Quickshot V: Trick/Treat, Troll 2, S. P. Massacre

[Quorthon]

Quickshot Collection V: Trick or Treat, Troll 2, Slumber Party Massacre


Trick or Treat
1986
R

This zany romp of a film revolves around the 80's culture of Heavy Metal and horror movies--two things which I love dearly. So, as you can imagine, this movie appealed to me pretty easily. Plus, for no apparent reason, Ozzy Osbourne plays a preacher.

This film is about an unpopular high school youth who, like all us losers, ended up drenched in a world of "evil" Heavy Metal. His favorite Metaldude dies and, of course, is miraculously resurrected--by playing his latest unreleased album backwards. This allows the corspified singer to go around killing people with demons and shit helping out.

Okay, it's pretty cheesy at times, but you know what? It's got a surprising number of good qualities. Decent acting (including Gene Simmons as a radio DJ), pretty good special effects, very brief nudity, decent atmosphere... All in all, it's actually a decent horror film. But what really sucks is the music. Ironic, huh? Well, this "uber-evil" Metal guy is one of the most obnoxious, high-pitched, wailing, Motley Crue rejects on the planet--and the "Metal" is little more than putrid 80's Pop/Hair Metal. He hits all the cliche's here, from prancing around like a gay fairy, to looking mean, to screaming "Rock and Roll!!!" in a pitch high enough to make King Diamond retch. Aside from that atrocious musical representation, it's actually pretty good. 7/10


Troll 2
1990
PG-13

This film is rated as one of the worst movies ever made on IMDb.com, and you know what? It got that rating for a damn good reason. ***SOME SPOILERS IN THIS ONE, BUT THEY WON'T HURT THIS FILM***

The movie follows a family that, for no apparent reason, is just "switching homes" with some hicks in some podunk town called "Nilbog" for a vacation. If that concept isn't weird enough, don't worry, the movie will quickly outshine that wet spot. Well, the town is infested with--you guessed it--goblins. What's that? You guessed trolls? Ha ha, sorry sucker, this movie is titled wrong--probably just to throw you off!! In fact, as the horrible little boy in the movie suffers the line, "Nil-bog isss Gob-lin... back-waa-ards!!" you begin to realize this the movie has a wealth of increasing crappiness yet to vomit your way. The goblins are immensly laughable, if not downright pathetic--they're midgets (oh, I'm sorry, not-tall people) dressed in what appear to be fire-damaged carpet with masks apparently crafted by the artful hands of Helen Keller. One of them has eyes the size of golf balls--and they never blink! On top of it, the "goblins" are vetarians, so of course, in order to eat the visiting humans (in case you haven't guessed, the whole town is goblin-infested, like in "The Howling," but crappy), they--get ready--turn them into vegetables of some sort. The acting is gut-wrenchingly bad--the worst is the woman playing the Mom in the family, there is no atmosphere--it takes place under the terror of daylight, and well, there is but one entertaining thing in the whole movie: That classic scene where, haunted by the ghost of grandpa, the little boy pisses all over the family's dinner to prevent them from eating food that would vegetate them into Goblin-meal. No kidding. 1/10


Slumber Party Massacre
1982
R

Oh classic slashers! Where would we be without them? And hey, it don't get more classy than this!

If you read the title, you know what you're getting with this. Sexy women being butchered by a madman. With a great big drill. Hey, for what it's worth, it's not that bad. I've also seen Slumber Party Massacre III, and let me tell yah, that is some purile shit right there. This one, on the other hand, at least has being the first movie in that series on it's side. So it feels at least a little refreshing. It has decent atmosphere and story--from the early to mid 80's when slashers were in their prime of course. But we're really watching this for nudity and slayings. Which we get, the film's not too shy. The nudity and gore are pretty average and nothing all too special. The driller killer? Just an escaped lunatic with a big-assed drill. He doesn't wear a mask, just a grimace. Some decent tension and a pretty good climax (ha ha) prevent the film from failing--though, the story and setting are really damn average. Worth a gander for horror and especially, slasher fans. 5/10

[slayrrr666]

SPM for me too, Q. Actually one of my favorite of the "forgotten slashers" yore. Nice gore, adequate nudity, original deaths and full of some nice surprises. I liked it a lot.

Trick or Treat would be okay if they recast the film, changed the plot, direction, camera angles and maybe the crew. Oh, look at that: that would mean it would be a different film altogether. One of the reasons why Heavy Metal only supports horror in soundtracks only. Really didn't think too much of the atmosphere, I was snickering at it too much. Wish they would do horror and metal good one of these days.

Troll: Less said, the better. To long a review, Q.

[Quorthon]

Too long a review? For Troll 2? Naaahhh... That's a hard one to review. The review should be short because the movie is wildly crappy, but there's so much to complain about that it almost needs a long review. I compromised and just made some quick bitching.

[Heineken Skywalker]

TRICK OR TREAT gets my vote by default. I haven't seen the other two. But yeah, it's pretty lame.
Their first mistake was casting "Skippy" from 80's sitcom FAMILY TIES as the metalhead teen. I saw this in a theater when it was new and as soon as he came on screen, my buddies and I all shouted, "Hey, it's Skippy!". We were fans of metal/hard rock so we went because here was a flick that revolved our crowd, our scene and our music, Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne were in it, so how bad could it be? Turns out, pretty bad.
I remember some behind the scenes report on Entertainment Tonight or something back then, and the "actor" who played the dead rock star was actually a dancer or something, hence all the prancing about. His music and vocals were provided by 80's hard rock band, Fastway, who actually had one big 80's hit with "Say What You Will."
As a side note: I will say that Gene Simmons wasn't too bad an actor and doesn't embarrass himself as the Wolfman Jack-like DJ. He actually appeared in several movie in the 80's. He was the scientist/villain in the Tom Selleck sci-fi action flick, RUNAWAY. And he was also the terrorist in the Rutger Hauer flick, DEAD OR ALIVE. I don't really recommend either, but Gene wasn't bad.

[Quorthon]

The filmmakers originally wanted Gene Simmons to be the dead rock star dude and he flatly refused.

It's a cheesy film, but higher quality than to be expected.

[Heineken Skywalker]

quorthon said:

The filmmakers originally wanted Gene Simmons to be the dead rock star dude and he flatly refused.

It's a cheesy film, but higher quality than to be expected.

Yeah, and I don't blame him. I remember reading where he said something like, "Why would I play that part? I already live that everyday." And he's right. Where would be the opportunity for him to stretch as an actor?
As for the film, cheesey, but fun at the time. Don't know that I could sit through it now. But I guess that's part of getting older and tastes maturing.