supposed to say, 'Excuse me miss'."
'Nuff said.
Other nominees:
Matt Johnson -- Torque
Chris Kentis -- Open Water
Sam Schrieber -- Raise Your Voice
Keenen Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andrew McElfrish, Michael Anthony Snowden, and Xavier Cook -- White Chicks
WORST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
John D. Brancato, Michael Ferris, and John Rogers -- Catwoman - Way to fuck up a comic book icon. The villain alone was enough for the movie to earn this award. And what's with all the bad puns? And why is Halle Berry's character constantly hinting her detective friend to the fact she's Catwoman? And WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE PICK UP ON IT?
Other nominees:
Paul W.S. Anderson -- AVP: Alien Vs. Predator and Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Jon Bokenkamp -- Taking Lives
Stephen Sommers -- Van Helsing
Stephen Susco -- Grudge, The
WORST ORIGINAL SONG
"White Girls", a shitty play on the classic "White Lines", as seen in the movie, White Chicks. - Whoever was behind this one forgot the cardinal rule of original songwriting: NEVER EVER TAKE A CLASSIC OF HIP HOP AND CHANGE THE LYRICS AROUND TO THEN HAVE IT SUNG BY A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO SOUND LIKE THEY HAVE DOWNS SYNDROME. That is all.
Just about any song in You Got Served
That shitty spice-girlsish song that plays in Catwoman.
The song Kenan Thompson sings in Fat Albert.
The Soul Plane theme song
BIGGEST WASTE OF TALENT
Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing - The main reason I went to see Van Helsing was to see Hugh Jackman's talents used in what could be one of the coolest movies of the year. Except they didn't use his talent. They instead allowed him to be upstaged by the comic relief David Wenham (and considering he played Faramir, his talents were also wasted on this movie).
Other nominees:
Halle Berry in Catwoman
Samuel L. Jackson in Twisted
Angelina Jolie in Taking Lives
The entire cast of Envy
ASSHAT OF THE YEAR
Michael Moore, for spreading propaganda with Fahrenheit 9/11 - First, allow me to explain myself before I am castrated by liberals. I am NOT conservative, I am a centrist. The way Moore portrayed the president was extremely misleading, but I am not handing him this award for hating on Bush. No, the way he portrayed our military and used it to push his agenda was absolutely evil, especially since he threw in some interviews he didn't even conduct. It was a ballsy move, and in most cases I'd respect it. But some lines shouldn't be crossed. You want to make a Bush-bashing movie, fine. I'll watch it and if done well, maybe I'll enjoy it. But you gotta at least respect our troops, and secure their permission before you take what they said out of context and put it in your movie. A LIBERAL PRESIDENT in 2008. John Kerry, please do not apply.
Other nominees:
Paul W.S. Anderson, for simultaneously shitting on both the Alien and Predator franchises with AVP: Alien Vs. Predator
Stephen Sommers, only you could fuck up an idea as good as Van Helsing
Chris Stokes, infamous director of House Party 4, and now, You Got Served. Batting 100, aren't you?
Peter Travers, or any other critic who made me want to see Open Water.
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Post by Termination on Feb 2, 2005 4:33:40 GMT -5
After watching Bowling For Columbine, I'm amazed that any American would like Michael Moore. I've seen Fahrenheit 9/11 & like how Moore edits his footage for dramatic purposes. Thats all I have to say about Moore.
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Post by Phoenix on Feb 2, 2005 16:24:37 GMT -5
I thoroughly enjoyed your ASSHAT awards Smitty.
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Post by ZapRowsdower on Feb 2, 2005 18:30:55 GMT -5
i'm thinking of doing a Best-of from my opinion as well. It only seems fair, since I did a Worst-of, and I do have opinions on the best.
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