Post by Quorthon on Nov 7, 2007 15:22:22 GMT -5
Nekromantik 2
“Arthouse” Trash/Horror
1991
Color
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Directed by: Jörg Buttgereit
Germany
Nekromantik 2 is a, well, it’s supposed to be a horror film I think, about a woman who is a necrophiliac. Rather than offering much in the way of actual horror, it is laden generously with arthouse boredom with almost no dialog. Here’s the story:
Necrophiliac German chick digs up a “fresh” corpse “lover” that she drags back to her house. We get to watch this guy masturbate while simultaneously stabbing himself in the opening sequence. She must be new to this because when she goes down on the corpse (yeah, that’s right), she runs off to the bathroom to vomit. She keeps the dude for a little while, then cuts him up, keeps the head and genitals. According to the DVD description, she’s a nurse although she’s never seen in this capacity in the movie. By chance, she meets a dorky guy at a movie theater who works dubbing porn (into German) for a living, which is pretty funny. They start a relationship, of course. Eventually, however, the main girl’s love of dead people gets the best of her during the wacky climax of the film.
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--Amusing opening sequence. More laughable than scary, however, it is pleasantly disturbing.
--Decent climax to the film.
--Some brief, though graphic nudity that’s pretty interesting.
--Some generally surprising/shocking/vivid scenes (depending on your taste) of the main chick kissing and playing with the corpse she dug up.
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--The whole film feels like an art-house picture rather than a real horror film. It’s actually not easy to describe.
--Slimy special effects on the corpse and special effects during the film’s climax actually weren’t too bad. There’s a decent gross-out feel to it.
--Actual pornography is snuck into the film.
--Mildly interesting cinematography which stems from the obvious art-house feel of the film. Bizarre unevenness in the quality of the film from shot to shot.
The Bad:
--Almost no dialog for the duration of the movie. What there is, however, is pretty uninteresting. This film is two hours long and has less dialog, literally, than the average seven-minute segment of a sitcom.
--There is some English-language acting, all dealing with the porn-dubbing job, and it’s pretty awful.
--We aren’t even properly introduced to the characters and even basic facts on them—like their names—are left largely unknown for the bulk of the film.
--The guy dubs porno? Okay. Relevance to the plot? None.
--Useless side characters who only serve to communicate a story element. Primarily, some other woman the main male character is either dating on the side or something who is only used to make “convenient” set-up points to the story.
--For all it’s art-house attempted weirdness and gross-out gags, it still has a predictable ending.
--The music is generally just uninteresting or lacking. A few times, it’s just plain inappropriate.
--Laughably fake penises.
--Ridiculous sound effects when the chick cuts up her rotten corpse boyfriend.
The Ugly:
--Boring. This film has a surprising opening sequence, a few interesting touches early on, then lingers like a forgotten corpse (pun intended) for about an hour and a half during which time, almost nothing interesting happens. Is it true, that if you can catch and hold an audience’s attention in the first few minutes of a film, the rest doesn’t matter? Well, this film seems dead set on building on that very idea. With immense failure, mind you.
--The vast bulk of the middle two thirds of the movie (that’s accurate, the other third makes up the bookends here) is so bland and uninteresting. It follows these two main characters as they date, clumsily attempt to kiss, have boring sex once, and generally spend a lot of time together not talking to each other. No wonder their flirtatious ways are so clumsy, they spend a ton of time together and never once bothered to get to know one another!
--Long dull shots used for overly bland artistic pieces. For instance, watching for what had to be two solid minutes (which is a lifetime in film) as flowers wilted over a corpse.
--Completely unnecessary scene of another necrophiliac woman looking disappointed at the open grave of the previously robbed corpse and having some flashback which has no merit. It’s entirely possible that this woman and this throwback are from the first Nekromantik film (which I haven’t seen), but without reference, it’s a waste of time.
--Plot holes a-plenty. For one, at one time the new (living) boyfriend discovers the corpse penis just nonchalantly placed on a plate and covered with saran-wrap in the girl’s refrigerator. He looks all puzzled then, wouldn’t you know it, never once brings it up or thinks about it ever again! He kept dating her and never brought it up!
