Post by The Butcher on Nov 21, 2005 7:41:52 GMT -5
**This review contains Spoilers**
House of Wax is a film that I missed seeing in the theatres. Yes, I was inconsolable. However, fast forward to six months later when a friend of mine comes over to my place and says, “Hey boner buddy, guess what I won on Rock 101 today? The House of Wax DVD.” At this point my knees weaken. I can almost smell the wax as he reaches into the inner pocket of his pea coat. By the time I gather all my candles for the viewing, the DVD is in the player and we are ready to rock like Angus Young in 1982.
House of Wax opens in 1974. We see a mother and father trying to have a nice, peaceful, sit down breakfast. It appears that these unfortunate parents have two children around the same age. One is sitting quietly eating his Cheerios while the other is completely spazing out; so much so that the parents need to strap him down to the high chair using belt buckles. The kid is kicking and screaming while his father slaps him again and again, all the while shouting, “Why can’t you be good like your brother?” This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that proper parenting should include a healthy dose of restraints and beatings.
Cut to present day. Yeah, I’ll have one cheeseburger, a large fry and two super hot chicks please. Elisha Cuthbert and Paris Hilton make House of Wax a pleasure to watch. I haven’t been this happy with casting choices since Jessica Biel in the Chainsaw Massacre remake. I sit on the edge of my seat, wishing the crazy wax man would slice a large chunk out of Elisha’s shirt, introducing a fifth character, her stomach. Remember George pulled that same move on Portman in Attack of the Clones? Unfortunately my wish did not come true. We do get a panty scene thought and Paris performs her patented strip tease. I know, I know…. What about the ladies in the audience? Don’t fret little ones; you have the strong, sexy shirtless Chad Michael Murray. He was actually really good as the angry Nick Jones, Elisha’s brother in the film. He was so good that I bought an autographed poster for the back of my bedroom door. Don’t judge me…
On the DVD cover box, one of the critic quotes mentions that the film is sexy and they couldn’t be more right. Not only are the girls sexy but the entire concept is as well. You have this minuscule town which is not even on a map where a psychopathic maniac spends his days building statues and other miscellaneous objects out of wax. The actual house of wax is really cool, with everything from the books to the walls to the structure of the house itself being made of wax. The faces of the wax figures were phenomenal and the whole idea that they were once living, breathing creatures is real creepy. I wish I could hire this guy to transform my ex girlfriends into wax statues… Well, not the fat ones…
What impressed me most about House of Wax was the sheer violence in the film. It’s slow going at first but once the mood and characters are set and the house has been penetrated, all hell breaks loose. By the way, hell carries two carving knives, wears a wax mask and enjoys dragging his victims back to his boiler room for a wax party. There is a moment in the film where Wax Face lays the unfortunate soul on his examining table, drugs him, cleans and stitches up his wounds, waxes his face, then places his naked body in the Iron Maiden. The torture device, not the band. You can stop playing air guitar now… One of the things that I love in films such as House of Wax is the killer’s use of old surgical equipment and odd, machinery - especially machinery that covers most of the face.
Again, the violence in this movie is awesome. There is moment in the film when one character is bashing another character in the face with a baseball bat. I thought to myself, there is no way they are going to show the bat hit the face. Sure enough, they do and not once but about six times. The guys face was a pile of mashed potatoes. Two wax covered thumbs up! I also want to go on record saying that Paris Hilton has one of the best death sequences I have ever seen. It was most excellent. Oh, don’t get all pissy because I gave that away. If you thought there was even a 0.3% chance she was going to survive the one hundred and thirteen minutes of horror then you don’t even deserve to be here. Now go away!
Overall, House of Wax kicks total ass and is definitely my favorite film from Dark Castle Entertainment so far. I thought the girls were unbelievably sexy, the villain was creepy and intense, the set design was unique, the special effects were awesome and most of all, the directing from Jaume Collet-Serra was great. House of Wax is just my cup of tea. It is so refreshing to see an R rated horror film that holds nothing back. I am really surprised they got away with an R rating. Some of you will find moments to bicker about but what can you do? It’s a horror movie! I am going to buy my own copy of the DVD this weekend. Yes, I recommend House of Wax - especially for children between the ages of seven and eleven.
