Just Watched Movie (2011)

[slayrrr666]

Battle Warrior-A group of commandoes lead a rescue mission into Thailand to rescue a government official held at a corrupt general's compound since he knows the location of a valuable artifact. GOOD FUCKING GOD, the dubbing to this film is the single worst I've ever seen. Name an offense, this one partakes in it. Mouths keep moving long after words are uttered on the soundtrack? Done, and worse, it lasts for several seconds, not just syllables but it seems like they're adding a couple words not translated. Voices dubbed into the wrong voice for what the character looks like? Done. Voices changing from one person to another throughout the course of the film? Done. Nonsensical lines and head-scratching examples of human speaking? Done. Plus, we have several new ones discovered in the film as well; the complete and total silence of outside noise to make way for the dialog to come through, so even though a person's in the middle of a big gunfight with lots of explosions going on in the background, the only sound heard is the voices speaking, even if just for a grunt or a scream or so. Plus, they also have the audacity to subtitle it as well, and it's just about as bad, with lines not even coming up when they're spoken, a particular line come on-screen long before it's uttered so the caption stays the same despite lots of lines given in the soundtrack and an inability to really stay in league with the film, making for quite possibly the worst audio experience of all time for a film.

Not that technically it was any better. Despite being out in broad daylight, scenes are impossibly blackened out to the point of seeing unrecognizable blobs on-screen, way too many tangent side-plots that have no business in the film and just loads upon loads of other errors which just give it away as a low-budget film. All of these disappear, though, when the film hits it's stride, the rescue operation of the compound. Probably more bullets fired than in any other sequence in movie history, tons of people going flying through the air with bullet hits, explosions or grenade blasts, hand-to-hand fighting and much more come to the forefront and makes everything all right. Technically, this film is almost a capital crime, but entertainment-wise it's pretty good.

The Hunted-An American businessman in Japan after witnessing an assassination is protected by a martial arts master from a squad of ninjas lead by a master swordsman with a personal interest in his life. Not all that bad at all, gets some pretty good fighting in some unusual places (a bullet train sequence being the big stand-out) but overall has enough to come off as pretty enjoyable and entertaining in spite of it's length that really should've been trimmed back a lot. This is easily ten minutes too long, and could have a couple minutes more trimmed away if you're really up for it, but it's still not that bad as is.

[slayrrr666]

Penance-Filling in for a friend on a stripping job, a young woman finds she's captured by a deranged madman intended to purify similar women for their sins and is tortured to achieve those results. Yet another utterly retarded Torture Film here, only this one made all the more infuriated with the inclusion of the "Found Footage" moniker, so it's pretty much what would happen if "Paranormal Activity" did the "Saw" series, and that only spells disaster for all involved due to the inability to see anything going on because the camera's shaking too much. Plus, the fact that no one in their right mind would be filming during such activities and the inclusion of twisted religious reasoning and you have absolutely no interest beyond the nudity to watch this, which isn't that great since none of the ones who should are the ones that do. Pure waste of time.

[Fenril]

Saw Insidious, which just came out in theatres over here. It's a haunted house story of sorts (actually, there's more than that going on, but you'll have to see the movie to find out what).

I liked it, it has a very old-school feel to it; reminded me of a lot of previous ghost movies, yet didn't feel like a ripoff of any of them.

Considering the team behind "Saw" and "Dead silence" was behind it, it's even more suprising (by the way, "Insidious" doesn't resemble those previous movies at all).

The first half was the more effective, IMHO, in that it's much more subtle and has a more mature feel to it, with the parents' fear that their children might be in serious danger.

The second is an all-out supernatural adventure... a bit jarring at first, and not really scary, but I still liked this part, it was just a lot of fun.

Recommended.

