Just Watched Movie (2011)

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Dead Tone-After playing a harmless prank phone call that ends up unknowingly contacting a serial killer, a group of friends at a remote mansion try to survive from the killer's vicious wrath. A fairly enjoyable, if routine, slasher effort that manages to come with a pretty fair amount of pluses and negatives. The kills are brutal, but come off as familiar and repetitive while the total quantity could've been upped significantly as there's not a lot total in here, the killer's pretty frightening yet doesn't really have any motive at all, and the prank phone call game they play is just utterly retarded and serves very little point of interest as to why it's something that goes over as such a hit with the crowd nor why it's something they play to begin with. As usual, the crowd of friends grate on the nerves very easily, yet that makes the brutal kills all the more fun, and once the killer shows up at the house the stalking in the large Gothic mansion becomes incredibly fun. Pretty even throughout, and becomes downright decent overall.

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Haunting Desires-Stumbled across this one accidentally in my collection (I had planned on something else to watch) but instead was a little surprised to find I had taped this softcore porn about a woman investigating a death that leads back to a nightclub used by a group of vampires as cover for their victims. Not the first time I've seen one of these kinds of films so it's not really much of a shocker to watch this, though it certainly would've helped if the women were at the least attractive (the only one that was really the least bit sexy had the shortest role as a hooker in one brief scene, and the one who gets naked the most has the body of a 10-year-old boy with a boy-ish hairstyle as well) so that really works against this one. It could've worked nicely as a straight horror though as there's something about the set-up in the nightclub and how it's worked, just the sex is a little more extreme than normal yet still easily in the realm of Softcore so it's not all that bad of an entry. There's certainly worse ones out there of this kind.

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The Mummy's Kiss: The 2nd Dynasty-After learning of the healing powers of an ancient Egyptian goddess, a museum employee awakens a murderous mummy to capture others to carry out the specific ceremony, leading a reporter to stop her before she carries out her plans. Yet another 'Adult' film, though this one actually manages more of a horror feel throughout the running time due to the fact of the mummy running around and the different play with the Egyptian gods. However, this time around the porno aspects are a lot more impressive, as the women are attractive, the sex is pretty hot and frequent and it's a lot more interesting due to the constant inclusion of the ceremonial rites requiring all the nudity. It's pretty cheap-looking, though, as the Mummy doesn't really do anything beyond abducting them so we don't get any real horror elements beyond it's appearance, but it's still a pretty decent watch.

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Giallo-When her sister goes missing, a woman and a detective team up to find her and realize she's part of the latest round of victims by a deranged serial killer and race to get her back before he eventually kills her. This was just an abysmal effort that really has nothing going for it at all. Normally an area right up his alley, he decides to exclude the killer's previous rampage that's only alluded to in the dialogue rather than showcase it visually, meaning it's all crime-scene photos of what happened with him looking on in disgust at them, and the one flashback to a previous victim that could've lifted it out of it's potential to shine is hazy, stutters and just falls flat on it's face. The motive for the killer is so lame it's hard to believe anyone would launch a massive campaign of violence using that as a reason, he's not threatening in the slightest and really does nothing to generate any fear beyond abducting a person, while the one brief torture scene is so fake it comes off as amateurish and totally unconvincing, yet another area where he normally shines bright in here. The fact that it's a cop thriller rather than a slasher clearly shows he's lost his touch and really ought to retire since this one was flat-out terrible.

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AVH: Alien vs. Hunter-When a spaceship crashes in their small town, a group of residents try to evade the extraterrestrial killer and his intergalactic hunter trying to bring him to justice before he kills off the whole town. Not a whole lot here that's actually worthwhile, as this one had a lot of problems. One of the major ones is that it's supposedly big action scenes are just so badly-shot and look so off that it's nearly impossible to determine what's going on during the scene, which is when you want to know what's going on since it's the big action scenes against the alien. Even worse, character justification is completely moronic and mind-numbing what with all the conferences and meetings they hold to determine a course of action that end up taking away time for the big battles, what little one there is since the two featured combatants are never in the same place, making for a real let-down of a fight between them. Still, the main alien when it's on-screen looks really neat and several scenes get quite bloody, especially in the underground sewers, but overall this was just a mess.

