Post by Quorthon on Dec 4, 2005 18:49:08 GMT -5
Safe
Drama (reportedly Horror, but trust me--it's not)
1995
COLOR
MPAA Rating: R
Directed by: Todd Haynes
USA
Don't ask me why, but I found this movie listed under the "Horror/Science Fiction" heading on my cable TV's "On Demand" menu. It's really neither. And, kind of a let-down.
Well then, this movie revolves v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y around Julianne Moore as a woman who appears depressed. Then it appears that she's just got some sort of bizarre chemical alergy. As in, she's allergic to everything. Or rather, she's "allergic to the 20th Century." See, this movie takes place in the 80's when, apparently, smog and chemical pollutants were at their most abundant. Or something. Eventually, she ends up on a compound that gives off that "secretive cult" vibe and... well... Okay, that's all that happens. Let get on with this shall we?
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--Well... I would have to say, the story concept of a person allergic to the "20th Century" is kind of a neat idea... but...
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--The acting is average. It's so slow and plodding that, really, there's nothing to it. The characters, for the most part, almost totally lack emotion and feel very distant. The movie is so slow that, at least for me, I couldn't really "get into" them.
--Fairly interesting music--but not enough to help along the pace of this movie.
--Fairly interesting sets, though, somewhat standard 80's yuppie designs.
--Interesting cinematography, extensive use of long shots.
The Bad:
--Very, very, very, very tedious. I mean, this has got to be the slowest movie I've seen... probably ever. I thought Fear X was an obnoxiously dull film. I think this may have topped it. I mean, it was way slower. I found myself losing attention almost constantly and my attention focused to bookselves or the cat or the aquarium in which our lizards live as I tried to pick them out from the giant green plastic plant they have to hide around. You see where I'm getting with this? Those lizards are 10 feet away and 3 inches long--I was more interested in picking them out from that distance than watching this movie.
--Barely any plot at all. Just a monotonous story about a woman going from normal rich people life to eventually ending up in something like the Vegan Commune From Hell. Between the beginning and the end of the movie, almost nothing interesting happens.
--The characters were really dull. Now, if you're going to make a long boring movie where nothing happens, why compound the problem by making some of the slowest, dullest, most insipid characters on the planet?
--The founder of the creepy sick-people compound lives in a huge mansion. Why? Is he crooked? Is he secretely rich? Is he using all these sick people for personal gain? The movie didn't feel like exploring that route, so apparently, that crap doesn't matter.
--Lots of scenes of Julianne Moore doing the following: Looking sad, Looking depressed, Looking placid, Crying, Weeping, or having an "allergic reaction" to chemicals of the 20th Century.
--Nary an entertaining moment in the entire movie. If I sat on an uncomfortable, rusty folding chair ten inches away from a wall, on which paint is drying while I fiercely study it, with someone dumping poisonous snakes and spiders on me, I'd be more entertained than I was with this film. Unless there is a television nearby playing this movie. Then I'd just be aggravated and, quite likely, lose the will to fight for survival against the poisonous hordes of creatures dumped on me.
The Ugly:
--This movie is 2 hours long.
--Unsatisfying ending.
Memorable Scene:
--The opening scene is Julianne Moore looking placid while her husband fucks her. It all went downhill from there.
Acting: 7/10
Story: 2/10
Atmosphere: 3/10
Cinematography: 6/10
Character Development: 3/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 0/10
Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (Just that one sex scene that shows nothing)
Violence/Gore: 0/10
Dialogue: 3/10
Music: 2/10
Direction: 2/10
Cheesiness: 0/10
Crappiness: 8/10
Overall: 2/10
I settled on a 2/10 because, well, I don't give zeros, and this movie had an interesting idea at the very least. But, hell, I just can't recommend it. It's mind-numbingly boring and way too long. Normally, I love two-hour long movies. Or even three hours. So long as the movie doesn't feel that damn long. This felt like it was about 4 hours long.
Drama (reportedly Horror, but trust me--it's not)
1995
COLOR
MPAA Rating: R
Directed by: Todd Haynes
USA
Don't ask me why, but I found this movie listed under the "Horror/Science Fiction" heading on my cable TV's "On Demand" menu. It's really neither. And, kind of a let-down.
Well then, this movie revolves v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y around Julianne Moore as a woman who appears depressed. Then it appears that she's just got some sort of bizarre chemical alergy. As in, she's allergic to everything. Or rather, she's "allergic to the 20th Century." See, this movie takes place in the 80's when, apparently, smog and chemical pollutants were at their most abundant. Or something. Eventually, she ends up on a compound that gives off that "secretive cult" vibe and... well... Okay, that's all that happens. Let get on with this shall we?
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--Well... I would have to say, the story concept of a person allergic to the "20th Century" is kind of a neat idea... but...
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--The acting is average. It's so slow and plodding that, really, there's nothing to it. The characters, for the most part, almost totally lack emotion and feel very distant. The movie is so slow that, at least for me, I couldn't really "get into" them.
--Fairly interesting music--but not enough to help along the pace of this movie.
--Fairly interesting sets, though, somewhat standard 80's yuppie designs.
--Interesting cinematography, extensive use of long shots.
The Bad:
--Very, very, very, very tedious. I mean, this has got to be the slowest movie I've seen... probably ever. I thought Fear X was an obnoxiously dull film. I think this may have topped it. I mean, it was way slower. I found myself losing attention almost constantly and my attention focused to bookselves or the cat or the aquarium in which our lizards live as I tried to pick them out from the giant green plastic plant they have to hide around. You see where I'm getting with this? Those lizards are 10 feet away and 3 inches long--I was more interested in picking them out from that distance than watching this movie.
--Barely any plot at all. Just a monotonous story about a woman going from normal rich people life to eventually ending up in something like the Vegan Commune From Hell. Between the beginning and the end of the movie, almost nothing interesting happens.
--The characters were really dull. Now, if you're going to make a long boring movie where nothing happens, why compound the problem by making some of the slowest, dullest, most insipid characters on the planet?
--The founder of the creepy sick-people compound lives in a huge mansion. Why? Is he crooked? Is he secretely rich? Is he using all these sick people for personal gain? The movie didn't feel like exploring that route, so apparently, that crap doesn't matter.
--Lots of scenes of Julianne Moore doing the following: Looking sad, Looking depressed, Looking placid, Crying, Weeping, or having an "allergic reaction" to chemicals of the 20th Century.
--Nary an entertaining moment in the entire movie. If I sat on an uncomfortable, rusty folding chair ten inches away from a wall, on which paint is drying while I fiercely study it, with someone dumping poisonous snakes and spiders on me, I'd be more entertained than I was with this film. Unless there is a television nearby playing this movie. Then I'd just be aggravated and, quite likely, lose the will to fight for survival against the poisonous hordes of creatures dumped on me.
The Ugly:
--This movie is 2 hours long.
--Unsatisfying ending.
Memorable Scene:
--The opening scene is Julianne Moore looking placid while her husband fucks her. It all went downhill from there.
Acting: 7/10
Story: 2/10
Atmosphere: 3/10
Cinematography: 6/10
Character Development: 3/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 0/10
Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (Just that one sex scene that shows nothing)
Violence/Gore: 0/10
Dialogue: 3/10
Music: 2/10
Direction: 2/10
Cheesiness: 0/10
Crappiness: 8/10
Overall: 2/10
I settled on a 2/10 because, well, I don't give zeros, and this movie had an interesting idea at the very least. But, hell, I just can't recommend it. It's mind-numbingly boring and way too long. Normally, I love two-hour long movies. Or even three hours. So long as the movie doesn't feel that damn long. This felt like it was about 4 hours long.
