Post by Quorthon on Aug 28, 2005 12:18:49 GMT -5
Blood Gnome
Horror
2004
Color
RELEASED BY
MPAA Rating: R
Directed by: John Lechago
USA
This is the first new “nasty little buggers on the loose” movie since, probably the last Critters film in the 90’s, that I’ve seen sneak it’s way onto Blockbuster’s shelves. So what does this film have that previous little hellion-based films don’t have? Gratuitous nudity and tons of S & M, that’s what.
This movie is apparently about a woman who had a bunch of tiny little monsters living with her that are called “Blood Gnomes.” The woman is into sado-masochism, and lo and behold, so are the little monsters because they really get off on eating those types of people. You know, people that like bondage and that sort of crap. Well, of course, these little monsters are leaving a lot of dead kinky people in their wake and the police simply must investigate the deaths. Well, plucky crime scene photographer with a problematic past (of course) begins to see the little monsters at the crime scenes. Oh and he gets involved with a chick that operates a BDSM store—so it has a tender side, too. Just for you softies out there. Hey, it sounds pretty stupid, but is at least more tolerable than some of the crap coming out Hollywood these days that’s being called “horror.”
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--The tons and tons of nudity is really nice. What’d you expect here? Acting?
--The movie is surprisingly watchable for a low-brow, straight to DVD movie.
--Amusing story.
--Decent blood and gore.
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--The acting is nothing special, but not as bad as I had feared.
--The look of the puppets is pretty cool, if not very original—they do look an awful lot like the Ghoulies and those little buggers from “The Gate.”
--Uninspired music and average atmosphere.
The Bad:
--The little blood gnome guys look awfully puppety every now and then—and very rubbery.
--While the nudity and S&M crap really make the movie watchable, it feels like that’s the only reason to watch this film.
--While amusing, the story is also nothing exceptionally new or special.
--Some of the acting is pretty bad.
--The writing is awfully unsophisticated.
The Ugly:
--Occasionally, characters talk to each themselves in a mindless attempt to let us, the viewer, know what they’re thinking. Apparently, the filmmakers didn’t know any better way to do it.
--Claustrophobic camera use with an offensively high amount of close-ups. There was approximately three long shots in the whole film—that’s hardly an exaggeration.
--Spends more time meandering around as a really soft-core nudie flick with S&M subtleties than it does building atmosphere for a good horror flick.
Memorable Scene:
--When the hero actually talks with the blood gnomes—via an internet instant message program! Really!
Acting: 5/10
Story: 6/10
Atmosphere: 3/10
Cinematography: 2/10
Character Development: 4/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 7/10
Nudity/Sexuality: 8/10 (lots of nudity, though mostly chests and asses of women, with mild S&M)
Violence/Gore: 7/10
Dialogue: 5/10
Music: 4/10
Direction: 6/10
Cheesiness: 6/10
Crappiness: 2/10
Overall: 5/10
Hey, if you like horror movies with total assloads (pun intended) of nudity and some decent violence and funny little creatures that like hurting people, then weirdo, this one’s for you. People who like their movies with a lot of quality might want to steer clear.
Horror
2004
Color
RELEASED BY
MPAA Rating: R
Directed by: John Lechago
USA
This is the first new “nasty little buggers on the loose” movie since, probably the last Critters film in the 90’s, that I’ve seen sneak it’s way onto Blockbuster’s shelves. So what does this film have that previous little hellion-based films don’t have? Gratuitous nudity and tons of S & M, that’s what.
This movie is apparently about a woman who had a bunch of tiny little monsters living with her that are called “Blood Gnomes.” The woman is into sado-masochism, and lo and behold, so are the little monsters because they really get off on eating those types of people. You know, people that like bondage and that sort of crap. Well, of course, these little monsters are leaving a lot of dead kinky people in their wake and the police simply must investigate the deaths. Well, plucky crime scene photographer with a problematic past (of course) begins to see the little monsters at the crime scenes. Oh and he gets involved with a chick that operates a BDSM store—so it has a tender side, too. Just for you softies out there. Hey, it sounds pretty stupid, but is at least more tolerable than some of the crap coming out Hollywood these days that’s being called “horror.”
Here’s the breakdown:
The Good:
--The tons and tons of nudity is really nice. What’d you expect here? Acting?
--The movie is surprisingly watchable for a low-brow, straight to DVD movie.
--Amusing story.
--Decent blood and gore.
Didn’t Hurt It, Didn’t Help:
--The acting is nothing special, but not as bad as I had feared.
--The look of the puppets is pretty cool, if not very original—they do look an awful lot like the Ghoulies and those little buggers from “The Gate.”
--Uninspired music and average atmosphere.
The Bad:
--The little blood gnome guys look awfully puppety every now and then—and very rubbery.
--While the nudity and S&M crap really make the movie watchable, it feels like that’s the only reason to watch this film.
--While amusing, the story is also nothing exceptionally new or special.
--Some of the acting is pretty bad.
--The writing is awfully unsophisticated.
The Ugly:
--Occasionally, characters talk to each themselves in a mindless attempt to let us, the viewer, know what they’re thinking. Apparently, the filmmakers didn’t know any better way to do it.
--Claustrophobic camera use with an offensively high amount of close-ups. There was approximately three long shots in the whole film—that’s hardly an exaggeration.
--Spends more time meandering around as a really soft-core nudie flick with S&M subtleties than it does building atmosphere for a good horror flick.
Memorable Scene:
--When the hero actually talks with the blood gnomes—via an internet instant message program! Really!
Acting: 5/10
Story: 6/10
Atmosphere: 3/10
Cinematography: 2/10
Character Development: 4/10
Special Effects/Make-up: 7/10
Nudity/Sexuality: 8/10 (lots of nudity, though mostly chests and asses of women, with mild S&M)
Violence/Gore: 7/10
Dialogue: 5/10
Music: 4/10
Direction: 6/10
Cheesiness: 6/10
Crappiness: 2/10
Overall: 5/10
Hey, if you like horror movies with total assloads (pun intended) of nudity and some decent violence and funny little creatures that like hurting people, then weirdo, this one’s for you. People who like their movies with a lot of quality might want to steer clear.