--All of a sudden, the main chick seems to have a group of necrophiliac friends and they sit around and watch actual footage of a seal being butchered. Not kidding. You know what else it was? Not entertaining.
--When the dude and chick meet at the theater and decide to see a movie together (the guy was waiting for the other woman I mentioned that was used only as a plot device, this being one of those times since he “got tired” of waiting for her), the movie they see is two naked people sitting at a table, on top of a building, eating eggs and talking about birds. I’m not kidding when I say that it seemed like this lasted at least ten minutes. I am not watching this movie to see two ugly naked people eat eggs and fucking talk about birds! I’m watching it because it promised me some hot necrophilia horror entertainment! Bah!
Memorable Scene:
--The opening scene and the final scene are both pretty entertaining.
--***SPOILER ALERT: HERE IS THE ENDING:*** The film ends with the necropiliac chick banging her boyfriend. Then she cuts his head off, and puts the rotting corpse’s head in place of her boyfriend’s head. She puts some tight band around the guy’s boner, then finishes having sex with him. Followed by a needless scene where it’s revealed that she’s pregnant. Then it’s finally over. ***END SPOILER ALERT*** I gave you this so you wouldn’t waste time trying to watch this film. You’re welcome.
Fun Stuff:
-- My wife and I eventually got so bored waiting for something to happen that we basically started MSTing the movie (pronounced “misting” for those unaware). Essentially, we started making fun of the movie the way the guys on Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have. Essentially, it’s the only saving grace there is for this film. Really, it is. Otherwise you’re just watching two stupid people fall into a relationship for at least twenty-five minutes with no dialog.
Acting: 4/10
Story: 5/10
Atmosphere: 3/10
Cinematography: 5/10
Character Development: 2/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 6/10
Dialog: 2/10
Music: 3/10
Direction: 2/10
Nudity: 3/10
Sexuality: 3/10 (a couple necrophilia-related scenes)
Violence: 3/10
Gore: 5/10
Cheesiness: 5/10
Crappiness: 8/10
Overall: 3/10
Not recommended, really, to anyone unless you’re looking for bizarre movie just to mock mercilessly. The endless dialog-less scenes give tons of room for mockery. It gets a three for the surprising opening and entertaining (though predictable) climax.
“Arthouse” Trash/Horror
1991
Color
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Directed by: Jörg Buttgereit
Germany
Nekromantik 2 is a, well, it’s supposed to be a horror film I think, about a woman who is a necrophiliac. Rather than offering much in the way of actual horror, it is laden generously with arthouse boredom with almost no dialog. Here’s the story:
Necrophiliac German chick digs up a “fresh” corpse “lover” that she drags back to her house. We get to watch this guy masturbate while simultaneously stabbing himself in the opening sequence. She must be new to this because when she goes down on the corpse (yeah, that’s right), she runs off to the bathroom to vomit. She keeps the dude for a little while, then cuts him up, keeps the head and genitals. According to the DVD description, she’s a nurse although she’s never seen in this capacity in the movie. By chance, she meets a dorky guy at a movie theater who works dubbing porn (into German) for a living, which is pretty funny. They start a relationship, of course. Eventually, however, the main girl’s love of dead people gets the best of her during the wacky climax of the film.
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--Amusing opening sequence. More laughable than scary, however, it is pleasantly disturbing.
--Decent climax to the film.
--Some brief, though graphic nudity that’s pretty interesting.
--Some generally surprising/shocking/vivid scenes (depending on your taste) of the main chick kissing and playing with the corpse she dug up.
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--The whole film feels like an art-house picture rather than a real horror film. It’s actually not easy to describe.
--Slimy special effects on the corpse and special effects during the film’s climax actually weren’t too bad. There’s a decent gross-out feel to it.
--Actual pornography is snuck into the film.
--Mildly interesting cinematography which stems from the obvious art-house feel of the film. Bizarre unevenness in the quality of the film from shot to shot.
The Bad:
--Almost no dialog for the duration of the movie. What there is, however, is pretty uninteresting. This film is two hours long and has less dialog, literally, than the average seven-minute segment of a sitcom.
--There is some English-language acting, all dealing with the porn-dubbing job, and it’s pretty awful.
--We aren’t even properly introduced to the characters and even basic facts on them—like their names—are left largely unknown for the bulk of the film.
