Just Watched Movies (2013)

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Chernobyl Diaries-Agreeing to tour the abandoned town of Pripyat in the Ukraine, a group of friends find the town may hold more visitors than they expected and must find a way to get out of the town and it's dangers alive. Despite what could've been a great effort, this one turned out to be a slight disappointment overall. The film's biggest flaw here is the absolute inability to know what it wants to be, as the trials and tribulations of the group inside the city are just dull in comparison to what comes after, but the fact that all we get is a single line in Russian about the protagonists yet are never given any sort of evidence during the film to support the diagnosis since it shows several other particular efforts as to what could happen rather than what was announced at the end. This is aided by the fact that they're hardly ever seen anyway and get very little screen-time, the majority of the film featuring them running around in the radioactive areas battling other threats than what we're told, and the incredibly poor decision-making to constantly keep themselves in danger for the expense of the movie's sake is another big blow here. It has some fine set-pieces at times and gets in some great atmospheric moments in the later half, but overall this one is just too disappointing to really get better.

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- Night of the demons (1988). Ten rambuctious teenagers celebrate a Halloween party on the moth... well, maybe the big sister of all haunted houses (a crematorium / site of a family massacre / modern castle / desecrated indian burial ground, natch), and hold a séance --which results in demonic possessions and a lot of teenaged mincemeat. And that's just the start!

Superfun late 80's schlock that's sorely underrated, with ample helpings of gore, dark humor and two memorable female horror villains in goth Angela (check out her creepy / sexy dance to a Bauhaus ditty!) and naugthy Suzanne (check out her unnatural trick with a tube of lipstick! In fact, check out one of Linnea Quigley's most memorable performances!). It's also aided by the welcome subversion of teenage horror clichés: the squeaky-clean guy is actually a lech, the asshole punks turn out to be compassionate, the token black guy is the most sensitive in the group (and a scaredy-cat), the token asian chick is both down-to-earth and just plain fun, and the virginal final girl... isn't.
Even better is the epilogue, a nasty punchline to a clever subplot set up in the opening scenes.

All in all, I'd rank this right up with other fun and scary Halloween-themed horrors that include "Trick R Treat" and "Blood: the last vampire" (where the original "Halloween" is more like the one genuinely scary entry, ignoring all the sequels and remakes).

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I've yet to see that one, though I have the sequels on VHS and taped the remake off cable when it played here. Been dying to get ahold of that one, and the rumblings of a new special edition DVD are promising.

The Presence-Arriving at a secluded cabin to get over the demons of her past, a woman finds the cabin haunted by the ghosts she's running from and tries to stop their torment and control over her when her boyfriend comes to visit. Quite frankly this is one of the most boring and irritating horror films of all time and ranks as one of the worst all-time. This is aided by the film's complete lack of anything going on here, which tends to feature one of the characters wandering around the house while a ghost looks on silently and immobile the entire time, not reacting to her being there nor doing anything to put the characters in harm's way. That's the whole point here, there's no danger at all to the characters so there's no blood, no gore, no deaths, nor even is there on-screen violence perpetrated against them as the lone act that could've been highly rewarding for what's transpired is done off-screen with the shouts and screams echoing through the landscape, and their tactic of merely whispering their intentions is just plain irksome and generates nothing but loathing at the lack of action. The fact that it takes just under half-an-hour for the first line of dialog to occur should be more than enough to denote what kind of film this is, even with some potentially intriguing scenes later on. The scenery looks gorgeous, the house is creepy and the atmosphere works, but the lack of an intimidating threat and toned-down atmosphere here doom this one.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer-Learning that she's to be part of an ancient line of vampire slayers, a reluctant teen joins forces with her mentor to fight back against the race of vampires descending on her hometown. This here was quite an enjoyable though puzzling effort, as the crossover nature of this one means it does a far better job of integrating the horror into the straight-comedy it really feels it wants to be, but the mere fact that the vampires are never portrayed effectively and consistently makes for an obscure watch at times. One second, they're effectively scaring and securing meals for their clan, the next they're put there as comedic fodder and tripping over things, loosing limbs or generally acting as the butt of jokes for everyone and when mixed together with Buffy's taunts and quips this feels more comedy than anything. Still, it gets a lot right at times and really has some good parts going for it while not really having much wrong with it besides the mistreatment of the vampires which is really to be expected considering the target audience. Altogether, though, not all that bad.

