Doom (2005)

[ZapRowsdower]

Doom (2005)
The Rock, Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike
Written by Dave Callaham and Wesley Strick
Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak

Before I begin, yes, the film IS as ridiculous as it looks.

Where to begin? Ah, yes. The Rock's first R-rated film. So he finally gets to cuss like an Irish sailor in a Quentin Tarantino movie. How often does the Rock get to do this? If he did it on TV, the FCC would be on the WWE's asses very fast. So he really took advantage of his freedom to swear. He wanted to relish in it. You can tell by the way he sounded when he swore.

"Shut the FFFFUCKing door."
"What the FFFFUCK are you talking about?"
"Semper fi, motherFFFFUCKer."

I mean, really, Dwayne... it ain't that big a deal. People cuss all the time.

Indeed, this is another film the good ol' boys from MST3K would LOVE to pick apart. Its lack of coherent plot (much like the video game), terrible, terrible script, B-movie acting and overly stylish direction would have given those guys plenty of material to work with.

And yes, there IS a scene that plays in First Person Shooter mode. My friend and I could not stop laughing. It was unbelievable that someone would actually stoop to that level. We'd seen it in the trailer, but we still couldn't believe they actually went through with it. Ever watch your friend play a 1-player video game, and sit idly by waiting for your turn? That's kinda what this movie's like, except you're too busy laughing at it to really think about wanting to play it.

The only aspect in which this film actually succeeds in is visual, but we all know visuals do not make a movie.

Premise - There was none.
0/10

Acting - FFFFUCK it.
1/10

Screenwriting - HA!
2/20

Direction - HA!
2/20

Visuals - The movie LOOKED cool... but looks can be deceiving.
5/5

Overall - Watch only if making fun of bad movies is one of your hobbies. Even then, watch at your own risk.

15%

[Quorthon]

As a ye olde fan of the original Doom (albiet the SNES version), I've had a hankerin' for seein' this thing. No plot? Hey, I've watched worse. Ign.com labeled it as the best video game-to-movie adaption so far. Which doesn't say much, of course....

I still want to see it. If it's as crappy as you say, then I'll enjoy mocking it. But the gorehound in me is itching for something with violent, nasty monsters--and I sure as shit am not going to throw more money into the Saw machine...

[slayrrr666]

This is probably as dry an R-rated horror flick I've seen since the crappy post-Scream films. One ripped off arm (which isn't shown on-screen, it plops down and mildly spurts out blood) and someone banging they're head against a glass, leaving bloody remains of his brains on the window is about as violent as this gets. Gore-hounds, stay away: this is R for language more than violence, as Smitty so apply pointed out.

The main thing about this movie is that I felt I had seen it before. This is pretty much just like the movie Aliens, including one scene where they hear noises in the air ducts above them, they go up to see what it is, and we get a cheap shock moment when something comes screaming out of the darkness. But the whole plot felt very Aliens to me, like I had seen those shots before.

The film is also hyper-stylized, so it can lead to scenes where you are confused as hell to figure out what is going on. Blurring the image doesn't do any good if there's no light source, people. Too many times, the scene was cut so fast that it defeated the purpose. We went to see the red stuff, let us indulge in it.

The biggest problem of the film is The Rock. I never understood where he got so popular, he hasn't had a good performance in a film yet. The one line he shouts in The Mummy Returns is a joke, and the CG rendering at the end was an embarrassment. Michael Clark Duncan stole The Scorpion King, and for being in the film as much as he was, that's another embarrassment. He can't even hold off a bit part. Walking Tall is a crime of celluloid for even being compared to the masterpiece original, but I do have to say he was funny in Be Cool. That's where he should belong, in comedies, as he does have a good sense for one-liners, and his huge frame makes him a good straight man. Here in Doom, he plays a hard-ass that you actually want to die (he even utters the line "I'm not supposed to die," adding in arrogance for the list of traits that render him expendable) and that is a real shame. Five movies, and his one best performance is in a comedy playing a gay man. That tells you something.

The movie, though, does have some good moments. There are a couple of good moments, and I do have to say that the movie is rife with providing moments that call for an audience comment. When The Rock sees the BFG (re-nick-named Bio-Force Gun) the way The Rock looks at it almost feels that a porno theme should be playing in the background. Perhaps the single funniest moment in movie, and it comes from a comment that the audience can make.

A big disappointment.

[ZapRowsdower]

Hey slayrrr, I thought the Rundown was pretty good too. He's not a bad actor per se, but this film was indeed an embarassment for him.

[slayrrr666]

Damn, I forgot The Rundown, but that proves my point even more: There wasn't anything in there that I should remember from it later. I never liked Sean William Scott either, so it was a double-whammy for me.

[Quorthon]

Well, Smitty AND Slayrrr hated Doom? Guess I'd better just avoid it then...

[Phoenix]

It's bad that even though they both hated it, I still want to see it? Something about the pure cheesiness of it appeals to me. But maybe I'll wait now, as the movies are way to expensive for me to warrant seeing crap anymore. Thanks Smitty and Slayrrr - you saved me 8 bucks.

[Heineken Skywalker]

Oh, they're not the only ones who saved me $8 or $9. It seems like almost every critic blasted this movie. Oh well, one more video game based movie I can skip.

[marcel]

I liked it, but if the mutants where moving to higher levels of intelligent, how come they couldn't talk. One flaw for sure.

m f