--The guy dubs porno? Okay. Relevance to the plot? None.
--Useless side characters who only serve to communicate a story element. Primarily, some other woman the main male character is either dating on the side or something who is only used to make “convenient” set-up points to the story.
--For all it’s art-house attempted weirdness and gross-out gags, it still has a predictable ending.
--The music is generally just uninteresting or lacking. A few times, it’s just plain inappropriate.
--Laughably fake penises.
--Ridiculous sound effects when the chick cuts up her rotten corpse boyfriend.
The Ugly:
--Boring. This film has a surprising opening sequence, a few interesting touches early on, then lingers like a forgotten corpse (pun intended) for about an hour and a half during which time, almost nothing interesting happens. Is it true, that if you can catch and hold an audience’s attention in the first few minutes of a film, the rest doesn’t matter? Well, this film seems dead set on building on that very idea. With immense failure, mind you.
--The vast bulk of the middle two thirds of the movie (that’s accurate, the other third makes up the bookends here) is so bland and uninteresting. It follows these two main characters as they date, clumsily attempt to kiss, have boring sex once, and generally spend a lot of time together not talking to each other. No wonder their flirtatious ways are so clumsy, they spend a ton of time together and never once bothered to get to know one another!
--Long dull shots used for overly bland artistic pieces. For instance, watching for what had to be two solid minutes (which is a lifetime in film) as flowers wilted over a corpse.
--Completely unnecessary scene of another necrophiliac woman looking disappointed at the open grave of the previously robbed corpse and having some flashback which has no merit. It’s entirely possible that this woman and this throwback are from the first Nekromantik film (which I haven’t seen), but without reference, it’s a waste of time.
--Plot holes a-plenty. For one, at one time the new (living) boyfriend discovers the corpse penis just nonchalantly placed on a plate and covered with saran-wrap in the girl’s refrigerator. He looks all puzzled then, wouldn’t you know it, never once brings it up or thinks about it ever again! He kept dating her and never brought it up!
--All of a sudden, the main chick seems to have a group of necrophiliac friends and they sit around and watch actual footage of a seal being butchered. Not kidding. You know what else it was? Not entertaining.
--When the dude and chick meet at the theater and decide to see a movie together (the guy was waiting for the other woman I mentioned that was used only as a plot device, this being one of those times since he “got tired” of waiting for her), the movie they see is two naked people sitting at a table, on top of a building, eating eggs and talking about birds. I’m not kidding when I say that it seemed like this lasted at least ten minutes. I am not watching this movie to see two ugly naked people eat eggs and fucking talk about birds! I’m watching it because it promised me some hot necrophilia horror entertainment! Bah!
Memorable Scene:
--The opening scene and the final scene are both pretty entertaining.
--***SPOILER ALERT: HERE IS THE ENDING:*** The film ends with the necropiliac chick banging her boyfriend. Then she cuts his head off, and puts the rotting corpse’s head in place of her boyfriend’s head. She puts some tight band around the guy’s boner, then finishes having sex with him. Followed by a needless scene where it’s revealed that she’s pregnant. Then it’s finally over. ***END SPOILER ALERT*** I gave you this so you wouldn’t waste time trying to watch this film. You’re welcome.
Fun Stuff:
-- My wife and I eventually got so bored waiting for something to happen that we basically started MSTing the movie (pronounced “misting” for those unaware). Essentially, we started making fun of the movie the way the guys on Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have. Essentially, it’s the only saving grace there is for this film. Really, it is. Otherwise you’re just watching two stupid people fall into a relationship for at least twenty-five minutes with no dialog.
Acting: 4/10
Story: 5/10
Atmosphere: 3/10
Cinematography: 5/10
Character Development: 2/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 6/10
Dialog: 2/10
Music: 3/10
Direction: 2/10
Nudity: 3/10
Sexuality: 3/10 (a couple necrophilia-related scenes)
Violence: 3/10
Gore: 5/10
Cheesiness: 5/10
Crappiness: 8/10
Overall: 3/10
Not recommended, really, to anyone unless you’re looking for bizarre movie just to mock mercilessly. The endless dialog-less scenes give tons of room for mockery. It gets a three for the surprising opening and entertaining (though predictable) climax.