[Fenril]

- Blancanieves. Silent-movie adaptation of "Snow White", recast in 20's Spain (with a lot of bullfighting and flamenco for local color). I can't decide if I liked this movie or not; on the one hand, there's a lot to like here --gothic atmosphere to spare, nods to the original fairy tale as well as "Cinderella", the movie "Freaks" and several classic Spanish dramas. On the other hand, the script takes "whimsy" to a whole new level (the dwarves are a travelling circus of dwarf bullfighters, for instance), and in trying to keep the cruel tone often associated with the Grimm's tales (which wasn't always the case, for the record), this ends being way too sadistic, especially the ultradark ending, which makes it look as if the whole point of the story was to watch everybody suffer a lot for no reason.

- Dark night of the scarecrow. Classic tv movie about a lynch mob that wrongly executes a retarded man and find themselves stalked by *something* bent on revenge. This cult movie gained favorable reviews from no less tan Vincent Price and Ray Bradbury themselves (and it's the kind of story that would have appealed to both, I think), with a lot of atmosphere, a carefully crafted script and a very judicious use of special effects (they know what to show and what not to, all in the name of suspense). I do think they made the main villain just a litte too evil, but since they also flesh out his character (as well as everybody in the movie), that's not really so big a problem.

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Added an uncut copy of The Haunting in Connecticut to the collection.

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Lifeforce-When a returning space shuttle's contents of a space vampire get loose in London, the authorities track down the lone survivor of the expedition to help them understand the creatures' motives as it rampages throughout the city. This here turned out to be quite an entertaining if slightly flawed effort. One of the main issues is the fact that this one is quite a bit longer than necessary, it's running time dragged out by the inclusion of scenes that really serve no purpose being there to begin with or simply taking far too long to get it's point across when some streamlining could've been incredibly beneficial. Take five to ten minutes off this one and it's golden, if it would've bothered to answer several rather important questions within that would've helped make this one more enjoyable, one of which is even voiced by a character in the film which is never a good sign. There's still a lot to like here with plenty of exciting, grandiose action scenes that really work well, including the vampires' initial escape from the facility, a dash across the English countryside to corral the creature and some high-scale scenes of city destruction in the finale that offers more of a science-fiction spectacle that horror-based thrills. Still, the creature's continuous threat and historical significance played into their backstory are nice touches overall, and when matched with some nice gore bits and continuous nudity from those well-able to provide it makes for a pretty entertaining effort.

[Fenril]

- M. There is a serial killer targetting the children of Düsseldorf. The populace panics, the police organize night reids on every illegal business and the local criminal organization decides to take matters into their own hands. But lynch mob justice might be worse than the deranged killer in their mist...
Early "talkie" remains a classic thriller, with some surprisingly modern sensibilities. Worth seeing for the climatic trial sequence (an almost surreal scene where the killer defends his actions to a rabid mob of lowlives) and the sobering epilogue. From the director of the sci-fi classic "Metropolis".

- Spaceballs. A parody of "Star wars" (with elements of "Star trek" and "Alien" woven in), in which princess Vespa, fleeing her unwanted engagement to prince Valium, escapes her home planet and lands in the clutches of a despicable (through thoroughly incompetent) evil empire. Thus almost hero Lone Star is hired to rescue her --and her Mercedes spaceship, if possible.
Pretty funny comedy; not quite one of Mel Brooks's best efforts, but still worth a look. The best sequence involves a musically-inclined Xenomorph in a space cafeteria.

