Post by Bartwald on Apr 10, 2004 11:08:30 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Graveyard Disturbance[/glow] *1/2
What a stupid, stupid movie! And now I'm behaving just like the idiotic teens in it: have already wasted 90 minutes with this dire stuff and am still willing to add some more to it by reviewing the flick! Pointless and illogical, isn't it? But well... at least you have a good picture what the movie's like right now.
A team of aforementioned morons are on a trip. Their car gets stuck in a stream (they don't even TRY to get it out of there, though - and it seems pretty possible) so they continue on foot until they reach a cemetery; it's already dark and they decide to unroll their sleeping bags and go to sleep between the tombs. Then, just when you think they'll finally start dying, one of them notices a guy with a red bulb instead of his left eye. That doesn't bother them too much, in fact (I mean: the bulb) but they get a li'l bit more excited when they see he's entering a tavern. A tavern, right? Gotta check it out. They enter and - still failing to notice the ominous bulb - they order beer and sausages. Lots of lame jokes later they hear about a bet the tavern's famous for: anyone who enters the catacombs underneath and survives a whole night there - gets the gold! Since the teens are stupid enough not to notice bulbs in the eyeholes they soon decide to go down to the catacombs. Sure some zombies attack them not long after that but wait for some lines they speak to summarise their first half an hour with the undead: 'It's not so bad, after all. I think we can make it after all - it's not really scary even - already feels like my second home...' Second home with a herd of stinking, eyeless zombies behind your back - yeah, sure.
The only scene this movie gets the extra half-a-star for is the dinner scene observed by two of our characters: several zombies (vampires? mutants?...hard to tell) are eating spiders, maggots, rats and other quality food but what counts here most is the make up which looks like it was stolen from horror movie that's a thousand times better than this one: the multi-eyed woman rocks most of all! Haunting and crazy - that's what the whole movie should be like, dammit!
There are various attempts at making this flick 'ironic' but all of them fail. The characters are ALL annoying and the actors who play them make things even worse. When the ending finally comes (thank God it does - after what seems like ten hours!) it's as lame, laughable and uniteresting as what went before. Just wait for the scene when a key figure gives away his secret identity: it should be like 'Now they're all doomed!' but no: the guy dies just after introducing himself!
OK, no more of this. Stay away from Disturbance unless you feel like watching a totally trashy horror movie. I know I feel like that from time to time, so I'm not blaming you or anything.
What a stupid, stupid movie! And now I'm behaving just like the idiotic teens in it: have already wasted 90 minutes with this dire stuff and am still willing to add some more to it by reviewing the flick! Pointless and illogical, isn't it? But well... at least you have a good picture what the movie's like right now.
A team of aforementioned morons are on a trip. Their car gets stuck in a stream (they don't even TRY to get it out of there, though - and it seems pretty possible) so they continue on foot until they reach a cemetery; it's already dark and they decide to unroll their sleeping bags and go to sleep between the tombs. Then, just when you think they'll finally start dying, one of them notices a guy with a red bulb instead of his left eye. That doesn't bother them too much, in fact (I mean: the bulb) but they get a li'l bit more excited when they see he's entering a tavern. A tavern, right? Gotta check it out. They enter and - still failing to notice the ominous bulb - they order beer and sausages. Lots of lame jokes later they hear about a bet the tavern's famous for: anyone who enters the catacombs underneath and survives a whole night there - gets the gold! Since the teens are stupid enough not to notice bulbs in the eyeholes they soon decide to go down to the catacombs. Sure some zombies attack them not long after that but wait for some lines they speak to summarise their first half an hour with the undead: 'It's not so bad, after all. I think we can make it after all - it's not really scary even - already feels like my second home...' Second home with a herd of stinking, eyeless zombies behind your back - yeah, sure.
The only scene this movie gets the extra half-a-star for is the dinner scene observed by two of our characters: several zombies (vampires? mutants?...hard to tell) are eating spiders, maggots, rats and other quality food but what counts here most is the make up which looks like it was stolen from horror movie that's a thousand times better than this one: the multi-eyed woman rocks most of all! Haunting and crazy - that's what the whole movie should be like, dammit!
There are various attempts at making this flick 'ironic' but all of them fail. The characters are ALL annoying and the actors who play them make things even worse. When the ending finally comes (thank God it does - after what seems like ten hours!) it's as lame, laughable and uniteresting as what went before. Just wait for the scene when a key figure gives away his secret identity: it should be like 'Now they're all doomed!' but no: the guy dies just after introducing himself!
OK, no more of this. Stay away from Disturbance unless you feel like watching a totally trashy horror movie. I know I feel like that from time to time, so I'm not blaming you or anything.
); any plans of translating it, maybe?