Morlocks-After opening a wormhole into the future, a scientific research team and a military cover try to provide security against a swarm of ravenous creatures that have escaped from the future into the present time. This one definitely has it's moments, namely from the fact that the creatures here are definitely quite vicious and generate some brutal kills for their part, leading to a lot of blood-splatter throughout. The showdown in the lab finale also generates some really intriguing action shootouts due to the overwhelming swarm of creatures appearing and the attempts to take them out, though there is some problems in the fact that there's a little too much CGI in here, as the creatures, bloodshed and various high-tech weaponry are all rather poorly animated and the quantity gets distracting. Also, the technobabble about time-travel and wormholes, with all that scientific jargon, gets confusing after awhile since it doesn't seem to provide any clues as to what's going on and doesn't really help the film out, though this is certainly far from the worst that they've provided.

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead-While on route to a prisoner transfer, a group of thugs and police officers find themselves stranded in the woods with a cannibalistic mutant that's trying to kill them off one-by-one and must try to survive against the relentless killer. There was a lot to really like in this one, as it's quite possibly the best of the series. The gore here is simply off-the-charts, even with a low body count there's just a ton of bloodshed in here from the kills we do get and it's just a blast to watch. With some really great suspenseful stalking with the storyline gag of having the criminals chained together so they can't make an escape and are forced through the area to escape knowing there's a killer in the area makes for a good time, the car chase to force them into the predicament is a lot of fun and the finale is some incredibly enjoyable action movie brawling. Still, there's the major flaw in the fact that it's, for the most part, just one mutant battling everyone instead of a family like the others and the prisoners do get irksome after a while since they don't do anything but point guns at each other, but this was still a great time.

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Hatchet II-After escaping from the rampage the night before, the lone survivor of a serial killer's rampage finds herself involved in a rescue effort suffering from the same fate in the swamps. Not nearly as impressive as the first one, which would've been a miracle in and of itself, but this is still a hugely entertaining and enjoyable slasher. Again, the ultra-high amount of gore here is the best feature as the kills are just over-the-top, brutal and just plain bloodsoaked goodness, really dripping with the red stuff and really just a blast. There's still a creepy swamp to use as the main location and with the rather frenetic last-half filled with carnage, this one gets to the end really quickly and makes for a fun time. There's some problems, though, mainly in the fact that this one's beginning is wasted with far too lengthy and cliched a backstory for the killer, which really puts the slaughter a bit too late into the film, leaving it's good stuff all at the end before it gets fun. Also, the film seems purposefully set-up to deliver the gore, never once appearing natural or logical in practicality and thus really stand-out for the wrong reasons. Otherwise, this one was a lot of fun.

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Summer School-Forced to stay at school during the summer, a student finds himself constantly living out horrific nightmares only to appear back in class each time as though nothing happened, and tries to find a way of ending the cycle. Pretty hard to get a handle on until you realize that this is just a never-ending series of nightmares, where waking up in one puts you square in the middle of the next one which presents some problems in the fact that there's just not a lot beyond that to make this interesting and you have to rely on the creepiness of the dreams to really gather any kind of satisfaction out of the film. Granted, some of the dream segments do get pretty interesting, but the brevity and the constant knowing that it's all a dream makes it really hard to get into what's going on. A novel idea and much more ingenious than a normal anthology film, but it's design gives it it's own undoing.

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Machete-After getting set-up for a political assassination, a former federal agent and a current immigration worker team up to take down the criminal syndicate that initially left him for dead years ago that are planning to change the drug-trafficking trade. I'm having one of my infamous left-brain/right-brain moments here. My right brain looks at all the extreme, bloody gore, tons of shootouts and things blowing up and the total sense of fun this provides on a nearly constant basis, while my left brain has a hard time with the plot, especially the way the film unfurls in the beginning. First he's left for dead, which is ignored then gets set-up later on and uses that as inspiration to seek revenge. Seems like they missed a segment of the movie or found a gratuitous way to add more gore to the film so if it's the first result, I find a flaw with it while if it's the second, I have no problems with that. Still, far too heavy-handed messaging in a throwaway action flick for my tastes so that will knock it down regardless of the opening problems, but still just an awesome amount of fun.

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- La science des rêves (AKA The science of Sleep). French production concerning a young Mexican man moving in with his mother in Paris, trying to find some excitement in his stifling office job and starting a relationship with the girl next door. But his vivid dreams and his inability to distinguish them from real life might just get in the way.

Marvelously creative drama from the director of "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" and "Be kind, rewind", fine performances here and a clever way to illustrate the dream segments. Recommended.

- ¡Vampiros en La Habana! (aka Vampires in Havana!). Trumpet player Johann (better known in his adoptive Cuba as simply "Pepito") tries to juggle his girlfriend, a political assassination, the revelation that he's a descendant of Count Dracula himself, the police and two vampire clans out for his blood...