- Scarface. Blood-soaked pseudo remake of the 30's gangster movie, detailing the violent rise and harsh fall of Cuban-born cocaine dealer Tony Montana, a man whose determination is only matched by his ego.
Quite possibly Brian de Palma's best non-horror thriller, with a complex script (courtesy of Oliver Stone), impressive performances, a great soundtrack and lots of memorable setpieces.
Seeing the way this and "The godfather" have influenced american pop culture, seeing which parts of both movies the general populace took to heart --I once again conclude that a lot of people took the wrong lesson from this story. It's still worth seeing, through.

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Added uncut copies of Black Dawn and Ablaze to the collection.

Bending the Rules-While attempting to get revenge on the attorney who's trying to put him away for corruption, an easy-going cop stumbles onto a string of murders linked to a crime czar he put away and must stop the reign of violence before they become immersed. Not a true Action movie as it's more of a buddy-comedy with a few action scenes thrown in along the way, this is still rather fun as the breezy pace and cornucopia of jokes make for an endearing time quite easily. The fact that the whole case gets stumbled onto in the manner it does is wholly unrealistic and doesn't really make sense the way it is, and as mentioned before there's not a lot of action in terms of shoot-outs, chases or such, but it's still pleasing enough a it is.

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8213: Gacy House-Arriving at the abandoned house of notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy, a team of paranormal investigators looking for his ghost stumble upon a far deadlier horror lying in the house and must try to get out alive. This one was a pretty flawed but still somewhat enjoyable effort, mostly because this one is yet another reprehensible found-footage effort. Due to that factor, this here carries with it so many of the usual flaws to be found within the genre, as the incredibly unnerving shaking camera that keeps missing exactly what you want to see during the big action scenes, far too many moments of incredibly unnecessary footage merely to add up the running time and the always-enjoyable tactic of keeping the camera rolling in situations where your survival is more important. That happens far more frequently in the later half which is because that's where all the fun happens due to a slew of paranormal activities occurring with the beginning not being of any real interest with a lack of action, so the picking up the pace in the later stages is a lot of fun, including a ten-minute segment of full-on hauntings that are actually pretty creepy at times and pick this up considerably.

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Silent Night-When a vicious crime spree in their small town is found to be the work of a killer dressed in a Santa costume, the local police officers race to stop his blood-soaked spree before he can escape using a local parade as cover for his crimes. There's a lot to like about this one, most notably the fact that it indulges in it's genres exploits quite handily and gets a lot of good mileage out of those factors. As a slasher, there's a wide assortment of deaths in here that are pretty bloody and graphic but also incredibly diverse and really don't repeat themselves all too often. As well, there's a few genuinely creepy stalking scenes that work to the movie's advantage and delivers when it needs to, even providing a real action-packed climax that's quite enjoyable. While the story itself works rather nicely, the fact that there's some pretty big holes of logic all ensuing from the rather irrational manner of making this a who-dun-it rather than a faceless slasher effort is the biggest problem here, the forced inclusion of red herrings being quite needless and not really providing this with any real purpose. Otherwise, this was a really enjoyable effort.

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Battledogs-After being bitten by a wolf and given a curse that will turn her into a ravenous werewolf, a woman sides with a sympathetic Army major and a scientist friend to find a cure for the disease before a rogue general uses the creatures as a weapon for the US military. This was a pretty surprising entry that had some pretty enjoyable aspects to it that makes it far better than expected. One of the best elements here is the film's use of real animatronics and puppets for the werewolves that lend the creatures a sense of realism that far off-sets the utterly atrocious CGI which also pops up, but the fact that a lot of it is with the on-set effects makes it more enjoyable. The relentless action allows for plenty of high-energy scenes, including the creatures running loose in a crowded airport with the turned victims rising up as new werewolves to join in the fray as well as a big battle with the military on the streets of New York that has a lot to like. Throw that in with some nice gore and a pretty involving storyline that never really gets convoluted, it's got a lot to like that really makes up for the film's few flaws in it's CGI and pretty bland beginning that never fits in with the rest of the action, causing it to take a while to get going. Otherwise, this was quite fun.

