Just Watched Movie (2011)

[slayrrr666]

The Maze-A group of friends entering a giant corn maze after-hours run afoul of a strange, silent killer hunting them down one-by-one, forcing them to deal with the madman in a desperate attempt to get out alive. Kinda torn on this one, as on one hand it's got a rather large amount of atmosphere from the corn maze, the stalking within is really creepy and some of the scenes are pretty memorable, but the killer is an absolute joke that no one in their right mind would ever run from, his methods of attack are uninspired and leave a lot to the imagination in terms of unleashed gore and bloodshed, and the last twenty minutes are just plain annoying. Pure definition of mediocre.

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Sasquatch-A rescue expedition in the Pacific Northwest comes across a savage Bigfoot-like creature stalking the party and taking them out one-by-one, forcing them to battle the creature in order to make it out alive. Not really much in the way of action, as it tends to back-end it's kills in the final third and spend the first two-thirds wandering around the woods in the area. It looks nice and lends a rather nice atmospheric touch, but the lack of Bigfoot action makes it really hard to get into this section, especially with the focus on acting. The stalking scenes in the later half are half-way decent and the final brawl is pretty interesting, but again, this one could've been much better.

The Hollow-A young teen finds that his return to a small town has reawakened the Headless Horseman who begins a brutal rampage across the town, forcing him and his friends to band together to fight off the being in order to save the town. Rather tame slasher effort, not really all that gruesome but far more violent than it should be for an original TV feature with a couple moderately entertaining deaths along the way, and with some rather suspenseful stalking as well, it's certainly not all that bad in that regard, but really the extreme brevity of this one, coupled with some rather lame connections that bring up family connections into the fray make for some really problematic areas. Not bad, but it really could've been better.

The Crying Child-A mother who hears a baby crying in her new house after just losing hers is driven insane by the situation, and comes to find that their new house was the site of a similar situation hundreds of years earlier and must stop the ghost from getting loose. Predictable, cliched and happens exactly the way all the others have, which loses some points because we all know what's going to happen along the way, and the Lifetime original nature of the situation doesn't help, but it's action scenes are still fun and it's got a good mystery, so this one is certainly watchable. Just could've used a little bit more ferocity and evilness in it's stride.

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Live Animals-A group of friends find themselves kidnapped and sold into a White Slave Trader's grasp, and endure tons of torture at his hand preparing them for their future before they get tired of the situation and fight back in order to escape from their predicament. Absolutely horrendous affair, molded in the Saw/Hostel tag where nothing at all happens except for a few brief encounters here and there that result in massive bloody wounds that makes it think it's brutal and gory when it actually isn't. Filled with nonsensical plot-twists and shocks that make it meander on far longer than it has any right to do so, an absolutely unbearably boring opening and more make this one just absolutely crap to sit through. The premise has some merit and makes for a pretty gruesome offering, but the tremendous flaws don't help it at all.

[Bartwald]

Joe Dante's "The Hole" - and it's actually a pretty good horror flick. But, y'know, for kids. And still - it made me jump several times, too.

[slayrrr666]

TC 2000-A policeman in the future teams up with a respected underground fighter to stop the corrupt Police Chief who has aligned himself with the city's top criminal to re-start society using his murdered partner now reanimated as a cyborg for protection. As you can clearly tell, this one has a lot going on for it and is probably way too smart for it's own cheesy nature, coming off with a story it's small roots really can't handle since it tends to bounce itself around a lot concerning all the different plotlines it has to work in, but frankly, in a movie like this, it's more about the kung-fu, which is it's best aspect. Featuring four of the best C-list actors in the genre and breaking into a fight every ten minutes (not an exaggeration, it really does), this one tends to never really get dull or boring, just confusing once the fighting stops so that the plot can be uncovered. Highly enjoyable if you like this stuff, but it could've used some simplifying in the plot department.