[slayrrr666]

Big Game-While out with their friends, a group of teens find themselves captured by a psychotic inmate and subjected to a series of torture and tormenting before striking back against their captor. Pretty terrible film, not a whole lot to really get excited over here, not even the torturing which is pretty lame and not all that impressive. Plays out way too long since it starts way too late, the scenes last forever and don't really go anywhere and overall, it's just a bland, forgettable film you've seen dozens of times over. Truly terrible effort.

[slayrrr666]

The Uninvited-While trying to recover from a bout of agoraphobia, a woman finds that the ghostly visions she's experiencing around her house may have more sinister motives than just haunting her. One of the many variations with this particular title, this one happens to be an incredibly slow-moving and what initially-appears lifeless ghost story, more about freaky flash visions or dreams rather than any out-and-out horrors before it turns it around in the second half and delivers some really solid hauntings in that part. A little too much plot twisting done in that section as well, with a lot of stuff that's just not needed to move the story along, and they're could've been a little more to do with the ghosts' involvements going for a kill now and then since there's not a lot of that going on, but it trades it in for a little bit more suspense and becomes more watchable as it goes along.

[Fenril]

Saw three very different movies, enjoyed all of them:

- Baifa monu Zhuan [The bride with white hair]. Trained assassins Zhuo and Lian abandon their respective clans for each other's passion, unaware of the enormous intrigues being plotted against them.

Simply stunning film that is at once Martial Arts movie, Fantasy epic, subtle political allegory (this was filmed in the last years before Hong Kong would be returned to China) and even tender love story.

Very recommended.

- I love you, Philip Morris. The story of con artist Steven Russell and the enormous lengths he'd go to for the sake of his boyfriend (the titular Philip) and an old promise. Based on a real-life case.

Surprisingly cynical yet fun comedy with fine acting from all and a clever script.

- Ladrón de cadáveres [Corpse snatcher]. A mad scientist steals the corpses of recently deceased wrestlers for a nefarious purpose. Police Captain Robles sends his friend Guillermo as a decoy, with ghastly consequences for everyone.

From the director of both Vampiro movies and The living coffin; this seems to be the first mexican luchador / horror movie, with several key scenes homaged or blatantly stolen by latter movies (Santo vs. the vampire women and Night of the bloody apes among them). Better written than would become the norm for this kind of movies, while still delivering the usual B-movie thrills.

[slayrrr666]

Glad you loved Bride as well. Never caught that other stuff, I just remember the fighting which was enough to win me over.

One more night with TCM's Drive-In Mania, and we got some classics this time:

It Came from Beneath the Sea-Harryhausen's overlooked classic, just as good as his other works and definitely has enough of it's own good moments that there's plenty of stuff that make for an entertaining feature. The rampage is decent enough for what could be done, lots of destruction scenes and a pretty involving mystery built-up that it becomes enjoyable after a decidedly-small amount of octopus action in the first half. The idea of beating it is rather weak, but it's not a bad one at all.

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms-One of the all-time best entries in the genre, not a whole lot wrong with this one. Fantastic monster, in pretty much all the areas with it's design, backstory and overall presentation (strangely, I love it's roar, especially when it does in triumph after knocking down the lighthouse on the foggy banks) and the set-up for it before it attacks is the best ever for one of these. With a fantastic finish and some smarts to it's screenplay, this is an overall winner.

The Giant Behemoth-I've always had a soft-spot for this one, didn't know any better and it managed to wow me when I first saw it when I was a teen. Holds up rather well, despite the heavy scientific banter in the first half which doesn't put me to sleep like it used to (I actually understand what they're talking about now, and those British accents are easier to understand, a big help since the lead mumbles worse than Seagal does) but it's all forgotten in a brilliant rampage that scores a lot of good points and works pretty well. Again, a weak ending, but it's still a lot of fun.

