Post by 42ndstreetfreak on Dec 8, 2005 21:05:55 GMT -5
Chinese Torture Chamber Story #1 (1995)
Dir: Bosco Lam.
Nothing prepared me for this!
Basic plot stuff:
'Little Cabbage' goes to work/stay with a scholar and his Wife after her Parents are killed.
The scholar falls for her and wants to marry 'Little Cabbage' and make her his Concubine...Wifey is not well pleased.
'Lil Cabbage' says she has to wait a year to mourn her Parents, scholar agrees and goes off.
While he is away 'Cabbage' (don't blame me, I didn't name her!) spots Wifey doing the nasty with her secret lover, who just happens to be the local Judges Son.
Wifey, to get rid of her, marries 'Cabbage' off to a kindly local man who has a penis so big, no Woman will go near it!
Next the Wife and lover poison 'Cabbage's' new Husband by feeding him a stimulant that makes his penis explode!
'Lil Cabbage' is blamed (along with the scholar, as Wifey accuses them of being lovers) for his murder and they are tortured into confession...
HK films have always mixed humour and extreme images and here we have a classic example!
Full on comedy scenes, complete with funny music sit next to nasty torture sequences, rough sex and fantasy.
The comedy maybe, at times, laugh out loud funny in it's bizarre, unique HK way, but the actual plot is actually quite tragic and nasty.
But enough plot...Let's have a look at the crazy goodies!!
Tortures include: A nasty finger squasher with metal teeth, finger nail pulling, sticks under the nails, suffocation by wet paper draped over the face, rolling naked over a bed of pins, butt paddling, being made to crawl over broken pottery, hung up by the thumbs and hair, whipping, breast squashing, leg squashing and being screwed to death by a huge dildo on the back of a wooden donkey!
The credits sequence has a Man castrated (we see his genitals plop into a bowl!!) and has the back of his head cut, and salted water poured into the wound...the man LITERALLY jumps *OUT* of his skin!
But these are the normal things in the film.
Check out this craziness:
We are shown how big the Husbands penis is by him sticking it out of the bottom of his trousers to take a piss!
There is a pretty touching scene where 'Cabbage' masturbates the Husband to the strains of a Chinese music version of 'Unchained melody' (!) and when he cums it shoots across the room in a great jet!
A sex scene where the scheming Wife pleasures herself with bells stuck over her nipples, fluffy panties and a HUGE dildo with fuzzy rings on it!
The scholar, while in the forest, runs into a Man and a Woman flying through the air fighting each other with various Kung Fu techniques.
It turns out they are Husband and Wife.
Suddenly their clothes fly off and they commence Sexual Kung Fu!
The Woman leaps at the man and wraps her legs around his head...gazing into her vagina he utters the stance "Invincible Mouth" and proceeds to lick her! She shoots off again and flies at him so she is upside down in front of him...her vagina by his mouth his penis by hers...she sucks him as he shouts out "Oral Attack"!!
Then his penis grows and she flies onto it and they proceed to have speeded up sex (to a funked up version of the "Once Upon A Time in China" Theme and comic 'humping' noises) while flying through the trees, and bouncing off tree trunks!!
And when he cums? Well, it's like a hose pipe turned up to the max!
This whole section is a sight to behold and makes you realise why we love HK Cinema so much! I can't remember the last timeI laughed out loud so much!
Another crazy scene has an invisible rapist attempt to attack 'Cabbage' but her Husband STICKS HIS FACE IN THE WAY JUST AS THE RAPIST RAMS HIS PENIS FORWARD...the sight of the poor Husband drooling cum with a sick dog look on his face sure isn't classy, but it's damn funny!
And as for the exploding penis!? A gusher of blood that looks like its come from "The Evil Dead" that's what!
This exploding penis sequence is a classic example of the schizo nature of the film. Seeing her Husband's penis is going to explode, she attempts to save him (with old 'Unchained Melody' playing again) by having sex with him - knowing his sheer size will kill her - but she can't take him in. So in desperation she masturbates him to relieve the pressure...but it's too late.
Now this reads as absolutely bizarre and hysterical...but it's a desperate Wife trying to save her caring Husband (she may not love him, but she still cares for him) as he is dying in front of her....
It's just this crazy, completely unique HK way of doing it.
It messes with your normal perceptions of what a movie should be like!
We sadly have some awful subtitles that add to the humour, but also cheapen the film.
During one full on sex sequence the Woman utters the lust, pleasure filled sentence..."I am so...comfortable"
The nasty scenes are also nastier because of the humour. After laughing out loud you are faced with a scene like the one where 'cabbage' is 'deflowered' by a big woman with a dildo. It's a nasty, cruel, sad sequence. And to have a scene like that in a film that also has wacky comedy tunes and sex while flying through the trees, is probably why HK films have a hard time being accepted by the wider audience.
