Post by ZapRowsdower on Mar 13, 2006 19:58:53 GMT -5
Ultraviolet
A few people I know really wanted to see this movie. And I watched the trailer. It looked more appetizing to me than, say, Aeon Flux, so my friends and I went to check it out.
My GOD that movie was terrible. I never thought I'd say this, but Uwe Boll now has some competition. I can't believe I'm saying that about the guy who wrote and directed Equilibrium, but it's true. Here's the breakdown:
The mythology behind this film would have been great -- except it's been done. It's a hybrid ripoff of Equilibrium and Blade Runner. Basically, the government created this bacteria that would make superhumans, but it got out of hand and became a highly pathogenic virus that turned people into vampire-like creatures. So the government calls for the execution of all infected. Milla Jovovich is one of the infected, fighting for her own survival. Sounds alright so far, right?
Let's start at the less important stuff, shall we? Visuals. The cinematography bothered me. Mainly because everything LOOKS like it was made in a computer. All the action sequences. Backgrounds. Everything. There's a scene where she's outrunning the police on a motorcycle, somehow rides on the side of a building (she has a gravity-defying device on it), ends up at the top, rides up a ramp, through a police helicopter (shooting directly at her in the process yet somehow missing), kills everyone inside, comes out the other side of the helicopter - which inexplicably blows up. She goes through the window of an office building -- the office inside looks suspiciously just like the one in the Matrix (you know, the one Morpheus jumps into a helicopter from), and escapes. Sound ridiculous enough for you? Wait. There's more.
The bad guys seem to have armor made of glass. Because she would merely hit them, and their armor would shatter. And there's not that much blood, either. I know, it's a PG-13 movie, but even so- A Kill Bill-type scene where Milla Jovovich is slicing bad guys up with her sword. The bad guys are in white suits. There is no blood. Not on the suits, not even on her sword. Even though she just sliced through a whole bunch of 'em.
The climactic final battle. Lights go out. Bad guy can see in the dark, she can't. Somehow, her sword lights on fire. We don't know how.
And the writing is pretty bad. If someone doubted Milla Jovovich's ability to do something impossible, her response was always the same: "Watch me." It was cool the first time it was used. Each consecutive time, it became a joke.
The whole movie was a joke. Kurt Wimmer is gonna have to work hard to make up for this mistake. Equilibrium is not enough to cancel this out. This is the stuff that was built for MST3K, and sorry to say, there was more unintentional humor in this thing than BloodRayne. Can I hear someone say "ouch"?
Story: - 3/10
Acting: - 3/10
Screenwriting: - 1/20
Direction: 1/20
13% - If you're into unintentional humor, this one's for you.
A few people I know really wanted to see this movie. And I watched the trailer. It looked more appetizing to me than, say, Aeon Flux, so my friends and I went to check it out.
My GOD that movie was terrible. I never thought I'd say this, but Uwe Boll now has some competition. I can't believe I'm saying that about the guy who wrote and directed Equilibrium, but it's true. Here's the breakdown:
The mythology behind this film would have been great -- except it's been done. It's a hybrid ripoff of Equilibrium and Blade Runner. Basically, the government created this bacteria that would make superhumans, but it got out of hand and became a highly pathogenic virus that turned people into vampire-like creatures. So the government calls for the execution of all infected. Milla Jovovich is one of the infected, fighting for her own survival. Sounds alright so far, right?
Let's start at the less important stuff, shall we? Visuals. The cinematography bothered me. Mainly because everything LOOKS like it was made in a computer. All the action sequences. Backgrounds. Everything. There's a scene where she's outrunning the police on a motorcycle, somehow rides on the side of a building (she has a gravity-defying device on it), ends up at the top, rides up a ramp, through a police helicopter (shooting directly at her in the process yet somehow missing), kills everyone inside, comes out the other side of the helicopter - which inexplicably blows up. She goes through the window of an office building -- the office inside looks suspiciously just like the one in the Matrix (you know, the one Morpheus jumps into a helicopter from), and escapes. Sound ridiculous enough for you? Wait. There's more.
The bad guys seem to have armor made of glass. Because she would merely hit them, and their armor would shatter. And there's not that much blood, either. I know, it's a PG-13 movie, but even so- A Kill Bill-type scene where Milla Jovovich is slicing bad guys up with her sword. The bad guys are in white suits. There is no blood. Not on the suits, not even on her sword. Even though she just sliced through a whole bunch of 'em.
The climactic final battle. Lights go out. Bad guy can see in the dark, she can't. Somehow, her sword lights on fire. We don't know how.
And the writing is pretty bad. If someone doubted Milla Jovovich's ability to do something impossible, her response was always the same: "Watch me." It was cool the first time it was used. Each consecutive time, it became a joke.
The whole movie was a joke. Kurt Wimmer is gonna have to work hard to make up for this mistake. Equilibrium is not enough to cancel this out. This is the stuff that was built for MST3K, and sorry to say, there was more unintentional humor in this thing than BloodRayne. Can I hear someone say "ouch"?
Story: - 3/10
Acting: - 3/10
Screenwriting: - 1/20
Direction: 1/20
13% - If you're into unintentional humor, this one's for you.