[slayrrr666]

Scream of the Banshee-When a college professor opens a strange box on campus, it unleashes a terrifying figure from Irish legend called the banshee and must gather up the few figures who know about the beast to stop it before it's rampage consumes the campus. Not all that bad, and pretty enjoyable for what it is, as it tends to focus on setting up scares with the creature tormenting people rather than going for the offensive and striking vicious deaths, itself a blessing and a curse due to the fact that it's got some pretty good jumps because of that, but the body count is way too low for these types of films and there's not too much gore to go around because of that. Still, the action scenes are fine and the confrontations are really good, but overall it could've have some minor changes to help it out.

Swamp Shark-When a series of attacks in their waters lead them to believe a shark is responsible and the authorities doubting the claims, a family of restaurateurs heads into the Louisiana swamps to kill it before it attacks more people. A pretty decent creature feature, like most of these usually are, and gets some good points to it. There's a couple rather fun stalking scenes in the swamps, taking full advantage of the situation to make for some really tense moments, the shark actually looks really good and has some scenes where it's a full-live shark prop and not CGI, making for some really impressive scenes and the finale is a lot of fun. It's one weak area is that there's not a lot of actual shark attacks going on, and while it's not noticeable to the plot or pacing, it does lower the gore quotient somewhat since there's not a whole lot of attacks at all.

Dismal-While out in the woods doing research, a group of students come across a deranged cannibal killer in the area and must fend off his attacks before they're all captured and consumed. Not that this was a terrible movie, but it was just entirely bland and not really all that special. You'll have guessed everything in here ten minutes before it happens, all the plot twists will be given and the entire look and feel of this one just screams quickie-cash-in attempt without a lot of effort put behind it. The gore is somewhat decent in their kills and the final stalking in the woods has it's moments, but overall this one just feels like the greatest hits from every lost-in-the-woods-with-a-cannibal-family flick every made with no attempt at offering a new song for the collection.

[slayrrr666]

Stan Helsing-A man and his friends get lost in a small town haunted by various monsters and ghouls and learns he must battle them in order to leave the area. A very, very funny spoof, which is a lot better than expected and gets in some very good laughs from it all. The gags run the gamut from sexual innuendoes (and the target of them is well worthy of such fare) to slapstick to farce and even straight-up spoofing, which makes it pretty enjoyable all around. Can get a little tiring if not in the proper mind-frame, but overall it's pretty enjoyable for what it is.

[slayrrr666]

No Time to Fear-After a camping trip in the woods, a group of friends begin dying strangely after seeing ghostly doubles of themselves and realize they're unleashed their own doppelgangers on themselves and must race to stop them before their entire group is killed off. This wouldn't have been so bad had it been a little longer. This one is just way too short, barely clocking over an hour, that it really could've used a little bit more time by explaining the concept of the haunting being unleashed and more time to really play with it, as those scenes go by pretty quickly without really exposing all they could've. Still, they're not all that bad and do have some good points, as the concept is pretty original and there's some nice tension in the stalking parts, but it's just too short to really matter.

[Fenril]

Jun 29, 2011 10:18:11 GMT -5 slayrrr666 said:

...This one is just way too short, barely clocking over an hour, that it really could've used a little bit more time by explaining the concept of the haunting being unleashed and more time to really play with it, as those scenes go by pretty quickly without really exposing all they could've. Still, they're not all that bad and do have some good points, as the concept is pretty original and there's some nice tension in the stalking parts, but it's just too short to really matter.

That makes the title pretty ironic, then.

Seen a couple comedies:

- Le concert. Demoted orchestra conductor Andrei intercepts a fax requesting the Borshoi orchestra for a one-night performance at the Chatelet Theater in Paris, and so sets out to reconstruct his entire orchestra for a once-in-a-lifetime scam.

Very good example of European humor, with clever gags executed on a pretty serious dramatic backdrop (the consequences of the fall of Communism in Russia, for instance). Finely acted and with an elegant soundtract, as expected from the storyline.

- El día de la bestia. A basque priest has figured out that the Antichrist will be born in Christmas day 1995 (this movie came out in 1995 hence the very specific year) somewhere in Madrid. So he turns to increasingly more extreme methods to find out the exact site of the birth and stop Armageddon in time.