House of Wax is a film that I missed seeing in the theatres. Yes, I was inconsolable. However, fast forward to six months later when a friend of mine comes over to my place and says, “Hey boner buddy, guess what I won on Rock 101 today? The House of Wax DVD.” At this point my knees weaken. I can almost smell the wax as he reaches into the inner pocket of his pea coat. By the time I gather all my candles for the viewing, the DVD is in the player and we are ready to rock like Angus Young in 1982.
House of Wax opens in 1974. We see a mother and father trying to have a nice, peaceful, sit down breakfast. It appears that these unfortunate parents have two children around the same age. One is sitting quietly eating his Cheerios while the other is completely spazing out; so much so that the parents need to strap him down to the high chair using belt buckles. The kid is kicking and screaming while his father slaps him again and again, all the while shouting, “Why can’t you be good like your brother?” This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that proper parenting should include a healthy dose of restraints and beatings.
Cut to present day. Yeah, I’ll have one cheeseburger, a large fry and two super hot chicks please. Elisha Cuthbert and Paris Hilton make House of Wax a pleasure to watch. I haven’t been this happy with casting choices since Jessica Biel in the Chainsaw Massacre remake. I sit on the edge of my seat, wishing the crazy wax man would slice a large chunk out of Elisha’s shirt, introducing a fifth character, her stomach. Remember George pulled that same move on Portman in Attack of the Clones? Unfortunately my wish did not come true. We do get a panty scene thought and Paris performs her patented strip tease. I know, I know…. What about the ladies in the audience? Don’t fret little ones; you have the strong, sexy shirtless Chad Michael Murray. He was actually really good as the angry Nick Jones, Elisha’s brother in the film. He was so good that I bought an autographed poster for the back of my bedroom door. Don’t judge me…
On the DVD cover box, one of the critic quotes mentions that the film is sexy and they couldn’t be more right. Not only are the girls sexy but the entire concept is as well. You have this minuscule town which is not even on a map where a psychopathic maniac spends his days building statues and other miscellaneous objects out of wax. The actual house of wax is really cool, with everything from the books to the walls to the structure of the house itself being made of wax. The faces of the wax figures were phenomenal and the whole idea that they were once living, breathing creatures is real creepy. I wish I could hire this guy to transform my ex girlfriends into wax statues… Well, not the fat ones…
What impressed me most about House of Wax was the sheer violence in the film. It’s slow going at first but once the mood and characters are set and the house has been penetrated, all hell breaks loose. By the way, hell carries two carving knives, wears a wax mask and enjoys dragging his victims back to his boiler room for a wax party. There is a moment in the film where Wax Face lays the unfortunate soul on his examining table, drugs him, cleans and stitches up his wounds, waxes his face, then places his naked body in the Iron Maiden. The torture device, not the band. You can stop playing air guitar now… One of the things that I love in films such as House of Wax is the killer’s use of old surgical equipment and odd, machinery - especially machinery that covers most of the face.
Again, the violence in this movie is awesome. There is moment in the film when one character is bashing another character in the face with a baseball bat. I thought to myself, there is no way they are going to show the bat hit the face. Sure enough, they do and not once but about six times. The guys face was a pile of mashed potatoes. Two wax covered thumbs up! I also want to go on record saying that Paris Hilton has one of the best death sequences I have ever seen. It was most excellent. Oh, don’t get all pissy because I gave that away. If you thought there was even a 0.3% chance she was going to survive the one hundred and thirteen minutes of horror then you don’t even deserve to be here. Now go away!
Overall, House of Wax kicks total ass and is definitely my favorite film from Dark Castle Entertainment so far. I thought the girls were unbelievably sexy, the villain was creepy and intense, the set design was unique, the special effects were awesome and most of all, the directing from Jaume Collet-Serra was great. House of Wax is just my cup of tea. It is so refreshing to see an R rated horror film that holds nothing back. I am really surprised they got away with an R rating. Some of you will find moments to bicker about but what can you do? It’s a horror movie! I am going to buy my own copy of the DVD this weekend. Yes, I recommend House of Wax - especially for children between the ages of seven and eleven.
That blob melting was some of the worst cinema special effects I'd seen in a very long time. 
?? Great!