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The Legend of Hell House-A group of paranormal hunters assigned to investigate a supposedly haunted house come across a series of unexplainable events and occurrences that force them to believe in the supernatural evil residing in the area and make a race to get out before they're consumed in the house. A normal, traditional British horror film from the mid-70s, meaning that it's so slow-paced and devoid of energy that it becomes a real burden at times to get through, especially in the middle when it's basing it's scares on plot-happenings and circumstances rather than action, and those never work out at all. Has some good moments that are really good, but it really needs some adrenaline in order to make it more worthwhile.

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Legion of the Dead-The discovery of an Egyptian burial chamber in the California desert results in the resurrection of a female mummy who begins a rampage of terror across the area for the blood required to raise her legions of disciples buried with her and seek the immortality she originally perished for. An immensely cheesy yet utterly enjoyable Mummy film, really making for some real fun during it's time as it has a lot of action going on, from the mummy's resurrection sequence to the seduction and destruction of the group as well as the rather great kills during it's time that put more gore than expected into this. Add together with tons of nudity and some rather gruesome Mummy make-up and it's got plenty to enjoy, even if the plot is a little hard-to-swallow and tends to run into cliches more often than not.

Project Shadowchaser 2-A group of terrorists looking to take over a military base use a cybernetic android to complete the process, forcing a survivor to fight back before the whole base is leveled in retaliation. A fairly enjoyable low-budget actioner, not really showcasing any real flaws but just managing to feature some really lousy fighting scenes in here since it's known that the participants are better than how they come off in here, making the whole thing a bit unnerving. Still, the shoot-outs and chases are a lot of fun and it does have some pretty impressive scenes throughout that make this one far more enjoyable than it should be. Just a shame about the fights.

American Samurai-A reporter and a martial artist enter an illegal underground fighting ring to recover a stolen sword his adoptive brother has stolen and used as the prize to be awarded at the end of the tournament. Far more plot than there needs to be in such films, and with the first part of this pretty much occupied by setting that up, not a whole lot happens here of any interest. During the finale, though, we get a solid if far too hokey Bloodsport-lite martial arts tournament that really makes this one really enjoyable. You've seen this done in far better movies with far better fighters, but it serves it's purpose and doesn't feel like a drag that the first half does.

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Maneater-A troubled policeman and his teenage daughter find that the rash of mysterious deaths in the small town they live to move on from a personal tragedy is caused by a marauding Indian spirit and race to stop it before it consumes more from the town. Actually a lot better than what it sounds like, though there's still some flaws in here, mainly in the quick-cut editing that keeps the action really hard to make out and a lot of problems with the story. From keeping the father/daughter interactions more rooted in a Lifetime drama to basically shoe-horning the monster in the finale for a brief, barely-worthwhile encounter as well as keeping them off-screen and really mysterious as far as their behavior and motivations are concerned, but it's all made up for with a fantastic creature when we see it, tons of gore and lots of nudity, as well as a really worthwhile tactic of keeping their appearances limited to emerging from fog-shrouded treelines, so it's attacks have some atmosphere to work with. Far, far better than it should be, but still with some flaws.

[Fenril]

- Yeelen. Already mentioned it in the "African / South African horror" thread. A Mali film that adapts a traditional Yoruba legend having to do with the duel between two powerful sorcerers. Beautiful dark fantasy and a good example of a type of filmmaking that doesn't need complex special effects to be visually impressive. I only wish the Kino DVD included a little more material on the mythology or the rest of the director's works (Souleymanne Cissé, one of Africa's top directors).

- The king's speech. Dramatization of King George VI's speech impediment and the unorthodox speech coast who cures him of it. As you can expect with most Oscar winners, it's a correctly made yet entirely harmless affair --by that I mean that it's well acted, directed, written, etc., but that there is nothing provocative or passionate in it. More a professional product than a work of love, is all I'm saying...

- Burnt offerings. Quite underrated haunted house film with a twist; this represents 70's horror filmmaking at its best: lots of atmosphere, a slowly moving plot that culminates in an admirably downbeat climax, fine actors (including Karen Black and Bette Davis), an always interesting director (Dan Curtis, of the original Kolchak films and the tv series Dark Shadows)...