Darkly funny spoof of satanic thrillers with a very Spanish tipe of humor, one of director Alex de la Iglesia's best and a movie that helped revitalize Spanish fantasy movies back in the 90's.

[slayrrr666]

The Tomb-After leaving his fiancee for a mysterious woman, a man learns that she's a succubus looking to extend her immortal life, but upon rejecting her after learning of her treachery and hooking up with his ex, she launches a full-scale assault on his family to get him back. Very, very long-winded effort that takes an eternity to get to it's good stuff, with the first hour feeling like a boring romance movie, only because of who's involved turning it into a horror film, with the back-and-forth allegiance to each, before the final half makes any kind of good standing amongst the time with a lot of good stuff about it. Needed to be a lot more consistent in order to really keep it going.

[slayrrr666]

The Blob-When a meteorite crash spews forth a ravenous alien blob that devours everything it touches, a group of teens race to warn the disbelieving adults in town about the creature before it's rampage consumes the entire area. Not really all that great as I thought it would be, mainly due to the consistently irritating efforts of the film to stay with the teens and their lifestyle that serve almost no entertainment value since I don't enjoy that lifestyle at all, leaving the beginning to feel way too slowed down and convoluted, having to jump back into the plot because they're showcasing the teens rather than keeping the story moving. The attacks, though, are a lot of fun and generate some good suspense and action, particularly the finale, so it does save itself some particular points that way, but it could've had a lot more with a bit of reworking.

The H-Man-When a rash of mysterious disappearances surround a nefarious criminal gang, a scientist and a deceased-member's lounge singer-wife team up to proof the existence of the radioactive blobs at the source of the events. Absolutely phenomenal effort here from the same team that brought us the Godzilla movies, many in the exact same kind of roles and providing the goods this time around as well. From the superb shots of the victims melting away in full-on view to scenes of the creature's stalking prey both in crowded nightclubs and on a deserted ghost ship that ranks as far more atmospheric than anything else possible at that time, it's just a great time all the way around.

[slayrrr666]

Once Upon a Time in China-A Chinese folk hero who, while taking care of his newly-returned-to China cousin, stumbles across a group of corrupt bureacrats who are smuggling Chinese workers to America as slaves under the guise of introducing Western products to the country in an effort to help them become more modernized. Yes, thinking about the plot that much will give you a headache, but who cares when there's so much fantastic kung-fu on display. At least three fights in here go on for over five minutes, and one of them is so jaw-dropping it's amazing to believe no one has ever mentioned it in the best screen-fights of all time. With a cast made up of martial arts film stars, it's guaranteed to keep those fans happy, and with the sense of Chinese pride and dignity on display, it becomes much more than just a normal chop-socky film. If you liked what Jet Li does in his American movies, his Chinese counterparts are on such a higher level it's insane.

Once Upon a Time in China II-Sequel picks up right where the other one left off, as having been cleared by the authorities, Fei Hung is granted permission to travel to other Chinese providences to spread his medicinal cures to the Western audiences, and by association, becomes involved in a fanatical cult that wants to rid China of foreigners. Again, following what's going on is nearly impossible, but it's once again let out the door by it's kung-fu displays, which here are a little better and a little worse than what came before. Whereas Part 1 had a tendency to have him inexplicicably hold a specific pose for half-a-second after knocking out a target, this one here is much more fluid and dynamic, removing that tendency and giving it a much more impressive feel. The bad is that it tends to avoid having a one-on-one fight until the end of the film and concentrate more on kicking around extras for the majority of the time, which is fun but gets old quickly when he spends most of the time doing that. Granted, the one-on-one fights at the end are spectacular, but it's a little too late. A worthy sequel but that's about all.