CRAZY, UNIQUE, OUTRAGEOUS....Check it out!
Dir: Bosco Lam.
Nothing prepared me for this!
Basic plot stuff:
'Little Cabbage' goes to work/stay with a scholar and his Wife after her Parents are killed.
The scholar falls for her and wants to marry 'Little Cabbage' and make her his Concubine...Wifey is not well pleased.
'Lil Cabbage' says she has to wait a year to mourn her Parents, scholar agrees and goes off.
While he is away 'Cabbage' (don't blame me, I didn't name her!) spots Wifey doing the nasty with her secret lover, who just happens to be the local Judges Son.
Wifey, to get rid of her, marries 'Cabbage' off to a kindly local man who has a penis so big, no Woman will go near it!
Next the Wife and lover poison 'Cabbage's' new Husband by feeding him a stimulant that makes his penis explode!
'Lil Cabbage' is blamed (along with the scholar, as Wifey accuses them of being lovers) for his murder and they are tortured into confession...
HK films have always mixed humour and extreme images and here we have a classic example!
Full on comedy scenes, complete with funny music sit next to nasty torture sequences, rough sex and fantasy.
The comedy maybe, at times, laugh out loud funny in it's bizarre, unique HK way, but the actual plot is actually quite tragic and nasty.
But enough plot...Let's have a look at the crazy goodies!!
Tortures include: A nasty finger squasher with metal teeth, finger nail pulling, sticks under the nails, suffocation by wet paper draped over the face, rolling naked over a bed of pins, butt paddling, being made to crawl over broken pottery, hung up by the thumbs and hair, whipping, breast squashing, leg squashing and being screwed to death by a huge dildo on the back of a wooden donkey!
The credits sequence has a Man castrated (we see his genitals plop into a bowl!!) and has the back of his head cut, and salted water poured into the wound...the man LITERALLY jumps *OUT* of his skin!
But these are the normal things in the film.
Check out this craziness:
We are shown how big the Husbands penis is by him sticking it out of the bottom of his trousers to take a piss!
There is a pretty touching scene where 'Cabbage' masturbates the Husband to the strains of a Chinese music version of 'Unchained melody' (!) and when he cums it shoots across the room in a great jet!
A sex scene where the scheming Wife pleasures herself with bells stuck over her nipples, fluffy panties and a HUGE dildo with fuzzy rings on it!
The scholar, while in the forest, runs into a Man and a Woman flying through the air fighting each other with various Kung Fu techniques.
It turns out they are Husband and Wife.
Suddenly their clothes fly off and they commence Sexual Kung Fu!
The Woman leaps at the man and wraps her legs around his head...gazing into her vagina he utters the stance "Invincible Mouth" and proceeds to lick her! She shoots off again and flies at him so she is upside down in front of him...her vagina by his mouth his penis by hers...she sucks him as he shouts out "Oral Attack"!!
Then his penis grows and she flies onto it and they proceed to have speeded up sex (to a funked up version of the "Once Upon A Time in China" Theme and comic 'humping' noises) while flying through the trees, and bouncing off tree trunks!!
And when he cums? Well, it's like a hose pipe turned up to the max!
This whole section is a sight to behold and makes you realise why we love HK Cinema so much! I can't remember the last timeI laughed out loud so much!
Another crazy scene has an invisible rapist attempt to attack 'Cabbage' but her Husband STICKS HIS FACE IN THE WAY JUST AS THE RAPIST RAMS HIS PENIS FORWARD...the sight of the poor Husband drooling cum with a sick dog look on his face sure isn't classy, but it's damn funny!
And as for the exploding penis!? A gusher of blood that looks like its come from "The Evil Dead" that's what!
This exploding penis sequence is a classic example of the schizo nature of the film. Seeing her Husband's penis is going to explode, she attempts to save him (with old 'Unchained Melody' playing again) by having sex with him - knowing his sheer size will kill her - but she can't take him in. So in desperation she masturbates him to relieve the pressure...but it's too late.
Now this reads as absolutely bizarre and hysterical...but it's a desperate Wife trying to save her caring Husband (she may not love him, but she still cares for him) as he is dying in front of her....
It's just this crazy, completely unique HK way of doing it.
It messes with your normal perceptions of what a movie should be like!
We sadly have some awful subtitles that add to the humour, but also cheapen the film.
During one full on sex sequence the Woman utters the lust, pleasure filled sentence..."I am so...comfortable"
The nasty scenes are also nastier because of the humour. After laughing out loud you are faced with a scene like the one where 'cabbage' is 'deflowered' by a big woman with a dildo. It's a nasty, cruel, sad sequence. And to have a scene like that in a film that also has wacky comedy tunes and sex while flying through the trees, is probably why HK films have a hard time being accepted by the wider audience.
CRAZY, UNIQUE, OUTRAGEOUS....Check it out!