[slayrrr666]

I've never really cared for Burnt Offerings at all, that pacing issue is far more detrimental than anything and really robs the film at any attempt at suspense when you're waiting around forever for the next supposed scare, which I also found quite lacking. Never cared at all for that one really.

The Killing Machine-A former KGB assassin finds his past come back to haunt him and his family when his final order turns out to be a set-up for his own hit and goes out to both finish his original task and protect his family. Dolph Lundgren's newest actioner, though it relies far more on shoot-outs than anything else, manages to stay pretty interesting throughout as the plot manages to go into full drive, yet the fact that the action scenes are really tame compared to what he used to do come out fairly regularly. The pacing is great since it manages to contain a gunfight pretty much every ten minutes, but there's no real stand-out moments, stunt or marksmanship displayed and seems to rely more on the powers of the script to showcase his talents above anything found on-screen.

Shanghai Affair-A doctor working in Shanghai gets dragged into a brutal war with a vicious gang of axe-wielders involved in a turf with with the residents, yet when he gets romantically involved with the leader's sister, he finds it harder to stay out. Way, way too much plot than necessary which really drags the film out and also throws in the boring romance angle that really keeps the pace down while also being totally unnecessary in the film, but man when this thing got going with it's fighting did it make up for it. Donnie Yen has never looked better, the moves are as fast and vicious as any before and the choreography required to perform many of the intricate axe fights are just jaw-dropping. Needed more of this, despite it being more than ably served with them, but again, more would've been great.

[slayrrr666]

Sorority Row-A group of sorority sisters find themselves the target of a maniacal killer in retaliation for their involvement in a prank gone wrong on one of their friends and must survive the attacks before they're all killed off. A lot better than initially expected, as it appears as a glossy-looking, safe slasher that intends to tease rather than deliver (ably demonstrated by the rather low amount of nudity and sleaze offered despite their being not only one but two drunken college parties and more opportunities spread throughout the running time that would've been nice to show off a little more than it did) but also applying to the gore as well with it's rather lame-looking CGI bloodspurts that aren't nearly as much as what would've been unleashed had the kill actually gone down as it should've, yet the stalking in here is rather good, the finale chasing has plenty of action and a nice recurrence of the old burning-down-the-house spirit so common in the Corman/Poe classics and a rather novel killer identity revelation that works really well. Could've been a lot better, but it's still really good as is.

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Fright Night Part 2-When young Charley begins to suspect that his mysterious new neighbors are the clan left behind following their previous encounter, he and Peter reunite to take them out before they can exact their revenge. A bit cheesier than Part 1, either a sign of the fact that this one really had no point in being made or just the nature of the genre at the time, but again, the clashing tone is really off-putting and makes little sense, as does the replication of what's going on like in the first part, and coupled with the fact that there's a lot more investigation here than in the first one, it's a lot slower and really drags itself out far more than necessary, especially with the lower amount of confrontations which are a sad sight, but there is enough attempts at suspense that there's some fun there, the brawls are quite good and the vampire make-up looks really good. A true middle-of-the-road affair.

House of Flying Daggers-A royal guard breaks a female assassin out of jail following a botched hit in order to infiltrate her rebel group and disband it, but when a budding romance between the two develops, he becomes a lot more hesitant about undertaking his assignment. Again, a top-notch kung-fu film is spoiled by the utterly overbearing and quite hokey romance angle, because it's just not needed in such a film where the intent is to showcase the physical prowess of the fighters far more readily. As well, because of its intentions to follow up on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the utterly irritating ability to make it look respectable and above its target audience is a little old and really off-putting, but again, like that film, once we get to the fights it's all forgiven since this one is pretty much again a series of non-stop fights, confrontations and brawls that are just a joy to watch, both in concept and execution. A lot of fun, but still flawed.