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Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines-Arriving in a small West Virginia town to celebrate a local holiday, a group of travelers must band together with the local sheriff to save the town from a race of inbred cannibalistic mutant hillbillies running wild through the participants looking for their incarcerated leader. This here managed to be quite an interesting take on the franchise and offers enough good points to be entertaining if not entirely original. There's not really a whole lot that really screams out to be breaking new ground here, especially with the absolutely ridiculous notion of abandoning the music festival guaranteed to provide tons of victims is dispatched and done away with hardly any attack on the patrons there, providing a really huge missed opportunity. As well, the move away from the forest setting and making it take place in a more civilized location really takes away the ingenuity of the killers here who are reduced to more normal slashers and takes a lot of their horror away. Still, the fact that this follows tradition and offers plenty of outrageous kills, tons of bloodsplatter and gore and has some real nasty moments in the last half make up a lot of ground here and give this one a lot better feel than expected, even though it's on the bottom rung of the ladder in the series basically by default at the quality of the others.

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Dragon Eyes-After being released from prison, a man finds the apartment complex rented for him controlled by a street gang to run out the residents for a land developer's project and takes up the fight to defend them. Initially appearing to be a Van Damme-fronted effort as he's the main one billed here, the fact that he's in a supporting role instead doesn't make this one any less enjoyable. There's a lot of fights in this, mostly brief affairs that don't last too long seeing as how they're fighting with a street-thug mentality against an expert martial artist who knows what he's doing and so that gives the fights a needed and thankful feeling of realism as that's what should happen in such a situation but ends up leaving the film feeling devoid of any stand-out fights despite a real high-energy atmosphere through them. The main fight at the end is rather cool and the longest one in the film, but not nearly long enough to save it from the other flaws, namely the tepid romance that develops quite hokily with the landlord's daughter that's so cliche the inclusion of it seems forced. Still, it's not all together as bad as it could've been.

Universal Soldier: Regeneration-After a terrorist kidnaps the Russian president's children with renegade universal soldiers, the US sends in the last remaining unit they have to rescue them in the abandoned radioactive plant they're being held. Well, the mini Van Damme marathon concluded with a full-on starring vehicle this time, and frankly is one of the best in the series. Thank god this one has the decency not to employ the shaking camera effect during the film's numerous action scenes, as the multitude of hand-to-hand fights, firefights and shoot-outs never once become indecipherable through that tactic, and it's so much more enjoyable for that decision since so much of it happens in the course of the film. About the only flaw in this one is the decision to have the MMA star in the lead as the main villain Universal Soldier, who seems to know only two or three moves and resorts to throwing people around or not-selling their attacks to showcasing his super-powers, leaving their final confrontation to be a massive disappointment even if it hadn't followed what might be Dolph Lundgren's all-time greatest fight scene, as the showdown with him and Van Damme is as great of a showstopper as there's ever been, both look great and the lengthy sequence is fantastic on all levels. A great bit of fun and one of the series' best.

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The Awful Dr. Orlof-When a series of strange women disappearances cause the authorities to get suspicious, a police investigator stumbles onto the scientist responsible and his deformed assistant abducting the women for experiments on his daughter and race to stop him. This was overall a really enjoyable Gothic horror. One of the best elements to this is the film's rather gritty atmosphere from the different stalking scenes out amongst the fog-enshrouded city streets as the shadows flitting across the walls make for truly impressive shots, and the slow-building mystery surrounding the disappearances makes for an even bigger part of what's going on. The appearance of the deformed helper and his grotesque visage strikes a very imposing image as he moves through his scenes as obedient as possible, generating one of the film's stand-out scenes as he stalks a helpless victim through a multi-floor Gothic mansion as she desperately tries to get away, and with the film's rousing finale in the laboratory and a pretty queasy surgery scene thrown in it makes for the film's best points. There's some flaws here, mainly in the fact that it's a straight rip of several other films that won't be too hard to come up with as inspiration here, and that this does nothing new with the material other than added a deformed hulk doing the killings doesn't allow this to stand-out all that much. As well, the low-budget nature of this one is quite apparent and allows some silliness to shine through in inopportune times to really hurt this one somewhat, but it's still enjoyable enough when it counts.