Re-watched this wonderful Cuban animated film that manages to be funny and engaging despite a fairly limited budget --good scripts can do wonders like that. Trasplants classic horror tropes to a Latinoamerican comedy with good results. Very recommended.

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Altitude-While flying to a concert in a small plane, a group of friends find themselves trapped in a nightmarish scenario that slowly kills them one-by-one and try to find a way to survive before the deadly creature finishes them off. This was a pretty hard one to get a handle on as initially this one started out like a pretty boring entry with the uber-annoying jerks whining and complaining about anything and everything despite the fact that these are supposed to be friends that you see in some many of these kinds of films and then it actually comes together somewhat when it gets to the repeated attacks in the situation with the ominous stormclouds makes for something interesting to happen, yet overall, that really doesn't do much to quell the beyond-ridiculous stupidity, senseless action and just plain gaps in logic that this one throws out. That's before it gets to the last ten minutes, which are so absurd it ends the film on such a sour note it's impossible to really like this one more, which is a shame since there's a lot of potential for something fun to happen here.

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Isolation-When a group of agents come to a small Irish farm to check on the progress of a special biological experiment on the cows, they find it's mutated into a voracious parasite and is hunting them down, forcing them to fight off the creatures before they can escape the area. This one turned out pretty enjoyable actually, managing to overcome an incredibly slow-going opening and coming up with such a strong later half that it's a very enjoyable effort. With the inclusion of the parasite, it allows for a lot of good goopy, gory effects-style scenes to come through, making the chases feel all the better and more intense, especially in the quarantined farmhouse which provides some rather nice areas for the creature to hide and attack it's prey. It's build-up isn't the best, but it does enough to stay interesting with such few characters it does have, which provides all the best parts when it gets to kill them off. There are some problems here, mainly in the fact that the science used is incredibly dubious and doesn't make a lick of sense, especially when it comes time to answer the obvious questions that are going to be asked, and as mentioned it does take a while to get going, but overall this one was pretty enjoyable.

Doghouse-When a group of friends decide to take a trip to a small town to help a friend get over a divorce, they find the area overrun by women mutated by a virus into ravenous cannibals and must try to escape from the town in one-piece. Again, a modern British horror effort that provides plenty of action and stuff happening that it's almost impossible not to be grossly entertained by what's going on. The film is a non-stop effort packed with tons of confrontations with the women, which is what's so much fun due to the fact that it never slows up and continually dishes out gory deaths, big action confrontations and tons of fun. With the deformed women also giving it some more fun to be had with their grotesque appearances and the comic-ness of dealing with them gives it some extra oomph. The film's biggest problem is the abundance of misogynistic actions undertaken here, mainly from how they're presented in the beginning which are supposed to be the heroes of the film, yet none of them are really interesting enough to care what happens to them. That's really the only thing wrong with this one.

My Bloody Valentine-Years after a tragedy, a troubled man returns to a small mining town that finds itself victim to a copycat murderer killing off the residents and forcing the local sheriff to stop the killings before it targets him and his family. Certainly not the best remake in the current generation, it's not even the best slasher remake, but it certainly has it's fun moments. The gore here is certainly the best part, as the killings are all rather well-done and brutal if missing a bit of variety (as fun as it is to watch a pickaxe implanted into every orifice imaginable, it needed a couple extra bits done by a different weapon or tactic so that it doesn't feel like it's the same thing done again and again) and the splatter makes for some fun times. Several stalking scenes worked incredibly well and definitely got some nice tension, and the full-on nudity is another extremely welcome plus. The problem here is the fact that it tries way too hard to homage the original (I'm looking straight at the dead body in the washing machine and the dropped overalls from which the killer emerges to slash at a victim here) as well as the part with the valentine's hearts, and overall it really didn't do much to tie itself into it's title (a problem with the original but it's far less noticeable there as it was here) coming off forced rather than a natural part of the story. As usual, the 3D and especially the CGI look atrocious and just plain poorly done and quite obvious, making for a distraction rather than an enhancement of the scene. Overall, though, it's not too bad.