Once Upon a Time in China III-A respected kung-fu artist is drawn into a battle by several different schools vying for a prestigious award being handed out by a corrupt general that's using the event as a plot to murder several presidential candidates. Yeah, this one has the most going on for it in the series, but strangely it holds itself well than the others, because while there's a lot going on it has a pretty swift-moving plot that keeps it all running along without really breaking stride too much, simply motoring along and using each plot element to move up the others, giving it a good sense of continuity that is pretty enjoyable. The fights here are kept to a further minimum than the other two, and given that there's only three one-on-ones in the whole film, it really lacks the full-on display of the original, but again there's a lot of kicking around extras and the finale maybe the ultimate display of wire-fu ever done on-screen, looking really good and making for a spectacular effort. Not nearly as worthwhile as the first two, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Frayed-When a sheriff learns that a dangerous inmate has escaped from a psychiatric facility, he races to stop his rampage in his small town before his victims uncover a deadly secret that puts them in danger. You've all seen this type of horror film done before, and it comes across so much like a Halloween rip-off in storyline terms only that most of what it does turns into a rather familiar experience because of the similarities, only this one doesn't have the same amount of impact due to an agonizingly slow pace that makes it feel like it's far longer than it really is, and it's pretty long as it is. Not a whole lot of gore in the few kills either, so it plays a lot more like a thriller than a straight-up slasher, despite it giving off more of those elements than thrillers. Seems like it's mostly for the most hardcore slasher completists.

[slayrrr666]

Rebirth of Mothra-While trying to fight a logging company's deforestation work in the Japanese north, a group of kids are recruited by Mothra and her tiny Elias helpers to stop the release of a terrifying monster that will have severe effects on the Earth. Quite probably the most outside-the-norm of all Japanese monster flicks so far, being more rooted in fantasy than any straight-up science fiction that the previous films delved in, this makes for a jarring but somewhat interesting view. Certainly, as a kiddie film this one is rather fun at times, with the battles between both larva and adult being action-packed as they throw countless energy beams and special powers at each other, blowing things to pieces quite nicely and generating some nice flow here and there between the action scenes, but those looking for more serious entertainment will be bothered by the endless chase scenes that go on far too long, the plot-freezing songs done by the Elias and no shortage of inane plot-points that make the kids the heros and flawed effects for both Mothra (the color redesign looks cool, but the movements suffer terribly or not at all) leaving this one in the middle.

Rebirth of Mothra II-As a series of strange pollutant-born creatures ravage the Japanese coastlines, the Elias fairies turn to a group of school-children who found a strange creature from a sunken continent to assist Mothra in her battle with the civilization's gigantic monster guardian responsible for the situation. Again, every bit the kiddie film as the first one in terms of the image given off by the film, only this one is just a little bit better. It might be due to the fact that the main monster gets a city rampage sequence the first one lacked, more energy rays being thrown about in the battles, or possibly due to the heavier slide into fantasy here with a more full-on and involving plot than the first one, though again pretty much the same flaws could be said here as well. The creature attacks are pretty flawed and filled with tons of logic lapses, the singing (though toned down) still stops the film cold, and the monster effects still come off as flawed. A bit more enjoyable, but still pretty flawed.

Rebirth of Mothra III-When a new, more powerful version of King Ghidora appears in Japan and lays waste to Mothra, the Elias use their powers to send her back in time to defeat a younger version of the same beast which killed off the dinosaurs before it uses the children of the world as energy to overtake the planet. Easily the best of the whole bunch, with the majority of the major problems beforehand gone and only a couple of storyline issues dropping this one down. It makes a lot less sense than the others, and the fact that the main fight is in the prehistoric era and not at the end of the movie is a huge mistake, ending the film on a down-beat rather than being uplifting like the others. Still, all that pales in comparison to the greatest King Ghidora since the original, as impressive as it's ever looked (design and film effects execution wise) and steals every scene he's in easily. Plus, with some good fighting going on, it has a chance for more of the energy-ray battles that fill the screen with a ton of pyrotechnics and fantasy-battling, keeping this one the most quickly-paced of the series and making for a fun time all around.