[slayrrr666]

The Wolf Man-While returning home to check on his recently-deceased long-lost brother, a man falls victim to a savage curse passed on by an animal attack and starts to roam the countryside hunting for prey before the authorities can stop him. This was a whole lot of fun and quite easily makes the leap right up to the top of the remake pack as far as I'm concerned, once again topping the original in pretty much every way except for laying out the ground rules of the genre that were pure BS to begin with so I don't mind. Fantastic looking werewolf design, glorious Gothic imagery that makes this one uber-suspenseful, tons of action, lots of gore and a fantastic finale that are just a ton of fun. The display of the newfound powers was a little weak and not that scary so it tends to meander along until it's time to unleash the beast, but it's a minor quibble.

Asylum-New students at a college dorm learn that they are in the same building as a homicidal doctor years ago who brutally tortured his patients and that they have released him to prey upon their friends, forcing them to stop his deadly rampage. A lot better than you would expect, mainly due to the fact that it manages to do several things in the plot early on that helped me immensely: they got the legend about the building's backstory out less than twenty minutes in, they're investigating the phenomenon by the half-hour mark and the ghost doctor is unleashed not long after that and it spends the rest of the time dolling out the punishments for the residents, so it's a really fast-paced film which speaks to me very highly and coupled with some really freaky set-ups, a bit of gore and a fun finale really helped it, despite the killer being way too much like Freddy which lowered it slightly.

Buried Alive-A group of friends journey to a secluded house in the desert as part of a sorority initiation activity but awaken the murderous spirit of an ancestor that is seeking out a way of revenge against her treatment and tries to stop their rampage before they're all killed off. Not that bad at all, though in order to deal with such a flimsy plot, more time than what is usually the case is spent on the set-up of the group at the house and how they're interacting with each other, so this one has a long time without a whole lot of ghostly dealings despite those early haunting scenes being quite creepy. Once it gets going, it has a ton of good stuff to it, but it does take a while to get there.

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I Am Omega-A lone fighter dealing with a planet overrun by zombies after an apocalypse tries to safe-guard the last hope for humanity from the ravenous creatures and other parties interested in using it for their own means. Yeah, this is a pretty easy rip on I Am Legend, but it's still not all that hard to have fun with it. Quite possibly the best-looking American zombies ever done in terms of looks, lots of gore and plenty of action and cheese, which is always a good time, though it still has some flaws in that it's really boring when it shows him just going through his daily routines since he's supposedly the last one left in the world and he has to fill his day someway, it's just not that entertaining. Plus, considering who's in the lead, longer confrontations with the creatures would've been nice since they're a blink-and-you-miss them variety, but it's still got enough to be enjoyable.

[slayrrr666]

Four Dragons-Four martial arts champions are brought together to defeat the brutal overlorde of a small village, but when the task is tougher than initially expected, they join together with an elder trainer to prepare for the final showdown. Tough one to call, as it was pretty much split between stuff that's really good and some pretty aggravating moments. All the fighting scenes are at the top of the good list, as this one has some impressive scenes, mixing together one-on-one brawls with one of the champions or several battling a series of guards in huge battles, which are a lot of fun and make for some good times as they all move and look good, another big plus. The flaws come to the fore-front in the sense of it's irritating ability to have a geyser (for lack of better word) shoot across the screen in utterly abysmal-looking CGI pixel-ness at the mere touch from an opponent, so a chop to the waist results in a release of blood-splatter the size of which would be unleashed in an impaling with a chainsaw and it looks really bad. A washed-out, grainy look doesn't help much, but it's still got enough to be recommended.

Lethal Combat-A video game designer accidentally unleashes the villains from his martial arts game into the real world, forcing a cop to leave her war against a drug lord to team up with the heroes of the game to stop them. Now, if you were to find a flaw in this, I pretty much just posted it as there's no way something this goofy and complicated could ever be taken seriously, much less be this scattershot and all-over-the-place since it winds through all these different points when a much-more streamlined affair could've been attained without loosing what is essentially the point of the whole thing, to provide as many spirited kung-fu fights as possible in the service of the story. Managing to mix in a futuristic society complete with laser guns, fire-spitting clubs and much more, this one just becomes such a cheesy good time with an impressive collection of fighters duking it out amidst a sea of laser blasts, explosions and more that you forget the stupid plot. Just a good time all around.