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Ghost Machine-When a group of military advisors sneak into an abandoned prison to test an experimental virtual reality combat simulator, they find a vengeful ghost has infiltrated the software looking for revenge and must stop it before they become victims of its wrath. A pretty enjoyable effort that has some pretty decent things about it and a lot more than would be expected for such a film. The atmosphere here is incredibly well-done, using an abandoned prison which is filled with disused equipment, dust-covered surfaces and long, dark hallways which are nicely done to maximize the creepy factor, and once the ghost gets involved it's got a lot more to like about it there. The backstory here and generally original feel of the plot make for a good time, and the film never really lags so it's got some pretty decent action to keep it interesting. The main problem here is the film's rather tame kills, which while dished out in the virtual world allow the CGI gore to be truthful and realistic, aren't used for the main characters at all and leave their deaths feeling rather shallow. The other problem here is the final half, which is totally out-of-place, missing a lot of the impact they should've had considering storyline developments and really missing what could've been a great punch to what's going on, mainly through the writing which leaves motives totally lifeless, shallow and the ending as a whole pretty weak. Otherwise, this one wasn't all that bad.

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Paintball-While undertaking a paintball game, a team of players finds itself under attack by a maniacal killer intent on turning the game into a bloodbath and must try to survive against the madman in order to leave the game alive. What initially could've been a real drag-out effort instead turns into a really disappointing and barely worthwhile effort that contains only a few scant plusses. One of the main problems here is the fact that the kills here are some of the lamest ever devised for a horror film, either tending to be gunshots from extreme range or more traditional-feeling kills but done through the electronic visor of the killer, reducing them to a CG-style image that appears to be a mix between night-vision and infrared style with the tones and appearance used, resulting in bloodless kills that are impossible to make out, a double whammy. The twist with the killer is fairly novel but lacks a lot of class and doesn't really go anywhere with it, keeping a lot hidden and not exploring a potentially good idea to it's fullest. The stalking at the end is fantastic, though, and it really delivers a lot of really good paintball shoot-'em-up action to get things rolling, but the flaws are just too present and overbearing to overcome.

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Jack the Ripper-During a rash of brutal murders, a Scotland Yard inspector asks a visiting American detective for help in quelling the public hysteria while the psycho remains at large and continues his rampage. This one here turned out to be a pretty uneven affair with some good and bad parts. one of the main problems with this one is the fact that instead of focusing on the savage killing and stalking, it concentrate more on the police investigation and them dealing with the locals, and that in turn leads to this one having a lot of scenes where the two policemen are either investigating a crime scene or breaking up a local mob brought on by the inability to catch the killer, which isn't all that fun. Also of note is the fact that it really doesn't focus on the investigation at all, tending to introduce them after the fact, not do much of anything there and show up elsewhere only to scoff and sneer at the locals for the lack of action in solving the crimes, leaving a lot of time to the women targets living their normal lives. when it does get to some good stuff, it's rather enjoyable with admittedly-brutal stalking scenes for the time-period, resulting in some pretty tense sequences. From the opening walk-through of the foggy streets all the way to the stalking of the dancer once she realizes her suitor's true intentions, it has a couple that make for a good time and the finale is also a lot of fun with a good bit of action and a fun resolution, making it the best part of the film. Overall, this one turned out pretty decent but disappointing.

It! The Terror from Beyond Space-While returning to Earth after a mission to Mars, the crew finds themselves with a bloodthirsty stowaway onboard and try to battle off the deadly creature before it can escape when they land back on Earth. An enjoyably cheep, cheesy monster movie that really has no business being as good as it is but still contains so much good stuff that it overcomes it's few limitations. The pace here is the best part, which is just nonstop and relentless, with the creature appearing in the first ten minutes of time and stays on-screen for pretty much the remainder of the time, leaving it to focus on dealing with and containing the creature before they're all taken out, and those scenes don't disappoint with tons of high-energy action, clueless 50's sci-fi that makes no sense or appeals to logic and is just a lot of fun. Add in a great monster costume and a rather brief running time and this one is a really entertaining effort.

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Nine Dead-Nine strangers find themselves locked in a strange room where a masked madman will kill one person every ten minutes they fail to figure out the reason why they're together. An out-and-out thriller instead of a horror film, which isn't interesting in the slightest to me as well as the fact that the film's main ploy mandates that the film be solely about yakking with each other, and while that can be interesting if that leads anywhere, here the fact that the main reason they're together becomes incredibly lamer and lamer the more it's revealed doesn't do the film any favors. There's also an incredibly lame habit of yelling and arguing with each other about what's going on, only to interject an excuse to get back to the main plot when it's convenient, giving it an oddly disjointed rhythm that doesn't sustain itself over time. That the killer doesn't resort to any horror film tactics and instead shoots them doesn't make for any better, leaving this one really only for the most undemanding thriller aficionados.