Post by Quorthon on Sept 26, 2005 9:00:28 GMT -5
Rodentz (also known as "Altered Species")
Horror
2001
Color
MPAA Rating: R
Directed by: Miles Feldman
USA
Well then. I just watched an assload of movies--all with varying degrees of quality. I wasn't too sure about which one I wanted to review first. Then it hit me like a sack-a-rats: Rodentz. Warn people about Rodentz. This monstrosity stars nobody and is painfully dull to sit through. And it's about mutant rats killing people. Yeah... real damn original. "Food of the Gods," or "Willard" anyone? Those were better than this, and that doesn't say much...
Okay here's the story: Inna laboratory the scientist and his plucky assistant are experimenting on rats and their laboratory is in a crappy neighborhood and crappy building and the plucky assistant's moronic friends show up drunk and everyone becomes food for the crazed rats and just about everybody dies and, oh yeah, there's one giant rat that looks shitty, but it gets killed, the end. There, all in once sentence! Spoiler, you say? Ppfff!! I beg to differ! The second we all realize that there's a giant rat, we all know it's gonna die eventually!!
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--Well, I watched it for free, but for everyone else... hmmm, no. There's nothing good here.
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--Um... well. the gore was decent.
--Very average cinematography.
--CG rats not as bad as they could've been in some shots...
The Bad:
--...and in other shots, the CG rats were pathetically cheap-looking. Look, if your film has a low budget, maybe you shouldn't rely on CG. Lesson to take to heart.
--The acting is extremely poor.
--The characters are beyone uninteresting--we have a mish-mash of cliches and none of them are even done that well.
--Booooooooooooring.
--Been done before--plenty of times.
--Stupid story, just stupid.
--Giant rat looks like fat man in poorly conceived bear costume--that was kind of funny--but not funny enough to give this film any worth.
--Retarded, unrealistic, and boring dialog.
--All the college student rat chow people are drinking Tequila from huge plastic milk jugs--and yet they don't appear to be drunk for anything longer than a few seconds. Way to stick with continuity, guys.
The Ugly:
--This film is bad. Simply terrible. Worse than you might imagine. It's not even laughably bad like, for instance, "Scarecrow" (2002) or "House of the Dead." Now those movies are shit you can enjoy. Even if they do make you stupider.
Memorable Scene:
--The lame action-movie ending, complete with uninjured heroes and explosion. Because it didn't feel at all like the rest of this monstrosity--but still sucked.
Acting: 2/10
Story: 1/10
Atmosphere: 2/10
Cinematography: 4/10
Character Development: 0/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 4/10
Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (I was tending to my son occasionally during the film, so I may have missed it, but was supposedly in there)
Violence/Gore: 4/10
Dialogue: 2/10
Music: 1/10 (average for the time)
Writing: 1/10
Direction: 2/10
Cheesiness: 7/10
Crappiness: 9/10
Overall: 1/10
Watch it only if you love rat and vermin-based horror films. Wait... Check that. Don't watch it. It's crap.
Horror
2001
Color
MPAA Rating: R
Directed by: Miles Feldman
USA
Well then. I just watched an assload of movies--all with varying degrees of quality. I wasn't too sure about which one I wanted to review first. Then it hit me like a sack-a-rats: Rodentz. Warn people about Rodentz. This monstrosity stars nobody and is painfully dull to sit through. And it's about mutant rats killing people. Yeah... real damn original. "Food of the Gods," or "Willard" anyone? Those were better than this, and that doesn't say much...
Okay here's the story: Inna laboratory the scientist and his plucky assistant are experimenting on rats and their laboratory is in a crappy neighborhood and crappy building and the plucky assistant's moronic friends show up drunk and everyone becomes food for the crazed rats and just about everybody dies and, oh yeah, there's one giant rat that looks shitty, but it gets killed, the end. There, all in once sentence! Spoiler, you say? Ppfff!! I beg to differ! The second we all realize that there's a giant rat, we all know it's gonna die eventually!!
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--Well, I watched it for free, but for everyone else... hmmm, no. There's nothing good here.
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--Um... well. the gore was decent.
--Very average cinematography.
--CG rats not as bad as they could've been in some shots...
The Bad:
--...and in other shots, the CG rats were pathetically cheap-looking. Look, if your film has a low budget, maybe you shouldn't rely on CG. Lesson to take to heart.
--The acting is extremely poor.
--The characters are beyone uninteresting--we have a mish-mash of cliches and none of them are even done that well.
--Booooooooooooring.
--Been done before--plenty of times.
--Stupid story, just stupid.
--Giant rat looks like fat man in poorly conceived bear costume--that was kind of funny--but not funny enough to give this film any worth.
--Retarded, unrealistic, and boring dialog.
--All the college student rat chow people are drinking Tequila from huge plastic milk jugs--and yet they don't appear to be drunk for anything longer than a few seconds. Way to stick with continuity, guys.
The Ugly:
--This film is bad. Simply terrible. Worse than you might imagine. It's not even laughably bad like, for instance, "Scarecrow" (2002) or "House of the Dead." Now those movies are shit you can enjoy. Even if they do make you stupider.
Memorable Scene:
--The lame action-movie ending, complete with uninjured heroes and explosion. Because it didn't feel at all like the rest of this monstrosity--but still sucked.
Acting: 2/10
Story: 1/10
Atmosphere: 2/10
Cinematography: 4/10
Character Development: 0/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 4/10
Nudity/Sexuality: 1/10 (I was tending to my son occasionally during the film, so I may have missed it, but was supposedly in there)
Violence/Gore: 4/10
Dialogue: 2/10
Music: 1/10 (average for the time)
Writing: 1/10
Direction: 2/10
Cheesiness: 7/10
Crappiness: 9/10
Overall: 1/10
Watch it only if you love rat and vermin-based horror films. Wait... Check that. Don't watch it. It's crap.
